Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Fun at the eye doctor?!

It really is possible! Who knew!? First of all, my eye doctor has the sophisticated, nerdy hot thing going for him. He's got a great smile and eyes you could get lost in. Appropriate, don't you think? He's also super gay-friendly. We had a lovely conversation today about his friend from St. Louis who owns a gay bar, and how they went down to Charlie's in Denver the last time he was in town.

Now, I didn't really NEED to go to the eye doctor, but I had a substantial amount of flex medical reimbursement money to use this year. Apparently I was too healthy, at least for things other than colds, etc. for which I didn't see a doctor. So I had money to splurge on new glasses. Because my prescription didn't change much (it actually was a bit better than usual today), getting a new pair of glasses for the office seemed silly and wasteful. So I'm getting a new pair of prescription sunglasses. With $300 Oakley frames. I've never owned shades other than the $15 versions available at the local mega-marts. I think they look good on me, and the nice folks there agreed with me.

To boot, Dr. Hunky furrowed his brow a bit during the exam and asked if I had ever considered lasik surgery. I had, but since my prescription was so mild and I am far-sighted, he'd never been too wild about it. However, his top surgeon in Denver is doing a study on...lasik for far-sighted people. Dr. Hunky thinks I'd be a great candidate for the study, and is sending my info south. If selected, I will get FREE lasik! He told me with a slight grin that the "downside" is that follow-up appointments would be in Denver. "You mean I'd have to take time off from work, create a long weekend in Denver, and have a legitimate excuse to head south and go out to REAL clubs?" Gee. Darn. Sign my ass up!!!

In other news, I have released the schedules for my employees...my major stress over break periods and the only serious deadline hanging over my head right now. WOOT!

This rarely seen bright and cheery mood is brought to you by the letter Q (for queer) and the number 9 (for inches).

Monday, December 19, 2005

Professor Higgins, I could have danced all night!

In fact, I did. But we'll get to that. Olive Garden was delicioso as per usual. How can you go wrong with the soup, salad, and breadstick lunch? Once in Denver, we headed to Jerry's to unpack and unwind. Chuck and Jerry arrived a little after we got there, and margaritas weren't far behind. We just laughed and lounged and drank until it was time to head for the theater. The movie was incredible beyond words. It was passionate, tender, brutal, and honest. You saw every ounce of lust, love, and pain of the original story. I was in awe. After the film, Cory and I headed for the club. Scott and Craig showed up as we were heading for the door. We got in before there was a cover. I love it when the timing is totally on.

After about 20 minutes, I took to the dance floor. When they play Cher, how could I not? There were very few people there yet, and I normally wouldn't be on the dance floor without more bodies to keep me anonymous. But Cory, Scott, Craig, and more new friends in Denver were with me, and it just felt right. We started to dance. We didn't stop except to get a fresh drink from the bar or switch to the 80's room for a few minutes. 3 hours. I danced non-stop for 3 hours. Then we switched to an after hours club, located in a basement of a building near the capital building. At nearly 3am, Cory and I were exhausted, and drove back to Englewood to the condo for the night. We went to "The Petticoat Bruncheon" at the Bump and Grind...translation: brunch served by boys in scary bad drag.

As if the events weren't fun enough, the friendship was incredible. I hadn't been out dancing with Scott or Cory, and Cory had never been to a real gay club. Cory found a nice Argentinian boy named Claudio to dance and flirt with. Scott and I saw a side of each other we'd never seen, and opened up to each other like never before. Craig and I bonded. I feel alive again.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Time for a gay weekend

I've had it. I'm sick of work. I'm sick of Laramie. So against my better judgement (translation: financial situation) I'm evacuating town this weekend for a gay getaway. Cory and I will be driving south, listening to the Rent soundtrack over and over. While Georgina (my car) is getting an oil change, we will be having the soup, salad, and breadstick lunch at The Olive Garden in Fort Collins. From there, it's on to Denver! We'll be staying at Jerry's condo in Englewood. He's already putting a bucket of margaritas in the freezer for our arrival. We shall find fabulous food somewhere in Denver before heading to the Mayan Theater for Brokeback Mountain - nominated for 7 Golden Globes. We're meeting up with a small contingent from Laramie including Keith and Khristian for the show. Tickets have already been purchased, and a good thing too. The Mayan is the only theater in Denver showing the film, and rumor has it that it's sold out on both screens Saturday night. After what promises to be a FANTASTIC movie, we will head out to Tracks, one of the gay dance clubs, for a night of cutting loose! Brunch on Sunday, no doubt. Jess is puppy-sitting, and has therefore made this regeneration break possible. Shout out, Babe!

I leave you with a short interview with Annie Proulx, author of the original short story, Brokeback Mountain. It's good. Read it, bitches:

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Sibling Rivalry

My sister just turned 29 on Friday. She made the mistake of logging in this morning. Brothers and sisters are supposed to make each other crazy now and then. Sometimes, they also have fun. Happy Birthday Sis!

J: Heh. You're old.
S: hehe, younger than you. I'm not 30 yet. nananana!
J: Not by much. I refuse to turn 30, so I'll be having my third annual 29th birthday next time. Before long, I’ll be younger than you!
S: What if I refuse to turn 30? Then I'll be 29, but still fewer times than you, so I'm still younger.
J: Nope. Moms can't not turn 30. It's the law. Especially in communist countries. I saw it on Jeopardy.
S: That shows what you know! Moms with gay brothers are exempt from that
J: Not if it makes them younger than said gay brother. We have to be the youngest and prettiest.
S: well, then you are losing anyway...I'm the prettiest one. That's why mom liked me best.
J: *laugh* See...now you're just talking crazy talk. Moms always like the gay boys best.
S: you're in denial...they only PRETEND to like them better because the gay boys are so sensitive...moms don't want to hurt their feelings
J: Girl...moms know we can kick a little ass and whip out a little 'tude. We're like best gal pals.
S: ah, but you are the "high maintenance" best friend that's really only superficial...great to go shopping with, but not who you call for real stuff
J: Shopping, cocktails, and girl talk. What's more real than that?!
S: Um...reality.
J: Oh honey....reality is just that stuff on TV. Shows like "Big Gay Brother," "American Idolatry," and "Survive Me." (I'm having so much fun channeling Karen Walker!)
S: But honey, Karen has way nicer boobs!
J: You haven't seen pictures of the drag show yet. 52DD. Who needs a purse when you have cleavage from hell?
S: And you found that size...where?

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

No Day But Today

Sometimes I am a walking stereotype. I freely admit that I love Broadway and show tunes. It will come as no shock to those who know me that I went to see Rent for the third time last night. Spectrum, the queer student group I advise, went to see the show as a group. We ended up having a sing along in the theater. There were few other people in the theater, we were bigger and meaner, and we actually had some talent...so we decided to go for it. It was nothing short of magical. Each time I see it, the recurring themes come back to me...stronger than before. Love fiercely. Live each day as if it is your last. These are the easy ones.

The name of the play "Rent" doesn't just refer to paying the bills. It's also about people's lives and groups of friends being torn into pieces...being rent apart. And bringing them back together. The drag queen character, Angel, teaches everyone to value love and friendship. To be yourself. To be unabashedly and unapologetically unique. To give freely of your heart, your time, and your worldly goods..."Today for you, tomorrow for me."

