In today's installment, I'm going to tell y'all about some of the people you probably DON'T know personally. They're also people about whom I care deeply. Fear not, my friends who live a little closer...more posts are yet to come. (Patience is a virtue, Brendon...though neither of us has recently been accused of being virtuous.)
Judy - Yes, Shepard. Matt's Mom. I've gotten to know her a bit over the last 8 years, and couldn't respect her more. She embodies grace, poise, and compassion. She fights for GLBT people everywhere, especially youth. She's a mom, though something akin to an enraged momma grizzly. She will fight until she can't do so anymore. Fight for a world where everyone is safe and welcome in school, where all kids deserve a home and supportive "family" despite who they love, and where everyone should keep their job if they're a good employee. Dennis and Judy made one of the most generous and forgiving decisions ever...one I know I couldn't have made. Judy for President!
Jackie - My adopted PFLAG grandma. She looks like she wants to bake you cookies. She also knows a four letter word or two! When my mom told me there was a lump in her breast, I called Jackie 10 minutes later. I knew she'd been a "cancer buddy" for one of her friends, driving her to chemo, holding her hand, etc. The next day Jackie brought me a book with everything I needed to know. She later wrote my mom a letter of support, and they became fast friends. Mom would spend more time having coffee and chatting with Jackie than she did with me on her visits to Laramie! She and my sister bought the rainbow disco ball that hangs in the RRC, and Jackie was one of the first volunteers the center ever had. She's always been there for me, and is truly family.
Dave and Jennifer - Okay, some of you know the O'Malleys, and more of you know OF them. I first met Dave in the course of the investigation of Matt's murder. He later told me that I was the first gay person he KNEW was gay when talking to me. He used to be VERY homophobic, but today is one of our greatest supporters. Jennifer has a heart of gold coupled with a sharp tongue she's not afraid to use! Camping, cocktails by the chiminea, pride parades...we've done a little bit of everything together. I respect them SO much, and always have an amazing time when I'm with them. Nobody gives me shit so well or so regularly. ;)
Amy - She held my hand when I had to talk to my mother over the phone about being the Chair of the LGBTA, and that I was going to be on the nightly news because a friend of mine had been attacked. She gave me the first housewarming gift for the kitchen in my brand new house. She held me when I cried over my mother's death. And she introduced me to new worlds as my shamanic teacher. She knows just when I need a phone call or email, and just when it's time to have lunch together at Corona Village. We are the voice of reason for each other, and help each other cut through to the heart of the matter. A champion for diversity, nature, and all living things.
Lisa - My red-headed cohort in crime from college. We lived on the same floor in the dorms for 2 years, and were inseparable. We came out together. We went to our first LGBTA meeting together, hand in hand. We watched the "Puppy Episode" together...not suprising since the entire SERIES of "Ellen" was a weekly ritual for us. Our friends used to say that everytime we were together, it was bound to be an adventure. And it was. She'd tell me a "camp story!" every now and then, from her days as a wrangler and counselor at a ritzy summer camp in the mountains outside Estes Park. I'd read her the latest "depression in an envelope" from my mom. When our friend swallowed a bunch of pills our senior year, she drove to the hospital while I carried her drowsy body. She and Steph had me over for dinner the night news broke about Matt's attack. I wouldn't have made it through college without her, and it certainly wouldn't have been as much fun.
Rod - I met Rod when four poor kids from UW went to speak at a GLBT Youth Leadership conference at CSU. Three of us stayed on the floor of his apartment for 2 days. And boy did we bond! He was like my counterpart in Fort Collins, and it became a ritual to call him for lunch or cocktails anytime were went south. Now he's in San Diego, and I got to spend some time with him on the now-infamous road trip to "the UnHoly Lands." We think a lot alike, and both want careers in GLBT activism. And it doesn't hurt that he's a very nice guy and cute to boot. We've even been to a Cher concert together! He also has the BEST use for the Book of Mormon (or Bible) I've ever heard...
More to come later...and yes, Brendon...you'll be featured sooner or later. Just remember...you asked for it! ;)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Love makes a family, part 2
A few more entries about the people in my extended family...I figured that we could all use something happy today, as tonight I plan on drinking heavily and screaming obscenities at the TV during the State of the (dis)Union address tonight.
Jess - We joke about her being my wife, and her husband Andrew is my husband-in-law. Whether working together on AIDS Walk, moving patients through Albany County Family Planning, or drinking beer at our bowling league, we always have a good time with each other. A fierce and fabulous feminist, Jess cares deeply about all sorts of social justice issues. I speak in all of her Women's Studies classes as a token homo, and love that she's so committed to educating UW students about diversity. Laughter abounds when we're together, and once in a while we visit with our friend Hope. ;)
Bob - Our designated cheerleader for AIDS Walk, Bob is always a ray of sunshine in our lives. He's gone through so much in his life, and still comes out of the gate smiling. He's also done just about everything one can imagine, and listening to his tales of yesteryear is always a good time. Bob knows just how to make you feel special and important, and continually reminds us that every day is a gift. Drag mother and choreographer extraordinaire, he's not afraid to cut a ho...including himself. His humor is edgy, vulgar, and usually in questionable taste...a man after my own heart. I can't wait to hear what will follow his next "Miss Gurl..."
Craig - Scott's better half, and someone who's become a true and steadfast friend to me as well. His quiet, laid back demeanor makes you feel safe and welcome. Don't let him fool you though...he's just waiting quietly for the next chance to fire a barbed insult or other hilarious comment. Thanks to him, many of my horizons have been expanded, and I've met several amazing people in Denver through Craig and his cronies. He's an amazing listener, and has always given me great advice and a clear perspective. (Yes, even I ask for advice from time to time.) I know how much he loves and cares for Scott, which makes him a-ok in my book. I also know how much he cares about his friends in general, and that makes him amazing. I can only hope to find someone like him someday! And girl looks GOOD for her age, but don't tell Craig (or Scott) I said so. And for all the good times we've shared together already, I know there are even better days ahead.
Josh - Recovering coffee roaster, current manager with Hertz at DIA, and sistah-friend-for-life. We hated each other before we'd even met, as we were afraid the other would sense the gayness and reveal us for the raging homos we were at heart. Just after he came out, a mutual friend invited us to a brunch at his house. Our lives would never be the same. Since he's 11 days older than me (and I'll never let him forget it), we bonded instantly in our group of "Elder Queens." We are a dangerous duo, and can drink just about anyone (except each other) under the table. We're known for patriotism, hot tub parties, and our special sangria recipe, which is known as "Jug o' Fun" or "Liquid Boxer Remover." Though we've had our ups and downs, we're fused at the soul, and will be sisters for life. Who else could dance with me at my sister's wedding, causing my mother to grumble and my aunt to feel faint. We danced to "Angel Eyes" by the Jeff Healey Band, for the record.
Rae - Jesse's wife, and the best dance partner a guy could ask for. I've known her longer than Jesse has, and may have done my best to play cupid. *insert innocent whistling here* She's got an amazing sense of humor, and she is one of the only people who will ruthlessly match me insult for insult. We've almost been kicked out of movies for having too much fun...though the previews hadn't even started. Shopping buddies, dance partners, and gal pals. At my class reunion, she bragged to my female former classmates about how Jesse and I make the perfect husband. I take her to chick flicks, underwear shopping, and dancing. He fixes the house, brings home a nice paycheck, and handles that nasty hetero-loving stuff. My classmates started plotting to find their homo-hubbies on the spot. I'm glad she'll be keeping me on my toes for years to come, whether on the dance floor or trading insults.
Travis - I remember the first time timid little Travis walked into a Spectrum meeting. Two weeks later he was an officer, and I've gotten to watch him grow into an amazing activist and powerful person. Finishing his third year in law school while juggling committees, student groups, and AIDS Walk is no small task. One third of the FABulous Stilettos, Ms. Oblivia (Queen of the Clueless) is a dear friend. Many's a night we've laughed and cried over a martini or other suitable adult beverage. While I hate the thought of not having him around for homo-happenings in Laramie, I'm loving the thought of having my own free lawyer! Hey, I wrote him a GREAT letter of recommendation for law school, and figure I ought to get SOMEthing out of the deal.
Don't get your knickers in a twist, folks...there are plenty more profiles to come...
