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Thursday, October 22, 2009 A long time comingToday I received news that the Matthew Shepard Act has passed the Senate and will be heading to President Obama's desk for signature. So many of us have watched and waited for 11 years. We have written letters, called our representatives, spoken to our neighbors and relatives, and believed that one day we would prevail. We certainly didn't expect it to take this long, nor did anyone envision that it would be connected to a DOD spending bill. Truthfully, none of that matters to me today - only that we did it. I've sent the message to the Spectrum lists, texted some of my friends, and shared the links on Facebook. A couple of friends have asked me how I'm doing; it's probably because I mentioned I couldn't stop crying. I'm pretty sure they're tears of joy, though. To be honest, I'm a bit overwhelmed. After 11 years, it doesn't quite feel real. So many times we've come close to getting it passed, only to be turned away at the 11th hour. The last year hasn't been all success, either. After Prop 8 passed in California, I was left feeling somewhat discouraged. After all our hard work, after opening our lives and hearts to strangers so that they might understand, how could they still not get it? Today's vote signals to me that we really are making progress. It gives me a renewed belief that we will see equality in my day. That soon my marriage will mean something everywhere. That we will ensure ALL students feel safe and welcome in school. That we will all be respected and treated like human beings. The way Matt would have done it. It tells me that we will repeal the discriminatory laws, and enact protections. And that our hard work is not in vain. Most of all, I'm thinking about Matt. I know that he's smiling today, but also egging us on to do more. Don't stop here, because there's still so much that has to happen. We can't rest yet, but today at least, we can take comfort in our success. Matt, I renew my promise to you: I won't stop until everyone is safe.
Thursday, October 08, 2009 Thinking of you...I usually send a message your way on the 7th, but I know you'll forgive my tardiness; I've been sick with a cold. I've been thinking about you a lot lately; I always do this time of year. I still miss you, even after all these years. I miss seeing your smile on campus and getting a chance to talk to you about your Poli Sci class or the paper that's stressing you out. I miss the sparkle in your eye as we talk about the upcoming events for Gay Awareness Week. Did you know that it's now a whole month? I was just getting to know you when you left. I had hopes that you'd become an officer for the student group; you sure seemed to have leadership skills, personality, and enthusiasm. So much has changed since then, and yet, at the same time, so much hasn't. Part of me wants to apologize for the things that haven't. I wish we had stronger laws today - I don't know that it would have made a difference or changed the outcome, but at least it would make a statement that what happened is not okay to us as a society. I wish that the government took people like us more seriously - or at least treated us as people. That you could hold any job for which you're qualified, live in any place you can afford, and visit your loved one in any hospital. Most of all, I wish you were still here. I'm sure there's more we could have done to make these things happen sooner, but I also know there's only so much we can do at once. And I know that they WILL happen. I'm also proud of what we have done, though. Policies here HAVE changed, and we've come a long way since you were here. We've got a resource center now, and you should see how many students hang out there during the day. We go talk to a lot of classes every semester, and so many programs are firmly established now. What you must think of where we are. I often wonder how much of that we owe, at least in part, to you. I don't really have an answer, and I know it's not as simple as cause/effect relationships. Time and progress move on with or without us, but I know deep in my soul that you're a part of all this. Somehow, that knowledge helps a bit, though perhaps that's just mental defenses trying to rationalize and protect from pain. It seems like someone is always asking me about you. Wanting to know more. Trying to understand. I hope I'm doing you justice; I worry about that all the time. I can only wonder what you'd say about something, how you'd react to this news or that event. I'm sorry that so many people have said such horrible things about you, but I also know that's nothing new to either of us. I'm sorry so many people have tried to twist the way you left - make it seem more justified...or somehow blame you. I've tried to give people the full story, but I can't force folks to listen and I can't stop rumors and misinformation from flying wildly. I've tried to do what I think is right, and what I think would represent you and your ideals. We both know I'm not alone - there are thousands of folks out there doing great work. How amazing is your mom?! She never ceases to amaze me. It's not always easy. I admit that I get tired at times, and sometimes I just don't want to relive the horror, shock, and pain. When that happens, I try to think of your smile, your laugh, and the fact that you're not around to speak up for yourself. I know it's not my fault or my job, but I feel like someone ought to speak on your behalf. To tell people your story in the hopes that someone might be spared what you endured. That their hearts will be softened or lifted, and that hope and understanding will fill that space. That they'll be a little bit more like you. I know you weren't perfect, but I still look up to you. I won't get the chance to see what you could have done, but I hope that what I do makes you proud...and that you'll let me know somehow that your amazing smile is still here with me. I miss you, Matt. (In memorium, Matthew Shepard: Dec 1, 1976 - Oct 12, 1998)