We should each be reminded of these things, and often. So in true gay show tune fashion, I leave you with your homework, in the form of a song:

There's only us
There's only this...
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

Monday, December 05, 2005

The Pope is a Spin Doctor

My office aide was watching segments of the Today Show recently. The Catholic church has recently "lightened up" on its stance regarding unbaptized babies and limbo. I realize that limbo is not official church doctrine. What was funny to me, though not shocking at all, was that an official from the Catholic Church went on national TV and said that the Pope had asked their committee to re-examine the issue and put a more "positive spin" on it. The fact that any church changes positions on an issue or theological interpretation is not shocking. Most of my Catholic friends said "Don't you think we KNOW the church shifts on issues?" Of course! But now they're publicly admitting it on national TV.

In short, it's okay for the church to change it's mind. But not on the whole gay thing, of course. ;)

Wednesday, November 30, 2005


I've spent the week with ups and downs, to be sure. It's been a long semester for me, and I know I'm not the only one. Work involves stress and drama. I spent a fair amount of time today trying to find the new Rent soundtrack...which is apparently not available in Laramie. Thank goodness for Amazon.

But a funny thing happened as I scoured the stores of Laramie. While in K-Mart, I ran into my old mentor teacher and her husband. I hadn't seen her since I did Romeo's soliloquy for her 9th grade classes. She asked me how I was doing and what was new. My answer surprised me.

I didn't tell her about work. I told her that I had a chapter in a diversity textbook that will be published before long. I told her that I have my second paid speaking gig coming up. I told her that I connected with the Safe and Drug-Free Schools coordinator in Cheyenne, and that she wants me to come do SafeZone trainings all over the Laramie County School District. I told her that I was doing what I had dreamed of, what she helped me realize I wanted, that I was making it happen. Slowly but surely. It wasn't until I was done telling her, and seeing her face light up, that I realized it was true.

Despite all the stress, the frustration, the single-ness, the feeling old...I am doing good things and working towards what I want. It made me stop and smile, despite Laramie's lack of taste in soundtracks, spending too much money on the payday shopping trip, and the freezing cold weather. So I want everyone to stop for a moment and take stock in what you're doing. I know most of my regular readers, and know that you're doing the same thing. It's finals time here at UW, and that means a lot of stress. So pause and remember that you are working toward something. It's not all in vain. Hang in there, and remember to give yourself credit. As long as you're moving forward, you're moving. The rest is details.

Monday, November 28, 2005

I already sent this to some of you via email, but thought I would share with all. You should watch this video, but you must do it with sound. This is what happens when you double major in music and electrical engineering...and have WAY too much time on your hands before the holidays.


Thursday, November 24, 2005

I am thankful...

...for each of you. You are all an important part of my life. You are my family. So thank you for being you.

Monday, November 21, 2005

I'm still here

Not to worry, I am still alive and kicking. Since my last post, I have been to Monterey, California for a conference, been down with a nasty head cold, and logged WAY too many hours of karaoke for my own good. Oh, and I actually put together a professional website. So check out www.biggayjim.com if you're looking for a taste of my gayness. That'll tide you over until I have a "real" post.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

It's a gayby!

Forget the babies...here's a gayby. Specifically, these would be the first ultrasound pictures of my nephew or niece. And of course, since I'm SO gay, the baby has turned into a gayby. Hey, if OTHER people can have a dark acolyte...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Proof there is balance in the universe

It's true. Yesterday, I was shown divine proof that balance does indeed exist in the Universe. What proof, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. As most here in Laramie know, Daddy Bush was in town for a public speaking engagement. This meant buildings being closed for security sweeps, major roads being blocked off so that motorcades could pass by, and an impending sense of Republicanosity in town. Needless to say, my little ol' gay self was feeling like I needed a shower and a cocktail. But it's true what they say about it being darkest before the dawn. Just as I was ready to wallow in the depths of despair that only a relative (and spawner) of W can bring, a light revealed itself. I got in the car and tuned into Derek and Romaine on the radio. Who was their guest? That's right. Star of music and film herself...repeated guest on "The Love Boat"...and a semi-icon in the gay community: CHARO! With her skimpy and oh-so-colorful outfits, her large breast, and her thick accent as she giggles "coochie coochie coochie," she's about 2 seconds away from being a drag queen. She's still overly energetic, very friendly, and still loves her 'mos! She's just released a new CD and has kept busy as an entertainer on...shockingly...cruises. Including gay ones. And she parties down with the party boys, from the sounds of it. So just remember, for stuffed shirt Republican war monger out there...there's a Charo to balance it out!

PS...if you don't know who Charo is...die you infant scum!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Fuck my feet hurt

Well, I'd say the show was a success. We raised $1300 for the RRC, had a standing-room-only audience, and had a shitload of fun too. What more could you hope to do with a Saturday night in Laramie? Well, make people think, that's what.

Last night Kristen, our beloved cocktail fairy, had several run ins with "regulars" who kept asking "Why are there gay men on the stage at the Cowboy." She finally had enough and began responding with rather pointed terms and tones. "Look...they've brought in a crowd twice what we'd have at this time on a Saturday night. They're buying 4 times as many drinks, and they're buying cocktails...not beer...which cost twice as much. They're having fun and raising money for a good cause. If you don't like it, JJ's bar is down the street. Oh...and this is going to become an annual fucking event!" I love the way she made an executive decision...and came to happily report it all to us backstage.

As happy as I was about her response to narrow-mindedness, a later story made me tear up...thank goodness for waterproof mascara. Apparently, one such regular stayed for a while, decided "it wasn't his thing" to hang out with gay people, so he took her advice. A while later that night, he came back. When she asked him about why, he said that he had been to 2 other bars while he was gone. And had not had any fun. So he came back to a place where people WERE having fun. "So see...it's not so bad, is it?" she asked him. "No. No it's not. Can I get a beer" was his simple response.

All in all, a successful night, don't you think? The nails are off, the makeup removed, and the feet propped up. Now all I have to do is start looking for more numbers...apparently our adoring fans will not hear of the possibility it was a one-time deal.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Alright, now I'm pissed

Yesterday I received a package notification slip from the post office. I was expecting my new kite, so I raced to the P.O. to claim my new baby! Thanks to the frickin' traffic on the Clark St. viaduct, I pulled up the Post Office about 1 minute after they locked up the clerk's area. Spending 10 minutes to travel 1 block over the damned bridge was enough to frost my cookies, but then I went to claim my goodies this morning.

I left the office and went out to the car, ready to hustle my buns to the P.O. with claim slip in hand. As I walked up to the car, I noticed that one of my fabulously gay stickers had been ripped in half! My FOD (Friends of Dorothy) sticker is now only half there. :( And I'm pissed! This is the first time my car has been defaced in any way, and it's pretty clear that it wasn't something that just blew off the car or was washed away.

I know that I probably should be happy that it was only one sticker...and not paint, tires, windows, etc. But the concept just pisses me off. I don't go around defacing Jesus fish, yellow ribbons, Army bumper stickers, or even anti-gay stickers handed out by the 700 club. So why does someone feel the right to trash one of my stickers, for which I paid good money. And why choose FOD instead of the Bush is a Muggle sticker or one of the more overtly gay stickers? *sigh* Narrow minded people: Can't live with 'em, can't dig NEARLY enough shallow graves to hide 'em all.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Another gay post

Who knew?! I'm going to have consecutive gay posts. I just wanted to let everyone know that hope for a kinder, gentler (read more gay friendly) future is not lost. I just returned from Powell, Wyoming. A largely agricultural community in a deeply religious (predominantly LDS) area, Powell has a population of about 5500. Northwest College asked me to come up and help them establish a SafeZone program by conducting a "Train the Trainers" workshop. Though it meant a 7 hour trip one way (and resulted in my first ever speeding ticket on the way up), it was worth the trip. If a rural and conservative community like Powell can have a program that reaches out to GLBT folks, anyone can.