Jess - We joke about her being my wife, and her husband Andrew is my husband-in-law. Whether working together on AIDS Walk, moving patients through Albany County Family Planning, or drinking beer at our bowling league, we always have a good time with each other. A fierce and fabulous feminist, Jess cares deeply about all sorts of social justice issues. I speak in all of her Women's Studies classes as a token homo, and love that she's so committed to educating UW students about diversity. Laughter abounds when we're together, and once in a while we visit with our friend Hope. ;)
Bob - Our designated cheerleader for AIDS Walk, Bob is always a ray of sunshine in our lives. He's gone through so much in his life, and still comes out of the gate smiling. He's also done just about everything one can imagine, and listening to his tales of yesteryear is always a good time. Bob knows just how to make you feel special and important, and continually reminds us that every day is a gift. Drag mother and choreographer extraordinaire, he's not afraid to cut a ho...including himself. His humor is edgy, vulgar, and usually in questionable taste...a man after my own heart. I can't wait to hear what will follow his next "Miss Gurl..."
Craig - Scott's better half, and someone who's become a true and steadfast friend to me as well. His quiet, laid back demeanor makes you feel safe and welcome. Don't let him fool you though...he's just waiting quietly for the next chance to fire a barbed insult or other hilarious comment. Thanks to him, many of my horizons have been expanded, and I've met several amazing people in Denver through Craig and his cronies. He's an amazing listener, and has always given me great advice and a clear perspective. (Yes, even I ask for advice from time to time.) I know how much he loves and cares for Scott, which makes him a-ok in my book. I also know how much he cares about his friends in general, and that makes him amazing. I can only hope to find someone like him someday! And girl looks GOOD for her age, but don't tell Craig (or Scott) I said so. And for all the good times we've shared together already, I know there are even better days ahead.
Josh - Recovering coffee roaster, current manager with Hertz at DIA, and sistah-friend-for-life. We hated each other before we'd even met, as we were afraid the other would sense the gayness and reveal us for the raging homos we were at heart. Just after he came out, a mutual friend invited us to a brunch at his house. Our lives would never be the same. Since he's 11 days older than me (and I'll never let him forget it), we bonded instantly in our group of "Elder Queens." We are a dangerous duo, and can drink just about anyone (except each other) under the table. We're known for patriotism, hot tub parties, and our special sangria recipe, which is known as "Jug o' Fun" or "Liquid Boxer Remover." Though we've had our ups and downs, we're fused at the soul, and will be sisters for life. Who else could dance with me at my sister's wedding, causing my mother to grumble and my aunt to feel faint. We danced to "Angel Eyes" by the Jeff Healey Band, for the record.
Rae - Jesse's wife, and the best dance partner a guy could ask for. I've known her longer than Jesse has, and may have done my best to play cupid. *insert innocent whistling here* She's got an amazing sense of humor, and she is one of the only people who will ruthlessly match me insult for insult. We've almost been kicked out of movies for having too much fun...though the previews hadn't even started. Shopping buddies, dance partners, and gal pals. At my class reunion, she bragged to my female former classmates about how Jesse and I make the perfect husband. I take her to chick flicks, underwear shopping, and dancing. He fixes the house, brings home a nice paycheck, and handles that nasty hetero-loving stuff. My classmates started plotting to find their homo-hubbies on the spot. I'm glad she'll be keeping me on my toes for years to come, whether on the dance floor or trading insults.
Travis - I remember the first time timid little Travis walked into a Spectrum meeting. Two weeks later he was an officer, and I've gotten to watch him grow into an amazing activist and powerful person. Finishing his third year in law school while juggling committees, student groups, and AIDS Walk is no small task. One third of the FABulous Stilettos, Ms. Oblivia (Queen of the Clueless) is a dear friend. Many's a night we've laughed and cried over a martini or other suitable adult beverage. While I hate the thought of not having him around for homo-happenings in Laramie, I'm loving the thought of having my own free lawyer! Hey, I wrote him a GREAT letter of recommendation for law school, and figure I ought to get SOMEthing out of the deal.
Don't get your knickers in a twist, folks...there are plenty more profiles to come...
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Time to get naked...
(Not to worry...part 2 in the "Love makes a family" series is coming soon.) I knew that title would get your attention. ;) So the early morning workouts continue. Getting out of bed is no small feat at 5 o'clock in the morning, especially when the temperature outside is 15 FUCKING DEGREES BELOW ZERO. Mother Nature's pilot light has gone out, and she doesn't seem to care. Aside from the physical and mental benefits of working out, there's one extra bonus for going to the gym before even Gawd gets out of bed...drooling over pretty people!
I would like to say that I'm not so shallow as to objectify the well-built, toned, fit folks at Half Acre. I'm not going to, but I'd like to. ;) Aaron, the Rev, and Scotty and I have turned it into something of a game. Or at least a pastime/spectator sport. We each have our favorites, though there seems to be a continually revolving parade of hot men and women so we're never bored. And I'm the luckiest of them all...the gay man who showers at the gym!
I'll answer the next question...of course I look. If you were in a room full of naked people of the gender(s) of your choice, wouldn't you brighten your day? But this got thinking this morning: how would most straight men react if they KNEW there was a sissy among them? And how much denial must they live in to think there isn't? I wear rainbow bandannas on my head at the gym. My two rainbow tattoos are plainly visible in the gym AND in the shower.
I don't leer. I don't ogle. And I don't feel guilty. I'd probably look at the aesthetic of naked women were I to shower with them too. Even one of the straight guys commented this morning "I don't care who you are, that's nice" as we walked into the showers. (Sadly, he wasn't talking about me....yet. ;) But it made me think about what the big fear is. I'm really not going to sexually assault a guy in the steam room. Having a homo see your penis doesn't alter your own sexuality...if only it were that easy!
It all comes back to masculinity, I think. If a guy is checking you out, it puts you in the position of the object, not the viewer (Senior Seminar flashback, here we come). The position of the woman. And being the woman is bad in our patriarchal society. I must say that my hetero workout buddies have handled showering with Laramie's Queen Bee quite admirably. No stammering. No avoidance of eye contact. No paranoia that conversation will imply consent. And no feeble attempts to remain "out of sight, out of mind."
When it comes down to it, none of us are there for sex. We're there to workout and become svelt so that more people will WANT to have sex with us, but that's another story. ;) And if, at 7am in a Laramie locker room, we can all learn to get along and that being near a gay person ISN'T threatening, why can't we do it elsewhere? It won't destroy "unit cohesion." It won't turn school children gay. It won't make teens in a high school GSA any more or less likely to have sex...or even be gay!
I also smiled this morning, as I imagined what I would say if someone did get in my face. If they took offense to a gay man seeing them in a towel...or less. "How arrogant. What makes you think you're so homo-licious that I won't be able to control myself in your presence?" Especially when it's 15 below outside...
I would like to say that I'm not so shallow as to objectify the well-built, toned, fit folks at Half Acre. I'm not going to, but I'd like to. ;) Aaron, the Rev, and Scotty and I have turned it into something of a game. Or at least a pastime/spectator sport. We each have our favorites, though there seems to be a continually revolving parade of hot men and women so we're never bored. And I'm the luckiest of them all...the gay man who showers at the gym!
I'll answer the next question...of course I look. If you were in a room full of naked people of the gender(s) of your choice, wouldn't you brighten your day? But this got thinking this morning: how would most straight men react if they KNEW there was a sissy among them? And how much denial must they live in to think there isn't? I wear rainbow bandannas on my head at the gym. My two rainbow tattoos are plainly visible in the gym AND in the shower.
I don't leer. I don't ogle. And I don't feel guilty. I'd probably look at the aesthetic of naked women were I to shower with them too. Even one of the straight guys commented this morning "I don't care who you are, that's nice" as we walked into the showers. (Sadly, he wasn't talking about me....yet. ;) But it made me think about what the big fear is. I'm really not going to sexually assault a guy in the steam room. Having a homo see your penis doesn't alter your own sexuality...if only it were that easy!
It all comes back to masculinity, I think. If a guy is checking you out, it puts you in the position of the object, not the viewer (Senior Seminar flashback, here we come). The position of the woman. And being the woman is bad in our patriarchal society. I must say that my hetero workout buddies have handled showering with Laramie's Queen Bee quite admirably. No stammering. No avoidance of eye contact. No paranoia that conversation will imply consent. And no feeble attempts to remain "out of sight, out of mind."
When it comes down to it, none of us are there for sex. We're there to workout and become svelt so that more people will WANT to have sex with us, but that's another story. ;) And if, at 7am in a Laramie locker room, we can all learn to get along and that being near a gay person ISN'T threatening, why can't we do it elsewhere? It won't destroy "unit cohesion." It won't turn school children gay. It won't make teens in a high school GSA any more or less likely to have sex...or even be gay!
I also smiled this morning, as I imagined what I would say if someone did get in my face. If they took offense to a gay man seeing them in a towel...or less. "How arrogant. What makes you think you're so homo-licious that I won't be able to control myself in your presence?" Especially when it's 15 below outside...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Love makes a family...