Friday, August 28, 2009 A letter to GaryFor the record, I was working on a nicer, less political/militant/bitchy post, and then I read my daily gay news update. For those who are part of the inside joke, just read the following post and imagine a % symbol on either side of the whole thing. Gentle readers, I'd like to introduce you to Gary Herbert, the new governor of Utah - I'd like to have a conversation with Gary today, though you're free to listen in. The previous gov, Jon Huntsman, is off to take a new job as the ambassador to China. Congrats, Jon. When asked why he doesn't support GLBTQ rights bills like Jon did, Gary had this to say:
The full article is at http://www.advocate.com/news_detail_ektid107916.asp if you're interested, though I should warn you - it might make your brain bleed a little bit. I know it did mine. I'm afraid we don't live in Candyland, though they have rules there too, come to think of it. I would say that most people resist their homocidal tendicies by not killing people...but it's not because it's considered "doing the right thing." No, we have laws that prohibit such actions, and they comes with penalties that punish folks who just can't seem to do what's right. The simple truth of the matter is that not everyone does the right thing all the time, and that we should prepare ourselves for the times when they don't. I like to call this "reality." Gary also said it would bog the state down in "minutiae." Really, Gary? Can I call you Gary? I don't believe that visiting my partner in the hospital or being able to get him insurance (which we currently can't) is minutiae. And Gary, I don't think it's "trivial" that he would have to pay extra inheritance taxes on the house if something happened to me. And it's not a "detail" that he can legally be fired for being gay. Gary went on to ask "Where do you stop? I mean, that's the problem going down that slippery road. Pretty soon we're going to have a special law for blue-eyed blonds ... or people who are losing their hair a little bit." I realize that as a new governor you're probably a very busy guy, Gary, but let's try to stay on topic. I'd appreciate it if we could compare apples and apples here, if you know what I mean. We're not firing people for being blonde and we're not saying you can't get married if you're bald. Our laws DO prevent regular folks like me from doing the same thing because I happen to love another man. Also for the record, the "slippery slope" argument is a type of logical fallacy. I learned to avoid these in debate, clear back in 9th grade, but it seems Gary didn't. Gary, imagine for a moment that you lived in a world where a majority of the folks happen to be gay, but you're still straight. (I hope I'm not assuming too much, Gary - I'm going to guess that you're just unaware, rather than think you're a masochistic, self-loathing queen who needs to put down the dress and come out of the closet and into the light with the rest of us...but I digress.) Would it be fair for the gay society to take away over 1000 federal rights and privileges? Would you be willing and able to change who you love just so you can fit in? When you can't find a job, rent an apartment, or have your partner at your bedside in ICU, would it still just be "minutiae" or "a slippery slope?" Gary, I read about your comments in a daily news update. Earlier this week there was a story about a Michigan man who was attacked in a park by his neighbors because he's gay; they beat him severly and burned him with cigarettes. Today's included a followup story announcing the sentence in another case of assault, this time in Dallas. This summer I've read about Fort Worth police beating a man in a gay bar during a "routine check," a teacher who was fired for being gay, and a pastor who claims a tornado was God's punishment for allowing gay clergy. Oh silly me, I guess that was all just this month, my mistake. Are these minor annoyances too, the kind that would "bog down" the government? You know, Gary, I've been told there are a number of folks living in Utah who happen to be LDS. Now I don't agree with a whole lot the Mormon Church says, but I respect their right to say and believe it. I also don't think it's okay to persecute anyone of any faith for their beliefs as long as those beliefs stay within the confines of the law. I'm very glad we have laws that protect religious folks' employment, right to marry, right to buy a house, etc. I know there are folks out there who might fire people over their religion or make comments about "those people" moving into the neighborhood. Gary, don't you think everyone deserves the same respect?