As devoted readers and friends may recall, I made a similar trip in Feb. 2004 to Pocatello, ID to set up a SZ program at Idaho State University. Coming in December: a trip to Scottsbluff, NB so THEY can have a SZ program too. We're also talking to Chadron, NB as they have expressed interest too. So see...there is some good gay news out there in the world. Jus thought I'd share.

PS...the Drag Show is this Saturday at 9pm at the Cowboy Bar. Get your bitch asses there! $5 each or $8 per couple...we don't care who your couple is. Me in 6 inch heels. Need I say more?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I remember

It was 7 years ago today that a group of folks went to the Village Inn after the LGBTA meeting. Later that night, Matt went to the Fireside, left with Henderson and McKinney, was robbed, beaten, and tied to a fence. I have not forgotten. I will not forget. Matt, I will continue to be a voice in the silence you left behind.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Ink vs. Art

I already had 2 tattoos. I had ink. Yesterday I got a 3rd. I went to high school with a guy who now has a nice tattoo and piercing place in Denver. He does the piercing and his partner does the ink. He's won several awards at national and international tattoo art shows/conventions. I told him basically what I wanted: "angel wings with a rainbow fill that start on my foot and wrap up and around my ankle. Add a halo to the front on my shin." From that description he grabbed a new sharpie and did a freehand mock up on my leg. 2 hours, a fair amount of pain (there's little between the bones of the ankle and the needle), and a little bit of blood later, I have this:

I am in LOVE. The only thing I could think was: the others are nothing compared to this. Such detail and artistry. I didn't just get ink; I got art.

NOTE: I know in the pictures it seems to be red and irritated. It's actually not; he used a pink Sharpie to draw on the design. This is just leftover ink, as I cannot scrub it free just yet. IT HURTS. And I'm so happy!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

No wonder I have no time

Recently I was pondering my schedule. As my local readers are well aware, I manage to stay fairly busy. In addition to a full-time job (where I'm STILL putting in 50 hours a week thanks to the start of semester) and several committees/boards/activist groups, I also do things to stay active. So...on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have volleyball (until the middle of October). Wednesdays are about to become AIDS Walk meetings again. When I have Family Planning meetings, they are on Mondays. Fridays are, of course, bowling nights. Saturdays are fairly booked up for the next month or so. So what's left? Occasional Mondays and weekends. With folks coming to Laramie to research for local productions of "The Laramie Project," the drag show, and the occasional bridge night (yes, I am old enough that some of the professors have decided it's time for me to learn bridge), I'm booked. This weekend I am heading to Denver for tattoo #3. I'm very excited, as I've been thinking about this one since I got #2 a little over 2 years ago. But it means another day where I'm not at home, slaving on the yard or house. Anyone want to mow my lawn for me before it snows? Patch up the fence? Find and plug the leak in the hot tub? I'm such a bad homeowner. Thank gawd I'm not still a student, or I'd be SCREWED!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Adventures in Hair Removal

So we are now one month away from the big drag show. Last Saturday the sisters met to film the video introduction to our show. This meant the first shave. Armed with a full can of shaving cream (obtained for free from Mary Kay because I dragged Mandy along to a party) and a 12 pack of Bic Sensitive Skin Razors, I began the adventure. Into the shower we go (please note the use of black boxes and "blur dots" to protect my privacy and your vision) where we do the usual shampoo, conditioner, facial cleanser routine. I then opened the razors with a smile, lathered up an arm, and set to work. Now, boys have this tendency to be more hairy, even on our arms. I know...shocking, isn't it? Each razor pass would clear about an inch or two before clogging up. As you might imagine, it was a long process. I finished one arm just as the hot water was running out completely. Thank goodness I started early. After drying off, I used a trimmer to knock down the rest of the hair to more managable levels. I waited a while for the hot water heater, a large one to be sure, so that I wouldn't be dealing with shaving and goose bumps. As my crack team of make-up experts (Tessa and Gina) pointed out, they are NOT a good combo. The rest of the shaving went fairly well. I was very impressed with my legs...minus the slight speed bump cuts I got on my knees...which are tough to deal with! Two showers, several hours, and 5 razors later, it was done.

So the process of shaving was interesting enough. But the sensations and introspections are even more so. First of all, it just feels ODD to not have hair someplace you normally do. Drying off with a towel, putting on clothing, or just the breeze moving past your body feels completely foreign. In some respects, it feels like a heightened awareness...you simply notice things more consistently because it feels different. In other respects, you lose sensation. Hair is connected to nerves and skin, and is part of a complicated system of our body. We become accustomed to feeling the air movements on our hair.

And so I started to think...it took me hours to get ready. Now granted, most women aren't starting from the level of hair I possess, but it's no wonder it takes so long for them to get ready! This is so much fricking work! Shave, moisturize (VERY important), dress. Then it's time for make-up! That took quite a while, though to be fair I was learning and could go much faster now that I know vaguely what I'm doing. And I kept thinking what if I get pulled over wearing this make-up? What if I get a flat and have to change a tire? What will the guys at work think next week if they notice I'm now hairless on my arms and legs?

The sheer volume of expectations, insecurities, and taboos about femininity and masculinity is overwhelming. Girls must shave themselves all over, men must not. Make-up on a means X, but Y on a female. So take a moment today and think about how we put so much emphasis and meaning on something as mundane as hair. I think you'll be surprised, and knowing most of my friends...a little outraged at the gender rules bullshit.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

It's official

I'm going to be an auntie! Sue and Mark are expecting. The due date is May 18th. Here's the proof:

This means that I will not be going to Holland for the holidays. I will instead be saving to get there in the summer, so I can begin corrupting my niece or nephew. And yes...I've already threatened to buy a drum set. HeeHee!

UPDATE: This is apparently the 4th test she's taken. It's the one from the doctor's office, after doing 3 at home. ;) The baby shall be named Elizabeth Ashley (Ella for short) if a girl, and Alexander Damian if a boy. But don't tell the Dutch...tradition there says you don't tell the names before the baby's born. Who knew?!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Dinner with the Prez

So tonight I went to a reception at the house of our interim University President, Tom Buchanan. First let me say that I always respected Phil Dubois and felt he truly had UW's best interests at heart. UW is in a MUCH better place now that it was when he arrived, and he deserves a lot of the credit for that. I didn't agree with every decision or intitiative, but the results are impressive when one takes a step back. I also attended a number of social events and receptions at Phil's house, and always enjoyed myself there.

Tonight, however, was different. Catering staff and the ever-popular open bar were there. So were about a dozen members of PACMWA, the President's Advisory Council on Minority and Women's Affairs...and a few spouses or partners. Tom and his wife Jacque do not live in a palacial estate. They have a simple yet elegant home on the south side of Laramie's tree area. The menu seemed VERY elite, especially for a vary small group of people and an invitation that called for "casual dress." Prawns, quesadillas, crudites, chocolade creme dessert cups and tartlettes. There was also an Ahi tuna parfait, with diced bell peppers, eggs, and topped with a small scoop of cavier. Nice spread, eh?