I've talked about it before - the difference between the family you're stuck (born) with, and the family you choose. As many of you know by now, Jesse and Rae got the phone call on Tuesday that they'd been selected. After more than two years on the waiting list (and several more of trying on their own), they're adopting a baby boy! This has gotten me thinking again about how little blood can mean, and how strong love is. In this vein, I wanted to tell you about some of the amazing people who are part of my "family." And so I begin the first post in a series highlighting folks who mean the world to me. For regular readers, don't worry. If you're not in the first post, you'll be in future ones. The names are presented in no particular order.
Jesse - We've been best friends since third grade. We grew up together and were attached at the hip. For years we've thought of each other more as brothers. We went to college together, later roomed together, and work together still today. It was GoBots that first brought us together. On weekends, we'd meet at the elementary school and play with the cheap Transformer knock-offs for hours. I've driven him to the hospital (twice), and he was right where I needed him when my mom died. He and Rae have been waiting for a baby since they were married, and I couldn't be happier that he's finally a dad! The best hunting buddy a guy could ever ask for, and someone I admire tremendously.
Scott - Most of my readers already know Scotty, though to some he'll always be "Puppy." We used to travel in VERY different circles in the gay community; I was TOO gay and activisty for him and his friends, and he was too pretty for me to reach out to him. ;) And then he decided to get involved in Spectrum and AIDS Walk. We hit it off instantly, bonding over our common love of wine. All wines. *grin* It feels like we've known each other forever now, though it's only been about 2 years. He's now my personal trainer, and has done more for my self-esteem than I think he realizes. Though most importantly, he's taught me that the changes I've made and things I've accomplished have come from within, not from him. Whether we're dancing in the Denver clubs, spinning poi, drinking wine/martinis/anything in sight, or just watching Project Runway together, we remind each other always - No Day But Today!
Mandy - The Grace to my Will. We met through She Who Shall Not Be Named many moons ago. There were some wild times in college, I tell you. Late night trips to the hot springs in Saratoga. "Fairy Commando" raids to homo up campus. Sugar benders with 80's video games. We've been through (too) many boyfriends, heartbreaks, and crushes. We've made road trips to judge speech meets, spent hours laughing with her mother (affectionately known as "Lady"), and cried on each other's shoulders all night long. The laughter has far outweighed the tears, though, and even when she's far away (Anchorage...Arizona...) we harass each other. I don't even know how many times we've texted each other randomly from a dance floor in Denver or equally debaucherous locale on the Vegas strip.
Jerry - I first met Jerry at Pride in Denver. He saw my UW hat (or was it a shirt?) and came bounding up to me with his salt and pepper hair. "I went to school in Wyoming too!" Then he promptly pulled his pants down to show me the tattoo of Pistol Pete on his ass. We saw each other again at Rendezvous that year. After way too many overly-strong cocktails, we were BFF. I stay at his condo on about half my trips to Denver now, and can't imagine life without Jerry and his partner Chuck. Generosity doesn't begin to describe this total sweetie! Old enough to be my father, but SO young at heart. He was with us on New Year's this year...bopping along at a mini-rave with us. He's blunt, funny, and always willing to party and drink heavily.
Brittany - The multi-colored punk squid. When I met her, she was a spastic, scattered, frightened little thing. Always up for an adventure, often loud, and ever amusing. I've watched her grow into an amazing young woman. She came out and got involved...in a big way. I'll never forget seeing her in a meeting with the Dean of Students and VP for Student Affairs. Terrified out of her mind, she calmly and cooly explained what the "Day of Silence" was all about, and asked for their support. They were quite impressed with the planning (which Squiddy was in charge of, thanks to the closeness to AIDS Walk and the involvement of the other board members in THAT) and said "We're totally behind this. What do you need? Want some money?" She's still loud and spastic, but in a much more controlled, adult way. ;) I can't wait to see what she takes on next.
The Rev - Ah, Linus. Though he'd probably never admit it, he's calmed down so much since I met him. Dinner at Sweet Mel's with Mandy and Abra is where we met. The kilt was a novelty with the girls, and they decided he and I would get along fairly well. After 3 hours of raucous laughter and feeding off of each other's stories and jokes, the girls decided maybe we got along TOO well. Years later I now refer to him as my heterosexual lifemate who coparents with me in shifts. In other words, he's my designated house and puppy sitter. Since neither of us is a spring chicken anymore and we both hang around with a bunch of young whippersnapper college students, we often commiserate about being old. We also share of love of Broadway, all things 80's, and pretty slender things younger than ourselves. Some have called us twins separated at conception. Well, except for the fact that he's straight...in the bedroom. The kitchen is an entirely different story. And then there's his stories. He's got one for all occasions. Even one night back in 1984...
More profiles later...
Jesse - We've been best friends since third grade. We grew up together and were attached at the hip. For years we've thought of each other more as brothers. We went to college together, later roomed together, and work together still today. It was GoBots that first brought us together. On weekends, we'd meet at the elementary school and play with the cheap Transformer knock-offs for hours. I've driven him to the hospital (twice), and he was right where I needed him when my mom died. He and Rae have been waiting for a baby since they were married, and I couldn't be happier that he's finally a dad! The best hunting buddy a guy could ever ask for, and someone I admire tremendously.
Scott - Most of my readers already know Scotty, though to some he'll always be "Puppy." We used to travel in VERY different circles in the gay community; I was TOO gay and activisty for him and his friends, and he was too pretty for me to reach out to him. ;) And then he decided to get involved in Spectrum and AIDS Walk. We hit it off instantly, bonding over our common love of wine. All wines. *grin* It feels like we've known each other forever now, though it's only been about 2 years. He's now my personal trainer, and has done more for my self-esteem than I think he realizes. Though most importantly, he's taught me that the changes I've made and things I've accomplished have come from within, not from him. Whether we're dancing in the Denver clubs, spinning poi, drinking wine/martinis/anything in sight, or just watching Project Runway together, we remind each other always - No Day But Today!
Mandy - The Grace to my Will. We met through She Who Shall Not Be Named many moons ago. There were some wild times in college, I tell you. Late night trips to the hot springs in Saratoga. "Fairy Commando" raids to homo up campus. Sugar benders with 80's video games. We've been through (too) many boyfriends, heartbreaks, and crushes. We've made road trips to judge speech meets, spent hours laughing with her mother (affectionately known as "Lady"), and cried on each other's shoulders all night long. The laughter has far outweighed the tears, though, and even when she's far away (Anchorage...Arizona...) we harass each other. I don't even know how many times we've texted each other randomly from a dance floor in Denver or equally debaucherous locale on the Vegas strip.
Jerry - I first met Jerry at Pride in Denver. He saw my UW hat (or was it a shirt?) and came bounding up to me with his salt and pepper hair. "I went to school in Wyoming too!" Then he promptly pulled his pants down to show me the tattoo of Pistol Pete on his ass. We saw each other again at Rendezvous that year. After way too many overly-strong cocktails, we were BFF. I stay at his condo on about half my trips to Denver now, and can't imagine life without Jerry and his partner Chuck. Generosity doesn't begin to describe this total sweetie! Old enough to be my father, but SO young at heart. He was with us on New Year's this year...bopping along at a mini-rave with us. He's blunt, funny, and always willing to party and drink heavily.
Brittany - The multi-colored punk squid. When I met her, she was a spastic, scattered, frightened little thing. Always up for an adventure, often loud, and ever amusing. I've watched her grow into an amazing young woman. She came out and got involved...in a big way. I'll never forget seeing her in a meeting with the Dean of Students and VP for Student Affairs. Terrified out of her mind, she calmly and cooly explained what the "Day of Silence" was all about, and asked for their support. They were quite impressed with the planning (which Squiddy was in charge of, thanks to the closeness to AIDS Walk and the involvement of the other board members in THAT) and said "We're totally behind this. What do you need? Want some money?" She's still loud and spastic, but in a much more controlled, adult way. ;) I can't wait to see what she takes on next.
The Rev - Ah, Linus. Though he'd probably never admit it, he's calmed down so much since I met him. Dinner at Sweet Mel's with Mandy and Abra is where we met. The kilt was a novelty with the girls, and they decided he and I would get along fairly well. After 3 hours of raucous laughter and feeding off of each other's stories and jokes, the girls decided maybe we got along TOO well. Years later I now refer to him as my heterosexual lifemate who coparents with me in shifts. In other words, he's my designated house and puppy sitter. Since neither of us is a spring chicken anymore and we both hang around with a bunch of young whippersnapper college students, we often commiserate about being old. We also share of love of Broadway, all things 80's, and pretty slender things younger than ourselves. Some have called us twins separated at conception. Well, except for the fact that he's straight...in the bedroom. The kitchen is an entirely different story. And then there's his stories. He's got one for all occasions. Even one night back in 1984...
More profiles later...