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Take your ball and go homeAnd here's where I try to offend and enrage some of my friends. For those not in Laramie, there was a bit of a row when UW announced the closure of the Geological Museum along with a host of other cuts made necessary by a shortfall in the budget. There were letters to the editor, messages across listserves, and video posts decrying the action. "Where will the children learn about dinosaurs!? How will they learn to love science?!" Essentially, the message was that the big bad President and his cronies were taking the dinos away from the kiddos. Of course, it's not as simple as all that. Don't get me wrong; I wasn't happy to hear the museum was closing either. My mother brought us here on vacations, and we always made it a point to swing through the museum. I came here with just about any school trip that made it as far south as Laramie, and remember walking through the display of rocks that reacted to UV lights on junior high and high school trips for competitions held on campus. As a student at UW, I would stroll through from time to time, checking to see what was new or what had changed. I don't want to see it close, but I also know that President Buchanan and the rest of the UW admin don't WANT it to happen either. Budget problems mean tough choices. They can mean that Jesse and I don't join our friends for a night on the town because we have to buy dog food for the kids and Ramen for ourselves. They can also mean that a museum closes to save staffing dollars and overhead costs, rather than cutting scholarship programs that keep current students in school or cutting a major from the books. No matter what gets cut, you can be certain that SOMEONE is not going to like it, someone is going to miss the services they once enjoyed, and someone might lose their job. I'm certainly glad I'm not the person who has to decide which person isn't needed as much as someone else. But that's the choice we're left with at times. I may not agree with all the decisions made, but I also don't have ALL the facts in front of me. Call me foolish, but having spent some time with the President and other admin types at UW, I really do believe they have its best interests at heart. This week UW announced that the Foundation had secured funding for a security position for the museum, meaning they can reopen their doors. True, it will probably not have the same hours, and there won't be a curator there to offer tours on a whim. It's not the same as it was. To me, it's much more important that UW listened to the public outcry, and did what they could to make it better. The kids can once again see the dinosaurs. They can wonder at the "ordinary rocks" that glow in the dark when you push the button for the black light. Science has once again been given to the little ones. Wouldn't you think that people would be a bit happier? So far, I've only heard complaints. "What about Brent's (the curator) job? Who will lead tours?! Who will share their knowledge?! This is unacceptable!" This angers me. I wish Brent could keep his job and that nothing had to change. But it does, and it doesn't help matters to point fingers and do nothing but bitch. It might be an assumption, but I figure most visitors to the museum can read, and there's plenty of signage to offer a self-guided tour. Not every museum has tours, and yet I've managed to enjoy and learn from them anyway. For those who are too young to read, it's a pretty safe bet that they'll be accompanied by someone who can. Parents or teachers, perhaps. Will people get the same amount of info, or be able to have a random question answered on the spot? Probably not. So what? Shockingly enough, you might have to go LOOK UP INFORMATION FOR YOURSELF. You might have to go find an answer for your children. And that's actually a good thing, folks. It teaches them how to get answers for themselves, rather than having to rely on someone else being there to spoon-feed you facts. My mother made me look up words in the dictionary too, and I lived to tell about it. I even developed a thirst for knowledge, and to this day will look up info on my own. It's called learning. I refuse to believe that we've become so lazy that we are incapable of learning on our own. We're too used to asking Wikipedia, the History Channel, our professors, the nightly news, or anyone else to tell us what's important. To condense knowledge into bite-sized digestible pieces that fit into our shortened attention spans. UW is doing its best to meet folks half-way. They know the museum is a great resource and that it's important to people. So they're doing what they can in a tough situation. The way I see it, we can sit back and poo-poo the fact that it won't be as good as it was or exactly the way we think it ought to be. We can focus on what they're not GIVING us rather than the effort they're making despite a lack of funds. Or we could recognize that they're focusing on what people said was the biggest problem with the closure. That they're willing to listen to public comment. Which is more wise? I know what my mother would have done. She's the one who taught me that if someone else is buying and cooking grilled cheese for dinner, I better not complain that it's not the steak I really wanted. So don't expect sympathy or sorrow from me because you only got part of what you asked for. Don't be surprised if I don't loathe the President with the same venom as you because he had to make a tough choice. My mother raised me better than that, and perhaps if more people did the same, our students would score better on tests, be better prepared before entering the work force, and would develop a deeper love of learning...you know...that stuff you said was the most tragic loss and insult. The learning will still be there, you just might have to be a little more active in the process. Today's lesson...well, lessons:
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 The Bug Has BittenRecently I decided it was time to begin planning the wedding in earnest. I'd been out to a few wedding sites before, and bookmarked things that looked like they would come in handy. I finally got them printed off and organized in a binder. I set up a wedding website, created our wedding registries, and we started talking about things like colors. We've already got an officiant, DJ, photographer, and the wedding party pretty well nailed down, thanks to fabulous friends. All of this was kind of fun, and I felt rather ahead of the game. I started on a guest list, and from there am looking into available venues. And then I went to a wedding... Jesse's brother Ryan and I went to Kaycee this last weekend for their cousin's wedding. Haley and Geoff are amazing people, and are hellaciously fun to boot. Of course we agreed to do whatever we could to help out with preparations and such. So we spent a few days hanging thule, setting up chairs, arranging flowers, and doing most any task that needed doing. We hauled around the bride, helped figure out how to make things pretty, and played MC at the reception. Our bodies were sore and our feet were blistered, but we had a lot of fun too. I tend to tear up at weddings, but this time I lost it about 15 seconds into the ceremony. The couple is very close to our hearts, and we'd invested a lot of time in everything turning out just so. And it did. Haley was a vision. Geoff looked incredible in his suit. Yet all I could think about was that in just over a year, I'd be doing the same thing with Jesse - celebrating our love and commitment to one another. Formalizing what's in our hearts. I can't wait! Today's lesson: Do something for someone you care about, for no other reason than: you can. You just might enjoy it, and learn something about yourself in the process.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Silver LiningsYup, I have an acute case. Of the blah's, that is. So many of my friends have been commenting on the fact that it's June, yet we're stuck with day after day of rain, cold, and gray. It's been fairly nice in the mornings, but by the time we're getting off work, it's storming again. We've had hail, rain, and rain. In Goshen County and Aurora, CO there were tornadoes. Every day we fear for the safety of the tender young, impressionable plants we worked so hard to plant...and paid a fair chunk of change for. We're used to fairly decent weather this time of year. The old joke is that Wyoming has two seasons: winter and construction. Looking around, I note that there are several streets torn up and that highways to most anywhere come with a delay. So where's the sunshine and 75 degree weather we dream of all winter long? It takes a lot out of a person. I can tell Jesse is crankier when he can't go mow, pull weeds, or otherwise putter in the yard. I know that I'm happier when it I don't freeze my ass off in the office all day long and when I can lounge in the sun and fresh air. I keep trying to look at the bright side, though. When it's warm outside, my office can also be unbearably hot. Being on the 4th floor of the oldest building on campus can do that to you. It also means that we're not having to water the lawn every single day, and that means lower water bills. It also means that later this summer, we might have a chance to go boating or floating. It means that the plants will grow more, the animals will have more food and be stronger, and we might stave off a drought for a while longer. I still miss the sun, though. I try to focus on the silver linings, but it's sometimes harder than it looks.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009 Today in History...If you think about the sheer volume of world history, any given date will have seen important moments. Today is no exception. I bopped on over to History.com and Todayinhistory.com to check out what had happened on the May 26ths of the past. Of course, I found some interesting tidbits:
Neat stuff, right? At least if you're a geek like me. Here are some that seemed important, ironic, or otherwise relevant today. 1937 - the Golden Gate bridge opened 1994 - Michael Jackson marries Lisa Marie Presley 1938 - The House Committee on Unamerican Activities is formed 1989 - The Danish Parliament allows gay marriage I know that this, too, shall pass and that progress and momentum are on our side. So let's spend more time fighting for what should be a no-brainer because a fundie got their undies in a twist. We've got nothing better to do, like fix the economy, reduce unemployment, ensure everyone can see a doctor, fight diseases on a global scale, repair social security, end a war....get the point yet? Here's the other thing that happened today: for a huge segment of the population, the fight is on. Remember how we mobilized in response to the AIDS epidemic? You ain't seen nothing yet. You have challenged our right to love, and straight or gay, that's a sure way to back a human being into a corner. And NOBODY puts Baby in the corner. We're not going away and we're not giving up. There were 106 rallies across the country today. I can't wait to see what we'll do next. Our hearts will not be denied and our voices will not be silenced. That would be Unamerican, and our love (and weddings) are worth fighting for.
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