And yet, it was the oddest thing...it was the LEAST pretentious event I've been to in ages. Tom answered the door in blue jeans. We were impressed by the two beautiful carousel horses in the living room. We were AMAZED when Jacque told us that Tom MADE them...carved from solid wood. He was gracious, genuine, and...above all...human. We moved outside to the backyard for conversation. Francisco talked a bit about his sabbatical in Chile. We teased Beth about the fact she's just starting a semester long sabbatical. We rejoiced in the fact that Arietta is back from two rounds chemo, and laughed when she informed us her hair has grown back enough that she woke up with bed head the other day. We talked about the tornado in Wright, Hurricane Katrina, and our general digust with W. It was a group of friends enjoying each other's company, even if we didn't all know each other well.

I hold out great hope for UW with Tom in charge. I sincerely hope that he throws his hat into the ring...and gets the job permanently. I leave you with the comment that gave me the most to think about tonight. Tom told us when he was asked to step in as Interim President, he had only two conditions. The first was that he would not have to move, just to have a bigger house in which to hold events. The second was that he didn't want a UW car. He told the trustees that he and Jacque each had a car, and only a two car garage. Neither of them wanted to park their cars on the street just so a UW car could sit in a garage. He also told them that the money either a car or home would cost could be better spent buying someone out of a class or paying for another part-time lecturer's salary. Apparently his time as the VP of Academic Affairs is not lost on him. What do you think? Someone with priorities worthy of a university President?

Thursday, August 25, 2005


...is the big day. Today I turn 29. Again. I wonder what 30 will feel like. Some day I'll find out. But not today.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Ups and downs

In two days I will be officially old, especially in gay terms/society. Work is blowing chunks in new ways. How have I kept from killing someone thus far? The secret is flying. No, I'm not jumping into a phone booth to don cape and tights. It's about kites. Though the wind has been a bit lax of late and has prevented me from getting aloft often or for long, I have had some great experiences. Yesterday Linus and I had a great deal of time aloft. I managed to fly both of my kites, thanks to an upswing in the wind speed later in the evening. I also managed to break one of my kites, though not irreparably so. A new leading edge stick, some repair tape on the fabric, and all should be well again for the Fanatic. Despite the damaged baby, flying was great last night, though the winds were STRANGE: choppy, gusty, shifty. I find that flying relaxes me...makes me focus on something other than work, the fact that I STILL haven't mowed the lawn, or that I'm about to be stomped on at the beginning of semester. It gives me a sense of near athletic abilty. I can be graceful with a kite. It's something tangible. Something I can control. Today's lesson: find something that relaxes or enthralls you. Spend time with it. Escaping isn't good ALL the time, but it's a healthy to do so once in a while. Inside, outside...doesn't matter. Just pull back away for the briefest of moments. You'll find it helps you cope with the stress in the long run.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

A happy thought

Today the Executive Board of Spectrum received an email. I wanted to share it with you, as I know I really needed a happy thought for the day. I give it to you as written, spelling errors and all:

i have seen the HBO special about matt and it has changed my opinion on many things. I myself once gave the gays at school a hard time, i have now tried to make it up to them, when asked why ihave changed i said because of matt. They then asked who he was and i said they should read his story for themselves. I thank matt for showing me in his own way how i was wrong. I am currently a senior in highschool

Thursday, August 11, 2005

It's that time of year again

You know the one...where students are about to come back to school and my job becomes abnormally painful. So here is the standard and blanket disclaimer: For the next 2 months, I will likely be tired, cranky, overly emotional, and fire-breathing BITCH. I do apologize in advance if I accidentally take off your head, jump down your throat, or slight you by a disinterest in doing what you dream up. I am already putting far more than the usual 40 hour weeks, and it will only get worse as the semester gets closer. I do still love you all, and want to spend time with you. Just know that when I say no, it might be because I'm too tired, or because I know I am in far too foul a mood to be in the presence of others. I'd rather be reclusive than hang out when I am almost certain to say something I regret. That being said, there will no doubt be occasions when I NEED to drink heavily, call Hope, or otherwise be social before I find a belltower with a high powered weapon. ;) Contributions to my deliquency during these times is greatly appreciated. My friends always do their best to keep me (in)sane during this time of year, and I love you all for it. Love you more than my luggage!

Friday, August 05, 2005

Another little something I did...

Since Snakehead nudged, I managed to dash out another image. Deliberately unfinished, as I'm experimenting a bit with different styles.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

No sense at all

That's what my mom used to say about people standing out in the rain. While I see her point, sometimes it's nice to be a bit foolish. On Sunday we had a nice torrential downpour in West Laramie. Something came over me. I decided I needed to be standing in the rain...so I did. I was having a day of housework, so I was wearing a sarong. I stepped out onto the back deck and let the chilled rain wash over me. It didn't take long before my hair was wet like I had recently had a shower. The puppies stayed just inside the house, looking at me as though I was daft. Perhaps I was, but it felt very good to play in the rain. I felt a connection back to nature. And back to myself. I felt like I was releasing my inner child, who didn't have enough sense to stay in out of the rain. It's not every day we can be warm enough in the rain here in Laramie. I'm not claiming it was a nice warm rain, but it was a refreshing one at least. And so the missive for today is to do something kid-like. Roll down a hill, point out the shapes of clouds for hours, eat your dessert first, go rollerskating...do something just for the fun of it! You'll be surprised how good it can feel, even if the rain could be a bit warmer at 7200 feet.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Go Southwest Pink Sub

Once upon a time there was a beautiful pink princess. She was a most special girl, and touched the lives of everyone she met. She always had a smile for those around her, and lived within her heart. She shared her love for others easily. Her life had not always been happy, and she had endured much...as so many others have as well. She did not let this stop her, however, and each day she continued to be herself. She became more and more comfortable with herself, and one day was ready to undertake a most important quest. She would have to rely on herself, though she knew her many friends would always be with her. Though she was uncertain and even a little bit frightened, she set out on her journey. Placing one foot in front of the other, she began. Her journey was to be a wonderful adventure, but it is a tale that must be told over time. A good story always takes time.

Good luck my beautiful girl. My Grace. We love you and are with you. Always.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

We ALL have pain...

Most of us carry a deep-seated, private pain around inside. There is something that is so close and personal that we dare not share it with others. Occasionally, we meet that rare someone who is so special...so much a part of us, that we can share that deepest pain with them freely. With them, we can rip open our souls and lay them bare before another. This is love in its purest form. It is not always found coupled with romantic love, as the two are somewhat mutually exclusive.

We need not fear this pain, as it is a part of us. Without darkness, we cannot truly appreciate the light. We can learn to drawn hope and strength from the presence of the pain. For we know that there is at least one person out there with whom we can share it... finally be purely ourselves. If we remember that fact, and focus on it when the pain seems too much, we are reminded to continue searching. To find those special few...for there may always be one more. The search is its own reward. It is an adventure. And along the path, we may find something...or someone...priceless along the way.

And so, for the first lesson in a long time, I offer this: Be glad that you have pain. For it causes growth, and strength, and hope. Don't seek out pain, as enough will come to you naturally. It is the way of the Universe. Take your pain and use it to keep searching for a person with whom to release it. Then begin again.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Let's get published, shall we?