Monday, January 08, 2007
Body Image, Revisited
A while back I posted on the topic of male body image, eating disorders, and men. As of today, I am down 70 pounds. I'm wearing clothes that were long ago lost to the back of the closet, marked as "when I'm skinnier." I'm getting there, and this morning at 6am the Reverend and I braved the cold winds and lightless day to meet with our personal trainer for the first time. Granted, that would be Scotty, so he's not so foreign to us, but still... We made it through our first morning of cardio fairly well, and are even playing handball after work with Brendon and Amber. But this is not what prompted today's post...I just thought an update seemed appropriate.
Today on gay satellite radio station, they were discussing an article about "obesity report cards" which are being sent home in several states now. In addition to grades for reading, spelling, or history, students are now being given report cards on their height/weight... It's being done in an effort to combat the growing "childhood obesity" in the U.S. A noble intention, but I don't think I'm going to like the methods...or the results.
At first thought, the concept of grading kids on their bodies is abhorrent to me! one of the girls discusses in the article is 6 years old. She received a letter in her report card that she's in the 80th percentile for BMI. Though she doesn't know what those terms mean, she's stopped eating for fear she'll get in trouble at school. Doesn't this sound like the beginnings of a beautiful eating disorder? IN A 6 YEAR OLD!?! That concept terrifies me.
Callers on the radio show were split. Some said "they're going to be teased if they're fat anyway, so they might as well have all the facts." Others echoed my thoughts of anorexia and bulimia, as well as overall self-esteem. I was that kid in school. Overweight, despite the fact that my eating habits didn't match my voluptuous and curvy figure. Teased. I hated going to school because I didn't want to hear more of the taunting. And now we're going to GRADE kids on their bodies?
How many more supermodels have to die of starvation before we get it? While I appreciate the efforts to control childhood obesity, there has to be a safe and sane way to do it, without our schools convincing kindergarteners to pick at their plates or stick fingers down their throats.
Discuss...
Today on gay satellite radio station, they were discussing an article about "obesity report cards" which are being sent home in several states now. In addition to grades for reading, spelling, or history, students are now being given report cards on their height/weight... It's being done in an effort to combat the growing "childhood obesity" in the U.S. A noble intention, but I don't think I'm going to like the methods...or the results.
At first thought, the concept of grading kids on their bodies is abhorrent to me! one of the girls discusses in the article is 6 years old. She received a letter in her report card that she's in the 80th percentile for BMI. Though she doesn't know what those terms mean, she's stopped eating for fear she'll get in trouble at school. Doesn't this sound like the beginnings of a beautiful eating disorder? IN A 6 YEAR OLD!?! That concept terrifies me.
Callers on the radio show were split. Some said "they're going to be teased if they're fat anyway, so they might as well have all the facts." Others echoed my thoughts of anorexia and bulimia, as well as overall self-esteem. I was that kid in school. Overweight, despite the fact that my eating habits didn't match my voluptuous and curvy figure. Teased. I hated going to school because I didn't want to hear more of the taunting. And now we're going to GRADE kids on their bodies?
How many more supermodels have to die of starvation before we get it? While I appreciate the efforts to control childhood obesity, there has to be a safe and sane way to do it, without our schools convincing kindergarteners to pick at their plates or stick fingers down their throats.
Discuss...
Friday, December 29, 2006
Inches and inches!
Well, I at least wanted it to SOUND dirty. I'm safely holed up in Denver. Yes, there's snow. Lots of it. The drive to Denver on Thursday was fine. Didn't even see any snow until I was almost right in the city. It's not all fun and games, though. There are many inches of snow on the ground, and since we didn't want to drive all the way to downtown for cocktails last night, Jerry and I tried to go see Dreamgirls just a bit south of the condo. A quick bite of dinner first, and then to the theater...which closed 15 minutes before we got there. *sigh* We ventured out for nothing! So back home for cocktails with Mary and her boyfriend. Never let it be said snow will prevent our merry-making.
Sadly, there wasn't enough snow to keep Jerry from having to work at the post office today. So at 7:30am we were back out in it, headed for Highlands Ranch. See, my car Georgina has all-wheel drive. Half of everything is closed today. They're keeping the main roads plowed very well here, and getting there and back was no stress at all. If you have half a brain cell and don't drive like a maniac, you're fine. As long as I don't encounter a jackass who's in too big of a hurry, I'm not worried!
As cold and snowy as it is, we've been commenting on how beautiful it is. The snow is falling down, not sideways. For a Wyoming boy, that's a little odd. There's a thick blanket of white on everything. The trees are gorgeous! It's quiet and peaceful. Everything's moving at a slower pace. There's food in the fridge, booze on ice, and movies galore! I brought my crocheting, my jewelry making kit, and my stationary so there's plenty to do. I'm leaving for the store in a minute to buy cow then drive to meet Scotty and Craig. We're going to cook steak and eggs for breakfast.
The moral of today's story: there's beauty and something positive in anything. Look at it from another perspective. Rather than focusing on the cold, look at the beauty of the trees, the snow, and the chance to pause for a moment.
Sadly, there wasn't enough snow to keep Jerry from having to work at the post office today. So at 7:30am we were back out in it, headed for Highlands Ranch. See, my car Georgina has all-wheel drive. Half of everything is closed today. They're keeping the main roads plowed very well here, and getting there and back was no stress at all. If you have half a brain cell and don't drive like a maniac, you're fine. As long as I don't encounter a jackass who's in too big of a hurry, I'm not worried!
As cold and snowy as it is, we've been commenting on how beautiful it is. The snow is falling down, not sideways. For a Wyoming boy, that's a little odd. There's a thick blanket of white on everything. The trees are gorgeous! It's quiet and peaceful. Everything's moving at a slower pace. There's food in the fridge, booze on ice, and movies galore! I brought my crocheting, my jewelry making kit, and my stationary so there's plenty to do. I'm leaving for the store in a minute to buy cow then drive to meet Scotty and Craig. We're going to cook steak and eggs for breakfast.
The moral of today's story: there's beauty and something positive in anything. Look at it from another perspective. Rather than focusing on the cold, look at the beauty of the trees, the snow, and the chance to pause for a moment.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Happy Holly-gays!
A friend recently sent me a holiday card. I like it so much, I thought I'd share it with all my readers. Hope your holidays are a hoot, a holler, and a half!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
It's my qwhat-a-mal-en-ness
You know...my natural heat. Today, I was scheduled to play racquet/handball with some of the boys. They, however, are afraid of me. Brendon was so ashamed of his impending loss that he failed to show up. Linus went so far as to feign a stomach bug and beg off sick. He started this fabrication yesterday, so he must be sore afraid. Ben was so frightened I'm not even sure he knew we were playing today! Aaron is truly terrified, because he has yet to even face me on the court.
I realize that being such a butch and athletic homo I strike terror into the hearts of (so-called) men, but COME ON. To stand me up completely? On the up side, I did finally play a worthy opponent: myself! Apparently 30 minutes of one-on-none racquetball can work up quite a sweat. It will no doubt make me that much tougher on the court, and I might never get the boys to come back to the gym.
Yup, you guessed it. I'm calling them out! If you play racquetball or handball, bring it on! I'm here through break, and willing to whoop up on people, singles or doubles. If there's three, we can play cut-throat.
I realize that being such a butch and athletic homo I strike terror into the hearts of (so-called) men, but COME ON. To stand me up completely? On the up side, I did finally play a worthy opponent: myself! Apparently 30 minutes of one-on-none racquetball can work up quite a sweat. It will no doubt make me that much tougher on the court, and I might never get the boys to come back to the gym.
Yup, you guessed it. I'm calling them out! If you play racquetball or handball, bring it on! I'm here through break, and willing to whoop up on people, singles or doubles. If there's three, we can play cut-throat.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Some days you're the windshield...
(Oops! I meant to post my Xmas card to everyone before I left for Denver. I scanned and loaded the image, but didn't get it linked. I'm a doing like that!)
I am officially in the holiday spirit. I had an early Xmas, or as I like to call it the Holly-Gays, in Denver. I got to spend time with Josh, which hadn't happened in months thanks to conflicting schedules. I got to give and receive a few presents. And I got to spend time with some amazing people.
There was the Christmas party at Mark and Alan's. Tres fab! A private tour of "Blossoms of Light," the light display at the Denver Botanical Gardens. Mark designs and puts it together each year as a contract, and I know just about all of his holiday elves who help wrap strand after strand of lights. This year the display was ranked #2 in the nation by AOL City Guide. There were cocktails once or twice (ha ha ha) and some new friends made. Stories, jokes, and incriminating evidence...we had it all. I left Denver feeling pretty darned good about things. Even the weather seemed to cooperate and give me a chance for one last lunch with the boys!
