Thursday, June 23, 2005
Some times you just feel lost, even when you're found. That's been the case for me lately. I go to work and I know I'm just going through the motions. I can't find motivation to move onto the next project. I go home, and nothing is different. I feel lonely, even when I'm not alone. That age is approaching. We joke about it, but have I accomplished what I should have by now? Am I where I should be? Am I where I want to be? I'm still single. My longest relationship is still only a month and half. Not for a lack of trying. Those I'm interested in aren't single. Not that I'm in their league anyway. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. Or at least I wanted to go back to bed when I was awake. I can't force myself to do yardwork to save my soul. I know I'd like to see it done, but I can't find the motivation to do it. I don't feel mired down in depression or pity. I just feel...anxious. Like I'm in a zone of surrealism. Absurdity. Pointlessness. Confusion, perhaps? I want a vacation. But can't afford one. Time is passing slowly today; it's going to be a long day, no doubt. It's official. An acute case of the blahs.