I am feeling an overwhelming urge to blog today, though I freely admit I have no clue what to put down in words. AH! Perhaps my good news, though nothing is in concrete yet. I've been asked by a professor in the African American Studies department to write a chapter for his new diversity textbook. It's titled "In Your Face Etiquette 101: How to Avoid Enraging Underrepresented Groups" and is going to be written in a personal, conversational tone. Since I've spoken to his Intro class a few times, he thought of me when it came time to write a Big Gay Chapter. I'm really excited about the opportunity! I'm playing tag with the professor in question, as he's bouncing between Laramie and Arizona while he cares for his mother. As soon as I can touch base with him though, I'm going to sign on!

I also spoke with Romaine recently. Her new book is finished, and will be released in October. She tells me there is a chapter simply titled "Jim." Here's hoping she writes good things about me... ;)

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Today just pisses me off

Well, you know you must be doing something right when you piss off the Vatican.

And Bush is seeking advice from an old friend of the GLBT community (sorry if the sarcasm stains...try club soda to get that out) on the Supreme Court vacancies

A friend of mine is going through hell with family now. Though I don't think he reads the blog, I'm sending out happy vibes for him. He needs them. Love you S.

Nerdygirl has been put through the ringer, with a job falling through and a stolen wallet. Thankfully, the finances should be coped with and she has a new job. Wootwoot!

I learned last night that my newly-found, happy and secure Hope supplier has decided to retire. Thankfully, I shouldn't be dry for a month or so. Time to get greedy and ration-y. *sigh*

W is still in office. What more reason do you need?

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Post 126 - Another piece of art (?)

You may have noticed the nifty thumbnail sized pictures here on my blog. One of them is an AP photo taken from when I was an angel at the trials of Matthew Shepard's murderers. Well, I went back to my digital art program and worked up this little gem. It's intentionally rougher than some of the others. I didn't want any one face to overpower...and faces are TOUGH without much more precise editing programs. Since this is just a time-killing hobby, I don't plan to get beefier software. So I hope you enjoy a digital oil rendering of "Angel Action," circa 1999.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

I have a fan!

Apparently Snakehead commands more artwork. So here's another little bit I did. It's from San Diego, and is the oldest school in the California. While it's not another hot guy, I am rather proud of it. I had to do a lot of detail work to finish it, so I hope you enjoy!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Go West Young Nerd

We salute our Locutus of Blog, Abra, as she joins the ranks of the graduated and begins her life in Seattle. We send her off with open hearts and our warmest of wishes. Take luck and enjoy your adventures, NerdyGirl, but remember we are only a blog post away.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Pride Recap

As some of you are aware, as Empress of Gayness for Wyoming I felt it my duty to represent Laramie properly at Pride last weekend. Here's a quick recap of the weekend.


  • Heard from Scott: he couldn't go along, as work wouldn't let him off. Decided to go alone after all, as I needed to get the hell out of town before I killed someone.
  • Drop puppies off at the vet's for shots and boarding at 10am Leave town by 10:30am
  • Get stuck in construction/accident traffic south of Cheyenne. Don't care, as the mood is already lightened and the gay dance music is blasting. Roll down windows and open sunroof to work on tan and enjoy fresh air while parked for 30 minutes on I-25
  • Some new clothes, which were needed anyway, on the way south
  • Arrival at Jerry's condo at 2pm- cute place. Made myself a cosmo while waiting for the "girls" to show up.
  • Jerry and Chuck showed up, and we went out to the pool with their neighbors Mary and Megan. Drinking commenced poolside at about 2:30pm - frozen cosmos! We finished off a new bucket easily.
  • Ed and Shawn arrived about 4pm
  • 5pm: Change of clothes, and off to dinner - a faboo Mexican restaurant. Margaritas may have been involved.
  • Off to BJ's Carousel, a bar that was featuring some scary drag. Long Beach Iced Tea's were involved. After 30 minutes of scary drag, we left.
  • On to the Wrangler - Free drinks from 10-11pm if you took off your shirt. I happily paid for my drinks.
  • Needless to say, I was blissfully intoxicated by this point. Something may have happened on the patio, but none of the bitches who are aware will say shit, right? Remember...you like my house and my bar. And you fear me.
  • Quick Batman....to Charlie's! There we met up with more of the Laramie crew. More Long Beaches. And Jemai, a gorgeous black man who flirted shamelessly with most of us. And unexepectedly bit my nipple - hard. OUCH. I don't like pain. It hurts me. I did, however, like Jemai. ;)
  • The bar closed at about 2am, and Travis drove me back "home." 12 hours of drinking. Woohoo!


  • Wake up way too early. 3-4 hours of sleep is NOT enough, even at the tender age of 29.
  • Drive my sleepy self near the park to watch the parade with Jerry and Chuck. We had viewing stands. And mimosas.
  • Walk behind the parade and meet up with most everyone at some point.
  • Damn it's hot. Walk around looking at booths and all the men running around in next to nothing. Tasty!
  • Wander over for lunch at Subway on the 16th street mall and a nice cold (and coffee-laden) Charbucks Frapaccino.
  • A bit more wandering, then the loooooong walk back to the car. Exhaustion + heat = sleepy. Drive self back to condo.
  • Meet back up with Mary, Chuck, Jerry, and Shawn for more pool fun. No cocktails. Yet.
  • It starts to rain late in the afternoon, so we went inside and watched a movie. Well, I watched one while everyone else drifted in and out of naps.
  • Everyone leaves. Shawn and I decide we're going out again, so it's off to dinner at the Hard Rock. Drinks called a "Purple Haze" were involved. Yummy stuff!
  • To Charlie's, to meet up with Robert and Joey from Gillette. Travis and everyone else from Laramie wussed out on us.
  • Meet up with a blast from Laramie. He was creepy up here, and was creepy while drunk in Denver. He also played with my nipples. What is it about Charlie's?
  • Meet fun people from Casper. Head to Tracks. Discover (after we're inside and had paid the cover) that it was "Chocolate Sunday." In other words, we were some of the few white people there.
  • Meet up with other folks from Laramie. Dance our asses off. Marathon style. Went up on the stage, even. I got complimented twice for my dancing. I was surprised, but quite pleased. Much dirty dancing went on. As did a fair amount of drinking.
  • Closed the bar. Gabbed in the parking lot with our new friends from the club for a while.
  • Shawn and I drove back to the condo, where we crashed out hardcore.


  • Wake up about 8:30am. Had more sleep, but still not a lot.
  • Meet Travis and Jason at the drag store at 10am.
  • Spend 2 hours and $200 on shoes, a wig, a corset, stockings, and a hat. Had a blast.
  • Drive back to Laramie.
  • Pick up puppies from the vet. $180, most of which was shots and vet checkup, not the boarding.
  • Drop off puppies and luggage at home. Drive to Family Planning. Put on shoes to show of the new goodies. Fall down. Dammit.
  • Go back home, cook dinner, watch a little TV. Catch up on the 200 emails I didn't check over the weekend. Go to bed. PASS OUT.