Then I got on I-25. Road conditions were NOT bad. Drivers, however, were dumb. 3 accidents between Denver and Fort Collins made for some VERY slow driving. I don't like doing 20 mph on the interstate, much less 3 mph. Finally north of FoCo, I decided to avoid the truck traffic I knew would be an issue between Cheyenne and Laramie. I buzzed across Owl Canyon Road without incident, though I did go a bit slower because of snow on the road. 287 wasn't bad either, and what little traffic existed was moving along at a very safe yet respectable 45-50 mph. Just before the Wyoming border, however, a semi driver was being...well, stupid.
Please note that driving too slow for conditions is ALSO dangerous. We'd been following him for 20 minutes, and traveled only 5 miles. Laramie was 25 miles away, and I knew that the vein in forehead would burst before I could stand another full hour of driving behind this twit. I'd already been on the road for 2.5 hours, after all. Traffic began to back up, and was up to a mile long before I was able to es-ca-pe (as Dorie told Nemo's dad).
After 3 hours of high stress driving, I returned home. I dropped off some holiday cheer to some of my friends and returned to the house at about 9pm. The visits had returned me to a calm state, and I felt no desire to scream. Then I went to bed at 10:30pm. And found the downstairs toilet was stuck running, and the reserve tank (clean water, thankfully) had overflowed. So I got to mop the bathroom clean for an hour before bed.
...and some days you're the bug.
I know the universe will not give me more than I can handle. Sometimes I just wish it didn't trust me so much! - Paraphrase from Mother Teresa
I am officially in the holiday spirit. I had an early Xmas, or as I like to call it the Holly-Gays, in Denver. I got to spend time with Josh, which hadn't happened in months thanks to conflicting schedules. I got to give and receive a few presents. And I got to spend time with some amazing people.
There was the Christmas party at Mark and Alan's. Tres fab! A private tour of "Blossoms of Light," the light display at the Denver Botanical Gardens. Mark designs and puts it together each year as a contract, and I know just about all of his holiday elves who help wrap strand after strand of lights. This year the display was ranked #2 in the nation by AOL City Guide. There were cocktails once or twice (ha ha ha) and some new friends made. Stories, jokes, and incriminating evidence...we had it all. I left Denver feeling pretty darned good about things. Even the weather seemed to cooperate and give me a chance for one last lunch with the boys!
Then I got on I-25. Road conditions were NOT bad. Drivers, however, were dumb. 3 accidents between Denver and Fort Collins made for some VERY slow driving. I don't like doing 20 mph on the interstate, much less 3 mph. Finally north of FoCo, I decided to avoid the truck traffic I knew would be an issue between Cheyenne and Laramie. I buzzed across Owl Canyon Road without incident, though I did go a bit slower because of snow on the road. 287 wasn't bad either, and what little traffic existed was moving along at a very safe yet respectable 45-50 mph. Just before the Wyoming border, however, a semi driver was being...well, stupid.
Please note that driving too slow for conditions is ALSO dangerous. We'd been following him for 20 minutes, and traveled only 5 miles. Laramie was 25 miles away, and I knew that the vein in forehead would burst before I could stand another full hour of driving behind this twit. I'd already been on the road for 2.5 hours, after all. Traffic began to back up, and was up to a mile long before I was able to es-ca-pe (as Dorie told Nemo's dad).
After 3 hours of high stress driving, I returned home. I dropped off some holiday cheer to some of my friends and returned to the house at about 9pm. The visits had returned me to a calm state, and I felt no desire to scream. Then I went to bed at 10:30pm. And found the downstairs toilet was stuck running, and the reserve tank (clean water, thankfully) had overflowed. So I got to mop the bathroom clean for an hour before bed.
...and some days you're the bug.
I know the universe will not give me more than I can handle. Sometimes I just wish it didn't trust me so much! - Paraphrase from Mother Teresa
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Happy Birthday
The universe sure is funny sometimes. I was checking on my friend Troy's blog. He's working in Antarctica. They're 18 hours ahead, so it's already the 1st of December there. My friend posted the Wikipedia entry.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_1
For those too lazy to click and read the whole entry, the item of note is that under births, it lists "1976 - Matthew Shepard, American murder victim (d. 1998)." I was a bit surprised that his birthday is listed on the official wiki calendar.
Don't get me wrong, I had not forgotten the date. The chatter on the Matthew Shepard lists (I lurk and monitor what the crazies are saying) has been going for some time now. Dec. 1st would have been Matt's 30th birthday.
No, I'm not going to get all morose on people. I celebrate Matt's life and the good that has come from his story. My point today is just that the little coincidences in life add up. Pay attention to them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_1
For those too lazy to click and read the whole entry, the item of note is that under births, it lists "1976 - Matthew Shepard, American murder victim (d. 1998)." I was a bit surprised that his birthday is listed on the official wiki calendar.
Don't get me wrong, I had not forgotten the date. The chatter on the Matthew Shepard lists (I lurk and monitor what the crazies are saying) has been going for some time now. Dec. 1st would have been Matt's 30th birthday.
No, I'm not going to get all morose on people. I celebrate Matt's life and the good that has come from his story. My point today is just that the little coincidences in life add up. Pay attention to them.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Giving thanks
So often we focus on the things that are difficult. The challenges we've faced, the struggles yet to come, and the trouble in between. It's easy to think about loss and pain; they leave a lasting impression on us. They stir up such a wealth of emotion it's hard not to focus on the darker days. On how hard this year has been. How tough the upcoming year will be.
I've been dealing with this a lot lately. It hasn't been the easiest of semesters. Or the easiest of years, for all that matter. "If I can just make it until my trip to Canada..." "Only three days of work before the holiday break..." I find myself saying things like this to myself (and others) all too often.
But this time of year is about being thankful. Thankful for those in our lives, the things we have, and the lessons we've learned. This year has once again taught me to be thankful for every precious day of life we have. For the amazing people in our lives, and the true friends who would give or do anything for us. I am truly blessed by the friends and family in my life. Though I struggle with money, bills, etc. I realize that I own a home, a decent vehicle, and have a college education. There are so many who don't have these basic material goods.
And I am thankful for the reminders, both gentle and forceful, that the universe gives me on a daily basis. The wisdom my friends offer me, even though they don't necessarily realize they're doing it. I'm also thankful for the good days I know are yet to come. The lessons I have yet to learn. The friends I have yet to make.
I wanted to pause for a moment and thank all of you for another amazing year, full of fun and adventure. And to tell you I can't wait for another year to come. Today I received a card from a friend in Chicago, with whom I am starting out on what promises to be an amazing journey. The quote on the front struck me, and so I'll leave you with this thought:
"Tomorrow is a new day,
You shall begin it well..." - Emerson
I've been dealing with this a lot lately. It hasn't been the easiest of semesters. Or the easiest of years, for all that matter. "If I can just make it until my trip to Canada..." "Only three days of work before the holiday break..." I find myself saying things like this to myself (and others) all too often.
But this time of year is about being thankful. Thankful for those in our lives, the things we have, and the lessons we've learned. This year has once again taught me to be thankful for every precious day of life we have. For the amazing people in our lives, and the true friends who would give or do anything for us. I am truly blessed by the friends and family in my life. Though I struggle with money, bills, etc. I realize that I own a home, a decent vehicle, and have a college education. There are so many who don't have these basic material goods.
And I am thankful for the reminders, both gentle and forceful, that the universe gives me on a daily basis. The wisdom my friends offer me, even though they don't necessarily realize they're doing it. I'm also thankful for the good days I know are yet to come. The lessons I have yet to learn. The friends I have yet to make.
I wanted to pause for a moment and thank all of you for another amazing year, full of fun and adventure. And to tell you I can't wait for another year to come. Today I received a card from a friend in Chicago, with whom I am starting out on what promises to be an amazing journey. The quote on the front struck me, and so I'll leave you with this thought:
"Tomorrow is a new day,
You shall begin it well..." - Emerson
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
My feet hurt
Yes, gentle readers...I've done it again. Once again, I have channeled the Mouth from the South and embodied Ms. Martina Gras (but you can call me Marti!). The Stilettos had their most recent show in Cheyenne last Saturday. I started shaving things on Thursday.
Each time I perform "in face" as a women, I am struck by the amount of work that goes into being an "acceptable" woman. Shaving, waxing, tweezing, plucking, and moisturizing. Then there's hair to get done, makeup to apply, garments that squeeze/tuck/shape/otherwise contort, pantyhose to wrestle...and then there's the damned shoes!
Heels are, in fact, a medieval torture device designed to weaken, enfuriate, and otherwise harass anyone who wears them. I managed to catch a heel on a chair leg and roll one of my ankles. Not the most graceful thing for a drag queen to do. But I channeled my inner diva and stood right back up, righted the overturned chair, and continued with the number as though nothing had ever happened. It wasn't until after I left the room that my most fabulous dressor extraordinaire, Ms. Bryski, checked for a wound. And there was a doozie of a floor burn and run in my stocking the size of Texas. Great fun!