Friday, June 24, 2005

By request

Here you go Snakehead. A picture of California, even! This is a rendering of the view from the back deck of the condo in Laguna Niguel, where we stayed on vacation last summer. One from San Diego might be next.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Consciousness Purge

Some times you just feel lost, even when you're found. That's been the case for me lately. I go to work and I know I'm just going through the motions. I can't find motivation to move onto the next project. I go home, and nothing is different. I feel lonely, even when I'm not alone. That age is approaching. We joke about it, but have I accomplished what I should have by now? Am I where I should be? Am I where I want to be? I'm still single. My longest relationship is still only a month and half. Not for a lack of trying. Those I'm interested in aren't single. Not that I'm in their league anyway. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. Or at least I wanted to go back to bed when I was awake. I can't force myself to do yardwork to save my soul. I know I'd like to see it done, but I can't find the motivation to do it. I don't feel mired down in depression or pity. I just feel...anxious. Like I'm in a zone of surrealism. Absurdity. Pointlessness. Confusion, perhaps? I want a vacation. But can't afford one. Time is passing slowly today; it's going to be a long day, no doubt. It's official. An acute case of the blahs.

Monday, June 20, 2005


Yesterday the lawn care commandos mobilized at Ruby Slippers and beat the yard into a better condition. Mark and Linus attacked the trees with fervor, and they look much better now! Two truckloads of limbs to the city brush pile later, even. Abra and Tessa pulled weeds, re-caulked the bathtub, and played with round-up. I raked for 2 hours, pulled weeds, and hauled branches to the brush pile. Though she was late due to family obligations, Mandy showed up and helped tidy up the aftermath. All in all, it was a good day, and a fair chunk of necessary yard work was accomplished. There is still plenty to be done, but I wanted to say thanks (publicly) to my fabulous friends for helping out. And I also wanted to share a faboo picture I got today. I think it will make the flock smile. It's a photo of our old "friend" Fred Phelps. Enjoy!

Monday, June 13, 2005

The Interview Game

Here are The Official Interview Game Rules:
  1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
  2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
  3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
  4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
  5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Questions Linus asked me:

1) Turbo and Reese suddenly develop the ability to talk. What secrets are you most worried that they will tell someone?
Hmm...I think I'd be more worried they'd start describing those things they've seen that people already suspect. What happens when the lights go out, things like that.

2) If you had to pick only one for the rest of your life, would it be Margarita or Mojito?
Mojitos. They seem to be much more gay, and are sweeter. Besides, NerdyGirl would prefer my southern accent being triggered rather than the invocation of Lupe.

3) It starts raining men. How do you collect as many as possible?
Well, the ones in the back yard should be pretty much contained. Open the windows to the hot tub gazebo and let a few angle into the bubbly water. And corral the ones that run off the roof and down the front drain. Bottom line: keep 'em in the house...where ya want 'em most!

4) You awake to find that the domain merge has only been a dream - it is actually scheduled to begin tomorrow. What do you do?
Call in sick and begin drinking heavily. Then go back to bed.

5) You are asked to join the team on Queer Eye - what is your area of expertise? Social awareness? Sense of humor? Lechery?

Sunday, June 12, 2005

What's gayer than...

A canine birthday party...for a pug? Well, it's even gayer when you add 4 dachshunds, of course! And cocktails. And several new (and VERY gay) doggie outfits. My gift was a black doggie tee with rhinestones that formed a dogbone around the words "Bling Bling." Tres gay, and tres Bailey. OK, tres Josh and Randy, who are two queens extraordinaire.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Now be honest...

So as I was bopping around on the net today, I decided I would do a google search for "gayest thing ever." The first result prompted an interesting question, which will hopefully prove to be an interesting post. Please leave your comments responding to the question "What is the gayest thing you've ever done?" Now relax...it doesn't have to be something sexual. Just something that fits the stereotypes. Ready.....GO!

Thursday, May 19, 2005


And then a friend sent me this:


Have speakers on. It gives new meaning to "desktop cleanup." Yes...it is safe for work.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Is it Friday yet?

Nothing overly exciting, witty, or insightful today, just felt the non-posty flavor of guilt setting in, so...

I did, however, get a new toy at work. I got one of these:

Using it, and a nifty program from Microsoft, I made a digital oil painting. I think half the viewing audience at home will appreciate the subject, and you all better appreciate the artistry used to create it. Perhaps I'll show you some of my other creations later.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Do you hear that ticking?

The week of AIDS Walk went by, and it was a smashing success. We had a lot of people show up for everything. We did a lot of free HIV testing, which is a very good thing. The drag queens were hysterical as usual, and the after-party was fun too (though Zeus did not really enjoy the next morning, I hear).

My heart was touched so many times, by people giving freely of their time and their hearts. By people willing to tell their stories, even when they are difficult to repeat or remind us of dark times. And I met some incredible people, including Heidi and Isaac. They made my heart flow over.

And perhaps more importantly, they made me realize something. When I was younger, I knew it was something I wanted a great deal. Then for a long time I thought that I had changed my mind. Now I am sure: I want to be a father. Now to find a husband who is like-minded before we're too old to do it...

I also had one of the best experiences of my life, though Scott and Zeus are gonna get it! At Bingo, I was recognized for all the crap I do, and the difference I have apparently made in the lives of others. A standing O...from my friends and those in the community. Nothing could have meant more to me.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Let your heart sing

This afternoon the Denver Gay Men's Chorus kicked off AIDS Walk Week with a free concert at St. Matthew's Episcopal church. Over 50 people were in attendance, and at least half of them were straight members of the congregation at St. Matt's. For those who didn't attend, you have missed a truly beautiful event.

This was the first time the choir has performed in Wyoming, first in Cheyenne last night and then today here in town. It was a phenomenal performance, and the music was outstanding. There was also a talk-back session after the show, and the opening of hearts and minds was so moving.

Today my message is an extension of something echoed throughout the day: be yourself. Find the song inside and let it out, whether it's an actual song or not.

Oh...and get your bitch asses to the rest of AIDS Walk events this week. www.wyoaidswalk.org

Monday, April 11, 2005

Sometimes it's good to go home

I am spending today in the junior high here in town. I'm doing a dramatic interp of Romeo's soliloquy at the grave for 9th graders. My former mentor teacher tracked me down and asked me to come do the presentations, as she remembered my flair for the dramatic. (I know...shocking, isn't it?) I must say, I'm having a blast. I'm also having flashbacks...vocab reviews, grammer pre-tests...I'm remembering not only performing these tasks as a student, but also as a teacher! While some things have changed, some have also stayed the same. The 9th graders seemed somewhat awed that I have memorized "a whole speech" in about a week, and terrified that they must do the same in 2 weeks. Heh. Faculty and staff here at LJHS have recognized me too, and have been excited to see me in the halls again. It's nice to feel welcome...and remembered...and appreciated. :) 8th hour today (wow...did I just say that?) Princess Pink will be sitting in on my presentation, so she can play speech geek and point out all my flubs and foibles. Damn. The 9th graders don't see the little errors in polish and poise, but she will. And when she points them out to me, I shall lay down the proverbial smack upon her ass. And not in that way she likes it. ;)

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Fun thoughts

Check out www.northernsun.com. I think the usual readers will want to whip out the wallet, and purchase some of their wares. Some thoughts from posters, t-shirts, or buttons:
  • God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
  • Religion is for people afraid of going to hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there.
  • Assist airport security: FLY NAKED!
  • If the definition of beautiful gets any thinner, no one will fit.
  • I love my country, but I think we should start seeing other people.
  • Humans aren't the only species on Earth, we just act like it.
  • Nuke a godless communist gay baby seal for Christ.
  • What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?
  • Who would Jesus bomb?
  • Join the Army. Travel to exotic, distant lands, meet exciting, unusual people and kill them.
  • Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.
  • I think, therefore I am dangerous.

More shall be posted later. There are also great ones that require visuals. Seriously. Go. NOW, BITCHES!

Monday, March 28, 2005

In all things, balance

So in the midst of a very difficult week, the Universe decided to provide the balance that is essential, and ever-present (even if we don't care to notice it). Some wonderful friends came into my life from San Diego. Five of them, to be exact. And this is a happy thing. Certainly not a replacement for those already in my life, but something new to add to the tapestry. And can one ever have TOO MANY friends? Today's lesson: even in the midst of the pain, the Universe will provide balance, we just have to pay attention to it.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Bump, Set, Spike

It has already been a VERY long week for The Grand High Poobah of Gayness, for reasons I'm not yet at liberty to discuss. And so it is with great pleasure I announce that my volleyball league is again starting up for the Spring. Tuesday and Thursday nights I will be doing a poor imitation of Sporty Gay Spice at the Rec Center. Fans and cheerleaders are always welcome, contact me for a definite schedule (which we hope to have tonight). While I mourn the loss of Thursday night TV (though there will no doubt be some weeks where our team doesn't have a Thursday night game), I am very glad for the return to additional activity, and one of the few sports where I have some skill or talent. A happy thing is much needed, too. So if I'm tired or irritable for a bit, please bear with me. While I can't explain now (and appreciate you not asking), please know it's nothing personal.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

It's made from what?!

Paper! That's right. Today I purchased a real book. Made from paper even. Contrary to popular belief, they are still produced, and not just in the textbook variety. For example, today I purchased "The Chronicles of Narnia." Somehow, I never managed to actually read it when I was younger. And since there is a major motion picture in the works based on said tome, I thought it important to read it before I see a film version. And I realized, it's been a while since I was so excited over a book. The latest Harry Potter book, I'm certain. And so my advice to everyone is to go out and buy a new book. Or borrow one from a friend. Or visit the library. Find something that isn't for class, a research paper, or work. Find something fun, and READ. Now I must continue this trend, and go reserve a copy of the new Harry Potter, due out this summer. Exercise your brains folks!

Friday, March 11, 2005

This, Mr. Falwell, is why

I received a phone call yesterday. A friend needed advice, as one of his employees had come out to him. And was suicidal. Very suicidal. He had changed his bank account to his parents names, showing planning and forethought. He asked my friend "Please don't ever tell my parents, no matter what." Needless to say, my friend - who is remarkably open and well-trained on GLBT issues - was a bit shaken. He was making the requisite referrals and phone calls to the Counseling Center, but wanted to know more about specific issues with GLBT individuals and suicide. So we went over coming out, the suicide info I have wedged in my brain, and specific strategies for coping and triggers to watch out for. I had forgotten how draining a 30 minute phone call could be.

When I hung up, I stepped out of crisis intervention mode...and the tidal wave of emotions hit me. I was defeated, as this was someone who had been through a panel discussion in the past. I worried about what I could have said differently...what more I could have done to let this kid know he's okay. I felt hope, because in some ways, the system worked. My friend knew the signs to watch out for, knew how to talk to the kid, and knew where to turn for more help. I felt proud, because my friend felt he could call me and trust me to have something helpful for him. But mostly, I was pained, as I know what it's like to hate yourself so much you want nothing more than for your life to end. And I never want anyone to experience that again. And that's where the anger began.

Anger at a society and culture that allows messages about the low self-worth of GLBT people to go unchallenged. Anger at religious leaders who either remain silent, or rail against the sinful evilness of human beings with beautiful souls. Souls with only one "crime" on their record: loving someone a dogma says is the "wrong" person. So this person, Mr. Falwell, is why I believe you are dangerous. This young person, ready to end his own life, is why I stand up against you so vehemently, Mr. Phelps. This struggling soul is why I speak out, speak up, and will continue to do so until death silences me, Mr. Bush. Your intolerance and ignorance is killing him, and thousands like him. STOP YOUR LETHAL CAMPAIGN OF HATRED AND DENEGRATION. As the tears form in my eyes, my fists also clench in rage.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

(semi) irrational fear

It was years ago. I should be over this. But it's dark. There was a moon...almost full. I can see it, but there's no light down here on the back streets of the place I call home. There doesn't seem to be anyone moving tonight. Except, there's this feeling. That I'm being watched. As I walk to my car, I look over my shoulder. Continually. I must just be paranoid, right? A dark night, lonely streets, a chill in the air...it's the stuff of fiction. And thrillers. And you know what happens in thrillers. Just how far away is that damned car? It happened to him. What if I'm next? Or one of my friends? And then I hear it...there IS something there. I know it. Look now...dammit, I'm hearing things again. My brain is working overtime. I really AM getting paranoi... There is a moment of paralyzation. I can turn around, but my feet won't move and my arms are dead weight. My heart has stopped, I'm certain. My brain recognizes the shape...matches it with a picture in my brain. Sign, signifier, signified. My consciousness receives the message so slowly: not a threat. Just a person on a bike. Not headed for me. Not stalking me. My lungs start working just a beat after my heart. I'm still tense, but that probably the adrenaline, right? Take stock...I'm okay. Start walking again. Who knew a few blocks could be so far? But...I feel ashamed. Why am I still so damned nervous? It doesn't happen all the time. But once in a while... All this because I couldn't get the car in time to drive to an AIDS Walk Meeting.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Post 101: Gay Hope

Sometimes in SafeZone I give a group homework: delete the most important person in your life for one week. Put them in a closet, and you might get a taste of what it's like for GLBT people on a daily basis. A recent participant wrote me recently, and had this to say:

I am writing to tell you that I tried your suggestion, to not speak in gender specific terms for one week. I chose my husband to cut out of my life, and starting (and ending) the following day, I spoke of him as "my partner," "my roommate," "my friend," etc. I was quite unsuccessful, and outed myself at least five times in as many hours. I stopped to visit [him] at his office that afternoon, and when I was leaving, I shook his hand, and he said, "Don't I even get a hug?" He had forgotten about my experiment. I answered quietly, "No, we're in public. I'll hug you when you get home." He laughed and said okay, but it bothered me. It bothered me all the rest of the afternoon, through dinner, through class, and on my drive home. I was afraid I had hurt him. and that hurt me. I was even thinking things like "What if he has an accident, and I DIDN'T HUG HIM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE?!" I thought, would it have hurt to just give him a quick hug? That's when it hit on me, that's when I *truly got it.* I understood the idea behind it, I sympathize, I fight for GLBT rights, but now I KNOW. actually feeling it, even for just a little while was way different. Even though I knew it was just an experiment, not for my whole life, I *still* felt awful. I spoke with my friend back in Chicago about it, and she said she also feels resentment when she can't acknowledge her partner at work. Very interesting experiment, and it works!

Monday, February 14, 2005

Post 100! - Black Monday Recap

I normally celebrate Villain-tine's Day, as a protest of happy couples in the face of my singleness. Today I did something different: I delivered for Killian's Florist instead. Since the numbered lists have been in vogue of late on the Blogsphere, I thought I'd join in the merry-making.