Though I've said it before, I think it bears repeating. Straight men: the next time you're grumpy because your wife/girlfriend/sister/friend/female whatever is "taking too long getting ready..." Shut the fuck up! Because the next time I hear a man doing so, I shall promptly put him in true drag. He shall learn that putting on a full face of makeup takes an hour when done properly. That your makeup must be retouched several times throughout the course of the evening. That whatever she is wearing is probably designed for someone built like a twig, and that she's wearing shaping garments to squeeze herself to a "more perfect" vision of loveliness. Not only is it likely uncomfortable, it probably outright hurts!
So pipe down or deal with women going out without make up or decent clothes. They'll start throwing on a hat and baggy shirt whenever they leave. And you're not allowed to bitch about how she's letting herself go. Or I'll use my glued on nails to claw out your eyes and will plant a size 14 6 inch heel in your forehead.
Each time I perform "in face" as a women, I am struck by the amount of work that goes into being an "acceptable" woman. Shaving, waxing, tweezing, plucking, and moisturizing. Then there's hair to get done, makeup to apply, garments that squeeze/tuck/shape/otherwise contort, pantyhose to wrestle...and then there's the damned shoes!
Heels are, in fact, a medieval torture device designed to weaken, enfuriate, and otherwise harass anyone who wears them. I managed to catch a heel on a chair leg and roll one of my ankles. Not the most graceful thing for a drag queen to do. But I channeled my inner diva and stood right back up, righted the overturned chair, and continued with the number as though nothing had ever happened. It wasn't until after I left the room that my most fabulous dressor extraordinaire, Ms. Bryski, checked for a wound. And there was a doozie of a floor burn and run in my stocking the size of Texas. Great fun!
Though I've said it before, I think it bears repeating. Straight men: the next time you're grumpy because your wife/girlfriend/sister/friend/female whatever is "taking too long getting ready..." Shut the fuck up! Because the next time I hear a man doing so, I shall promptly put him in true drag. He shall learn that putting on a full face of makeup takes an hour when done properly. That your makeup must be retouched several times throughout the course of the evening. That whatever she is wearing is probably designed for someone built like a twig, and that she's wearing shaping garments to squeeze herself to a "more perfect" vision of loveliness. Not only is it likely uncomfortable, it probably outright hurts!
So pipe down or deal with women going out without make up or decent clothes. They'll start throwing on a hat and baggy shirt whenever they leave. And you're not allowed to bitch about how she's letting herself go. Or I'll use my glued on nails to claw out your eyes and will plant a size 14 6 inch heel in your forehead.
Friday, November 10, 2006
They made me come back
For the record, I had a ball in Canada. The hotel was nice, the mall was amazing, and the food was great! I got to catch up with friends I only see 3-4 days each year. I learned new things to bring back to work and improve my policies and procedures. I went to the indoor mini-golf course, the Asian supermarket, the dinner theater (where I was roped into dancing on stage, thanks to the aforementioned friends), and the indoor water park. I even managed to find a karaoke night and go out with my friends, who are the ones who got me hooked in the first place.
Things in Canada are a bit different than here. Everyone was dressed nicely, and the mall was chock full of high end clothing stores. The money's different, but the exchange rate isn't hard to figure out, and most places would accept US currency (for a fee). Everyone was quite nice and helpful, and the boys were PRETTY!!! Yum. Alcohol was pretty pricey, as there are several extra taxes. I'll get some of the GST (Goods and Services Tax) back, as Canada lets you send in receipts and get a refund if you don't live there. These taxes are what help pay for socialized medicine. Yup....every single person in Canada has medical care, so everyone is pretty healthy. Even the homeless (though I admittedly didn't see any hanging around the mall).
Just like my trip to Holland/Germany, it made me realize that there is a better way to do so many things. Since I'm gay, I could have claimed asylum and stayed there. The whole "I'd need a job and income" thing seemed to be a barrier to me, though. ;) I could live with higher taxes to ensure every person in the nation can see a doctor when they're sick. Besides...there are all those cute Mounties running around. *waggles eyebrows*
The trip back was long, and the weather wasn't great. I stopped in Seattle long enough to exit one plane, walk to the next concourse, and get in line for the next flight. 10 minutes from plane to plane, tops. During that time, I even managed to call NerdyGirl! I figured I couldn't very well be in her town and not call her, even if I was on the ground no more than 30 minutes. If I didn't, she'd send the Panda Army to beat me up. (Go read her blog and that comment will make more sense.)
If nothing else, it reaffirmed my belief that I learn so much when I step outside the familiar. When I embrace a new experience or a new way of looking at things. Today's homework: go somewhere new. See something different. Be adventurous. Try something you haven't before!
Things in Canada are a bit different than here. Everyone was dressed nicely, and the mall was chock full of high end clothing stores. The money's different, but the exchange rate isn't hard to figure out, and most places would accept US currency (for a fee). Everyone was quite nice and helpful, and the boys were PRETTY!!! Yum. Alcohol was pretty pricey, as there are several extra taxes. I'll get some of the GST (Goods and Services Tax) back, as Canada lets you send in receipts and get a refund if you don't live there. These taxes are what help pay for socialized medicine. Yup....every single person in Canada has medical care, so everyone is pretty healthy. Even the homeless (though I admittedly didn't see any hanging around the mall).
Just like my trip to Holland/Germany, it made me realize that there is a better way to do so many things. Since I'm gay, I could have claimed asylum and stayed there. The whole "I'd need a job and income" thing seemed to be a barrier to me, though. ;) I could live with higher taxes to ensure every person in the nation can see a doctor when they're sick. Besides...there are all those cute Mounties running around. *waggles eyebrows*
The trip back was long, and the weather wasn't great. I stopped in Seattle long enough to exit one plane, walk to the next concourse, and get in line for the next flight. 10 minutes from plane to plane, tops. During that time, I even managed to call NerdyGirl! I figured I couldn't very well be in her town and not call her, even if I was on the ground no more than 30 minutes. If I didn't, she'd send the Panda Army to beat me up. (Go read her blog and that comment will make more sense.)
If nothing else, it reaffirmed my belief that I learn so much when I step outside the familiar. When I embrace a new experience or a new way of looking at things. Today's homework: go somewhere new. See something different. Be adventurous. Try something you haven't before!
Friday, November 03, 2006
It's not even a real country anyway
Tomorrow morning at 4am I will leave for DIA with 3 friends/coworkers. From there, we will fly to Edmonton, Canada for our annual work conference. It travels around each year, and so far I have been to Denver, Richmond (VA), Portland, Providence, San Antonio, Baltimore, Monterrey, and now to Canada. Going to Canada is on my list of "Things to do before I die," though I had expected a visit to the International Peace Gardens or some other scenic detour. This is one more thing I'll be able to check off my list. Long time blog readers and friends may remember that I've had to expand the list in the past, as I had accomplished several of the things on the list.
I've seen a show ON Broadway (Phantom of the Opera, with my mom and sister), I've travelled somewhere that requires a passport (Holland), swam in the ocean on both coasts, and been to Germany (Kassel, to be precise). Still on my list: a trip to Hawaii, scuba diving, holding my niece, and taking a cruise. Note that several of these can be accomplished in one trip if I play my cards right. ;)
But this trip to Canada has made me realize that I have seen and done so many things in my life. Even with the pain and struggle that sometimes cloud our lives, there is a lot to experience out there. In the long run, I've had a good time of it and can't really complain. But now I have to come up with new things for my list. I'll keep you posted on the updates, but want to know: what's on your list?
I've seen a show ON Broadway (Phantom of the Opera, with my mom and sister), I've travelled somewhere that requires a passport (Holland), swam in the ocean on both coasts, and been to Germany (Kassel, to be precise). Still on my list: a trip to Hawaii, scuba diving, holding my niece, and taking a cruise. Note that several of these can be accomplished in one trip if I play my cards right. ;)
But this trip to Canada has made me realize that I have seen and done so many things in my life. Even with the pain and struggle that sometimes cloud our lives, there is a lot to experience out there. In the long run, I've had a good time of it and can't really complain. But now I have to come up with new things for my list. I'll keep you posted on the updates, but want to know: what's on your list?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Racquetball with the Rev
It's happened twice now. We both end up sweaty. He gives me a real workout. Today he left marks on my body. I know, the title sort of deflates the dirtiness, as you know I'm merely talking about playing racquetball. At the unholy hour of 6am. But of course, when the Dark Pope and the HFoC (Head Fag on Campus, much like a BMoC, only with show tunes) get together, SOMETHING must be unholy.
Neither of us can claim to be in prime physical condition. We're much older and....rounder...than most of the (college-aged) group with which we spend time. And yet, we give each other a real run for the money! We're of similar skill on the court. What I lack in speed, I make for with a large wingspan. What he lacks in speed, he makes up for with (disgustingly) trick shots and strategic placement. (I apparently can't return a ball that comes straight at me, or is served into the back left corner....to save my soul!)
We have a great time abusing each other at 6am. We laugh, we mock, we groan, we ache, and we out-swear the saltiest of sailors. Yes, nuns walking past the court would likely faint. Those who know us wouldn't really be that shocked. This morning resulted in one win for each of us. (This, incidentally was the first time I've won since taking the sport up again...and I've played against Ainsley a few times as well.) Each point was hard earned, too. Our first game, played to 21 points, took 36 minutes.
It's been nice getting a good solid workout in, though we both feel it afterwards. After our last match, the Rev commented "How do you feel? Cuz I feel like Patti LaBelle's hairstylist...I'm soooooooo tired." It's just before 11am, and my body is complaining about the vigorous pounding it took 5 hours ago. Of course, taking two shots to the body, one quite powerful and direct that missed a nipple ring by 3 inches, didn't help matters. (Rev, 5 hours later there's still a perfect red circle imprinted.) I'm feeling fairly confident that I will maintain the current level of weight loss...50 pounds, as of this morning!
But it's more than that. It's about two friends getting to spend time together. Sharing something (pain!). Pushing each other to do more, do better. We don't get mad when the other person makes an amazing kill shot...we simply "Nice shot...asshole." It's about moving and doing something. Becoming smaller versions of ourselves. Trying to make our bodies move like they did 10 years ago (har har har). Camaraderie, not competition.
Today's lesson: it's not always about winning. Sometimes it's nice to just struggle on, and to do it with someone. Even when they're your opponent.
Today's homework: find someone who can push you at something. Sports, games, cooking, conversation, thinking, puzzles, religion...anything. You'll be amazed how far you can go when you find someone you like and trust who will push back.
Neither of us can claim to be in prime physical condition. We're much older and....rounder...than most of the (college-aged) group with which we spend time. And yet, we give each other a real run for the money! We're of similar skill on the court. What I lack in speed, I make for with a large wingspan. What he lacks in speed, he makes up for with (disgustingly) trick shots and strategic placement. (I apparently can't return a ball that comes straight at me, or is served into the back left corner....to save my soul!)
We have a great time abusing each other at 6am. We laugh, we mock, we groan, we ache, and we out-swear the saltiest of sailors. Yes, nuns walking past the court would likely faint. Those who know us wouldn't really be that shocked. This morning resulted in one win for each of us. (This, incidentally was the first time I've won since taking the sport up again...and I've played against Ainsley a few times as well.) Each point was hard earned, too. Our first game, played to 21 points, took 36 minutes.
It's been nice getting a good solid workout in, though we both feel it afterwards. After our last match, the Rev commented "How do you feel? Cuz I feel like Patti LaBelle's hairstylist...I'm soooooooo tired." It's just before 11am, and my body is complaining about the vigorous pounding it took 5 hours ago. Of course, taking two shots to the body, one quite powerful and direct that missed a nipple ring by 3 inches, didn't help matters. (Rev, 5 hours later there's still a perfect red circle imprinted.) I'm feeling fairly confident that I will maintain the current level of weight loss...50 pounds, as of this morning!
But it's more than that. It's about two friends getting to spend time together. Sharing something (pain!). Pushing each other to do more, do better. We don't get mad when the other person makes an amazing kill shot...we simply "Nice shot...asshole." It's about moving and doing something. Becoming smaller versions of ourselves. Trying to make our bodies move like they did 10 years ago (har har har). Camaraderie, not competition.
Today's lesson: it's not always about winning. Sometimes it's nice to just struggle on, and to do it with someone. Even when they're your opponent.
Today's homework: find someone who can push you at something. Sports, games, cooking, conversation, thinking, puzzles, religion...anything. You'll be amazed how far you can go when you find someone you like and trust who will push back.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Warning: Blatant Sarcasm Ahead
Stolen shamelessly from a friend's myspace bulletin:
Some suggest gay marriage will merely undermine one of our most fundamental societal institutions, causing countless straight couples to get divorced because exclusion of gays was the only thing holding their marriage together. But we know better. Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs.
If we let liberal activist judges in Massachusetts and California set the course, the blood will run in rivers. Mixed with molten lava.
Top 13 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
13. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
12. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why our society has no single parents.
11. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
10. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
9. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
8. Gay marriage should be decided by the people and their elected representatives, not the courts. The framers checked the courts, which represent mainstream public opinion, with legislatures created to protect the rights of minorities from the tyranny of the majority. Interference by courts in this matter is inappropriate, just as it has been every time the courts have tried to hold back legislatures pushing for civil rights.
7. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Civil unions providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because "separate but equal" institutions are a good way to satisfy the demands of uppity minority groups.
5. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
4. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
3. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
1. METEORS and VOLCANOES.
We all know that it wasn't gay marriage that killed the dinosaurs -- it was a meteor that God sent to earth to spite them because they all became gay. Gay marriage itself doesn't kill anyone; it only gives them AIDS. My pastor told me that if we let gays get married, their AIDS might mutate and become airborn, and then what, huh? Airborne AIDS! Then we'll all have to walk around wearing masks and rubber suits and that wouldn't be much fun now would it?!
Some suggest gay marriage will merely undermine one of our most fundamental societal institutions, causing countless straight couples to get divorced because exclusion of gays was the only thing holding their marriage together. But we know better. Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs.
If we let liberal activist judges in Massachusetts and California set the course, the blood will run in rivers. Mixed with molten lava.
Top 13 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
13. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
12. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why our society has no single parents.
11. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
10. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
9. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
8. Gay marriage should be decided by the people and their elected representatives, not the courts. The framers checked the courts, which represent mainstream public opinion, with legislatures created to protect the rights of minorities from the tyranny of the majority. Interference by courts in this matter is inappropriate, just as it has been every time the courts have tried to hold back legislatures pushing for civil rights.
7. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Civil unions providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because "separate but equal" institutions are a good way to satisfy the demands of uppity minority groups.
5. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
4. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
3. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
1. METEORS and VOLCANOES.
We all know that it wasn't gay marriage that killed the dinosaurs -- it was a meteor that God sent to earth to spite them because they all became gay. Gay marriage itself doesn't kill anyone; it only gives them AIDS. My pastor told me that if we let gays get married, their AIDS might mutate and become airborn, and then what, huh? Airborne AIDS! Then we'll all have to walk around wearing masks and rubber suits and that wouldn't be much fun now would it?!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Rededication
My phone rang around 5am. The University President, Phil Dubois, was calling to tell me personally. To tell me what I knew in my heart before the phone even stopped ringing. After 5 days, Matt had passed. I was sitting on the floor, braced against the wall, too groggy with sleep to do much else. I just wept for a moment, though I think it was more because I knew he was no longer suffering. Then I stood up and headed toward the shower, knowing that there would be much to do that day.
Today, 8 years later, I'm heading for the shower in a more metaphoric sense. I'm rededicating myself to making a difference. To changing the world in which I live so that it's a better place. A safer place. A more welcoming place. A world worth Matt's legacy. A world worthy of our children, be they gay or straight. Black or white. Muslim or Jewish. Male or female. Rich or poor. Young or old.
This is MY pledge. Please take a moment today and make your own pledge to make something better.
Today, 8 years later, I'm heading for the shower in a more metaphoric sense. I'm rededicating myself to making a difference. To changing the world in which I live so that it's a better place. A safer place. A more welcoming place. A world worth Matt's legacy. A world worthy of our children, be they gay or straight. Black or white. Muslim or Jewish. Male or female. Rich or poor. Young or old.
This is MY pledge. Please take a moment today and make your own pledge to make something better.
Friday, October 06, 2006
A lesson 8 years in the making
Eight years ago, on October 6th, 1998, a new friend of mine left a bar. He left with two men who told him they were gay. And he trusted them. They told him they would give him a ride home. And he trusted them. Not long after he left with them, they tied him to a fence. They hit him in the head some 18 times with the butt of a .357 Magnum pistol. They left him to die. Because he trusted them.
I miss Matt every day. The universe knows that my life is so different today because I knew him. I didn't know him enough, though. I was busy planning Gay Awareness Week on campus. Dealing with the start of semester at work. I told myself I'd get to know him better after all that was done. I'd talk to him about his family. I'd encourage him to be more involved with the group on campus, perhaps even become an officer. I missed my chance, because I put events and agendas before people.