10.5 - number of hours I was a gay florist
59 - number of stops I made today
65 - number of orders I delivered
4 - number of runs I made
2 - number of times I got lost and had to call for directions
8 - number of orders I couldn't get delivered, because people weren't home
136 - total number of orders we delivered today
0 - number of minutes I spent depressed because I'm single (too damned busy!)
2 - number of gin and tonics I had while swapping war stories after the chaos ended

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Shallow fucking graves

As many of you have already heard, there is a certain professor with whom I am...annoyed. Okay, outright fucking pissed is a bit closer. Fuming mad. I even used the term "You fucking cunt" in my office with the door open, so those of you who know me will understand just how livid I am. I have spent the last two days making myself sick with the stress of dealing with her. I have decided to be more creative and that I should express my frustration in more cathartic ways. So I give you a short list of the gruesome tortures I have designed for her in my brain. To the pain, and FUCKING EXCOMMUNICATED INDEED!

  • Hundreds of tiny paper cuts, lemon juice, tobasco, and cayenne pepper
  • Drawn and quartered by 4X4 pickup trucks and barbed wire
  • Fire ants and sugar syrup
  • Dinner with George W. Bush (I know it seems cruel and unusual, but she has asked for it)
  • A super high voltage butt plug (though this would require removing the stick from her ass first)
  • Spraying her coat with bobcat lure and sending her hiking
  • A small, smoky room and a hive of hornets
  • A leisurely swim in a mountain lake. Above tree line. In January.
  • An international flight in a small airplane with a Urugauyan rugby team
  • A free box of Krusty Brand Cereal, with a free jagged metal Krusty-O in every box!
  • Injection of a tiny air bubble in the vein of her choice
  • Relaxing river trip in Georgia, CD of free banjo music included!
  • A no-expenses paid trip to sunny Lebanon!
  • A brown recluse spider in the bowl she uses to get that oh-so-stylish haircut!
  • A mambo. Oops...I meant black mamba! Silly me.

See, I feel better now. Don't you? What lesson have we learned, class? Don't fuck with a pissed off queen!

Monday, February 07, 2005


...for the Legislature is not lost! I received an email today telling me that HB0184 (The Defense of Marriage Act) was dead in committee. Not one to believe rumors on important issues, I went to the Wyoming Legislature homepage, with which I am becoming quite familiar. The current digest listing reads "No report before CoW (Committee of the Whole) cutoff." I spent about an hour tonight reading through the website, scouring state statutes, and trying to decipher this little phrase. I don't have a definitive answer, but it sounds like the rumors are true, and marriage is still safe from those purporting to "defend" it. Tomorrow I'll be calling the Legislative Hotline to confirm. Cross your fingers and put the champagne on ice...I have.

Friday, January 28, 2005

The Wyoming Legislature at Work

Fun or otherwise interesting bills that have been proposed already in the Wyoming legislature:

SF 0016 - Would provide $9.5M for a multi-level parking garage at UW
SF 0126 - Would limit semi's to 65 on interstates

HB 0004 - Would make the Jackalope Wyoming's official mythical creature
HB 0008 - Would significantly increase (almost double across the board) the minimum auto insurance amounts in Wyoming
HB 0082 - Would allow for electronic sales of hunting and fishing licenses, stamps, etc.
HB 0163 - Would establish a state lottery
HB 0170 - Would prevent lawsuits against folks like McDonald's if you gain weight and/or die
HB 0184 - Defense of Marriage act. (GRRR!)
HB 0192 - Would prohibit harassment, intimidation, or bullying in Wyoming schools (Woohoo!)
HB 0261 - Would establish common law, but only for one man and one woman
HB 0276 - Would severely limit abortion services in Wyoming
HB 0298 - Would permit most Wyoming citizens to wear a concealed weapon without a permit

What others are you interested in? http://legisweb.state.wy.us/2005/billsInfo.htm

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Personal Responsibility

I know I will be showing my age with this post, but I'm pissed and am willing to be old for the sake of venting. My mother taught me about owning up to my mistakes, and taking the blame when I fuck up. Apparently, this is a concept that is lost on today's society.

You see, someone hit my car today. Yes, my beautiful Georgina has been injured! Hit and run is the technical term. They took out the driver's side mirror. At high speed, as evidenced by the 40 or 50 foot stream of mirror guts left on the side of Grand Ave. She was parked as close to the curb as possible, since I actually drove up on the curb at one point when parking.

No note, no phone call, no clue who did it. The replacement part (mandated by state law - you MUST have a mirror) is over $400 by itself...before labor fees. Just what I need now.

On the up side, I got random flowers from a friend today. No reason, no purpose...just something to make me smile. Couldn't have come at a better time. And so I show my age when I say "I remember the good ol' days, when people fessed up to their mistakes, and were honest when they hit someone's car." Time for cocktails, I think.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

We still have a dream

First, props to Mandy, as her birthday is tomorrow too. However, tomorrow we celebrate the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. Synonymous with the civil rights movement, he stood for equality for all, including yours truly. In fact, one of his right hand men was queer. Read up on Bayard Rustin if you didn't know that. His widow has repeatedly spoken out about the need for GLBT equality too. Make no mistake about it, Coretta Scott King is still fighting hard to ensure everyone is treated as a whole person.

Today there are many of us who continue the fight for equality. There are many of us who recognize that all struggles for equality are connected, and that even though I appear to be white, or male, or non-Christian, I am still affected by racism, sexism, or religious discrimination.

Dr. King, your dream is still alive. Thank you for the courage it took to envision it. To articulate it. And to peacfully start enacting it. May we all continue where you and countless others have left off, all too soon.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Can I sleep soon?

It is Thursday night. I have already put in 44 hours of work this week. Only 6 hours of that was from home. I will put in 9 hours in the office tomorrow. And who knows how many from home. This is why I hate the beginning of a semester. I can only hope I have not taken out my exhaustion and frustration on my friends.

But tomorrow there is bowling. And a 3 day weekend, over which there shall be my drinking and sluggery.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

You know you missed me

So as promised, I'm eeking out a few minutes to post today, though it has been a shamefully long time since I have done so. Hey...I've been busy. Which brings us to today's topic: where in the fuck was the vacation that's supposed to come with a break? Between weddings, candle parties, New Year's parties, moving pottery shops, and hosting the international fam-damn-ily, I'm not sure which end is up anymore. I cleaned. I decorated. I took pictures. I ran errands. I DJ'd. I un-decorated, though just a bit compared to others. I bought garters, for fuck's sake! ME! Captain "I like penises and girls have cooties" bought garters. For a girl! Well, a bride, so that makes it all better.

The leftovers are FINALLY starting to dwindle. I'm sick of cheese cubes and tortilla soup. Tonight I'm cooking steak and curling up with the season premiere of Alias. Oh...and cheese cubes. And tortilla soup. Kill me now! I'm quite certain that I was supposed to have some down time over break, but that didn't seem to happen. If I wasn't so damned busy at work right now, I would consider taking some vacation time to recover from the holidays. The good news: 1) The wedding and reception were amazing, and I don't regret the effort, time, or labor that went into them. Mark and Tessa are worth it. (It also helps that they knew how much was done, and were honestly appreciative.) 2) The pictures should be ready today or tomorrow. 3) I didn't actually have to kill the kids, no matter how much I wanted to at times. 4) The house has almost recovered from 2 weeks of prep work, parties, and people plopped on pillows in the living room. 5) It's over. 6) I can sleep when I'm dead?

I love you all, and wish you the best in the new year. Here we go, kiddies!