The last few weeks have reminded me of just how precious life is. Friends. Family. A part of me will mourn Matt every year at this time. But I also know that he'd rather we celebrate life. And the good that has come in the last 8 years. That we hold each other tighter to our hearts. That we tell each other more often how we feel, and let people into our hearts. Sadness is not his legacy. Love, peace, and understanding are. Today, I celebrate him. And each of you.
You are all angels. You give me wings.
I miss Matt every day. The universe knows that my life is so different today because I knew him. I didn't know him enough, though. I was busy planning Gay Awareness Week on campus. Dealing with the start of semester at work. I told myself I'd get to know him better after all that was done. I'd talk to him about his family. I'd encourage him to be more involved with the group on campus, perhaps even become an officer. I missed my chance, because I put events and agendas before people.
The last few weeks have reminded me of just how precious life is. Friends. Family. A part of me will mourn Matt every year at this time. But I also know that he'd rather we celebrate life. And the good that has come in the last 8 years. That we hold each other tighter to our hearts. That we tell each other more often how we feel, and let people into our hearts. Sadness is not his legacy. Love, peace, and understanding are. Today, I celebrate him. And each of you.
You are all angels. You give me wings.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Town Without Pity
"Town Without Pity" is an old song by Gene Pitney. It talks about small towns and the gossiping that goes on. I thought when I moved from Wright to Laramie that I was leaving behind the vicious grapevine for more enlightened pastures. Or at least a place where people had the common sense and intelligence to research for passing on wild speculation. Sadly, this is not the case.
Last Friday night I learned what rumors have been traveling around town regarding Scotty's stay in the hospital. Some of the rumors simply said that a gay guy was in the hospital. Some were more detailed, and included claims of drug overdose or complications related to HIV/AIDS. Some specifically said he's positive or took some "bad stuff." Neither of these are correct, of course, but why would something so trivial as the truth matter?
Needless to say, I was PISSED. I was pissed because the assumption was that because someone's gay, they must be on drugs or sick with AIDS. (Or both.) I had hoped we were beyond that era, especially within the freaking GLBTQ community itself, where the worst rumors were floating. I was pissed because I wondered how such a nasty story could get started. I was pissed because I could think of a few people in town who would do it just to be mean, because Scotty made the "horrific" choice of becoming my friend and becoming more involved. A "rainbow fag," as we're labeled. A dirty "activist." I was most pissed because someone I care about was being slandered after spending 8 of the most difficult, painful, and vulnerable days of his life. Shouldn't the focus be on "someone's in the hospital, I hope he's okay," not "what did he do to 'deserve' being there?" So I told Scotty and his boyfriend C about it, figuring that it was best if they heard it from me and not someone being petty or nosy.
And the teacher became the student. Scotty and C laughed. "Who cares what they're saying? They're just jealous like always." I REALLY wanted to be the protective mama grizzly bear. I wanted to find out who started the rumors, and to correct all the misinformation floating out there. When I first wrote this blog post in my head, that was a primary purpose. But it's not worth it. I could expend a lot of time and energy frothing at the mouth about this. If they were saying things about me, I wouldn't think twice about it and would laugh it off as I have the nasty things they HAVE said about me before. I'm just being over-protective of those I care about. Not a bad thing to do, mind you, but still wasteful of time and energy.
Scotty pointed out that he's just going to come back from all of this better and stronger than before. With a different perspective. A stronger determination to LIVE. A commitment to spending more time with family and friends. To not sweat the small stuff, or waste his time on things that DON'T matter. Like gossip. Rude people. We're going to spend time together improving our poi and flagging skills. Working out. Watching TV together, which is really an excuse to hang out and simple be together. Taking time to stop and smell the flowers.
Last Friday night I learned what rumors have been traveling around town regarding Scotty's stay in the hospital. Some of the rumors simply said that a gay guy was in the hospital. Some were more detailed, and included claims of drug overdose or complications related to HIV/AIDS. Some specifically said he's positive or took some "bad stuff." Neither of these are correct, of course, but why would something so trivial as the truth matter?
Needless to say, I was PISSED. I was pissed because the assumption was that because someone's gay, they must be on drugs or sick with AIDS. (Or both.) I had hoped we were beyond that era, especially within the freaking GLBTQ community itself, where the worst rumors were floating. I was pissed because I wondered how such a nasty story could get started. I was pissed because I could think of a few people in town who would do it just to be mean, because Scotty made the "horrific" choice of becoming my friend and becoming more involved. A "rainbow fag," as we're labeled. A dirty "activist." I was most pissed because someone I care about was being slandered after spending 8 of the most difficult, painful, and vulnerable days of his life. Shouldn't the focus be on "someone's in the hospital, I hope he's okay," not "what did he do to 'deserve' being there?" So I told Scotty and his boyfriend C about it, figuring that it was best if they heard it from me and not someone being petty or nosy.
And the teacher became the student. Scotty and C laughed. "Who cares what they're saying? They're just jealous like always." I REALLY wanted to be the protective mama grizzly bear. I wanted to find out who started the rumors, and to correct all the misinformation floating out there. When I first wrote this blog post in my head, that was a primary purpose. But it's not worth it. I could expend a lot of time and energy frothing at the mouth about this. If they were saying things about me, I wouldn't think twice about it and would laugh it off as I have the nasty things they HAVE said about me before. I'm just being over-protective of those I care about. Not a bad thing to do, mind you, but still wasteful of time and energy.
Scotty pointed out that he's just going to come back from all of this better and stronger than before. With a different perspective. A stronger determination to LIVE. A commitment to spending more time with family and friends. To not sweat the small stuff, or waste his time on things that DON'T matter. Like gossip. Rude people. We're going to spend time together improving our poi and flagging skills. Working out. Watching TV together, which is really an excuse to hang out and simple be together. Taking time to stop and smell the flowers.
Monday, September 18, 2006
A new story for SafeZone sessions
The next time anyone questions whether or not being gay is about sex or love, I want them to spend time in a hospital room with a gay couple. I've spent a fair amount of time in Scotty's room this week, sitting next to his parents, brothers, and boyfriend (whom shall be named C throughout the post). You couldn't help but see the worry, concern, and agony on C's face as he watched our beloved Puppy. Every groan, every wince, every grimace was met with a new line on C's furrowed brow. His love and compassion were SO apparent, that not even the most hardened conservative or religious zealot could mistake it for lust, passion, or the other stereotypical emotions/urges ascribed to GLBTQ folks by the narrow-minded.
The nurses commented on how amazing it was to see so many people spending so much time and energy on a patient; it was rare for them to see it. The saw firsthand the tender ways C cared for Scotty. He never batted an eyelash when asked for a drink of water, help moving a pillow to just the right spot, or a scratch on the nose when Scott couldn't lift his arms high enough to do it himself. They could sense C's pain and worry, and see it in his eyes. So much so that one of the nurses broke down and cried. She was so overwhelmed at their love and the pureness of it, she was moved to tears.
I can't say as though I blame her. I, too, watched C over the course of the week. I talked with him on the phone before he was able to leave work, jump in the car, and race to Scott's side. I held his hand when Scott was incoherent and unaware of his surroundings. And I talked with him about how he wanted nothing more than to stay with him until he's better, rather than going back to his job in Colorado.
Yes, if everyone in the world today could see someone concerned about their partner in the hospital, I'm sure that we would have gay marriage tomorrow. Not civil unions. Not domestic partnerships. Marriage. We would have equality in other realms too. Love is such a shining example of the goodness and purity of the human spirit...even if that human spirit doesn't happen to be heterosexual.
Go be an example of love today, especially if you are queer.
The nurses commented on how amazing it was to see so many people spending so much time and energy on a patient; it was rare for them to see it. The saw firsthand the tender ways C cared for Scotty. He never batted an eyelash when asked for a drink of water, help moving a pillow to just the right spot, or a scratch on the nose when Scott couldn't lift his arms high enough to do it himself. They could sense C's pain and worry, and see it in his eyes. So much so that one of the nurses broke down and cried. She was so overwhelmed at their love and the pureness of it, she was moved to tears.
I can't say as though I blame her. I, too, watched C over the course of the week. I talked with him on the phone before he was able to leave work, jump in the car, and race to Scott's side. I held his hand when Scott was incoherent and unaware of his surroundings. And I talked with him about how he wanted nothing more than to stay with him until he's better, rather than going back to his job in Colorado.
Yes, if everyone in the world today could see someone concerned about their partner in the hospital, I'm sure that we would have gay marriage tomorrow. Not civil unions. Not domestic partnerships. Marriage. We would have equality in other realms too. Love is such a shining example of the goodness and purity of the human spirit...even if that human spirit doesn't happen to be heterosexual.
Go be an example of love today, especially if you are queer.
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