Town Without Pity

"Town Without Pity" is an old song by Gene Pitney. It talks about small towns and the gossiping that goes on. I thought when I moved from Wright to Laramie that I was leaving behind the vicious grapevine for more enlightened pastures. Or at least a place where people had the common sense and intelligence to research for passing on wild speculation. Sadly, this is not the case.

Last Friday night I learned what rumors have been traveling around town regarding Scotty's stay in the hospital. Some of the rumors simply said that a gay guy was in the hospital. Some were more detailed, and included claims of drug overdose or complications related to HIV/AIDS. Some specifically said he's positive or took some "bad stuff." Neither of these are correct, of course, but why would something so trivial as the truth matter?

Needless to say, I was PISSED. I was pissed because the assumption was that because someone's gay, they must be on drugs or sick with AIDS. (Or both.) I had hoped we were beyond that era, especially within the freaking GLBTQ community itself, where the worst rumors were floating. I was pissed because I wondered how such a nasty story could get started. I was pissed because I could think of a few people in town who would do it just to be mean, because Scotty made the "horrific" choice of becoming my friend and becoming more involved. A "rainbow fag," as we're labeled. A dirty "activist." I was most pissed because someone I care about was being slandered after spending 8 of the most difficult, painful, and vulnerable days of his life. Shouldn't the focus be on "someone's in the hospital, I hope he's okay," not "what did he do to 'deserve' being there?" So I told Scotty and his boyfriend C about it, figuring that it was best if they heard it from me and not someone being petty or nosy.

And the teacher became the student. Scotty and C laughed. "Who cares what they're saying? They're just jealous like always." I REALLY wanted to be the protective mama grizzly bear. I wanted to find out who started the rumors, and to correct all the misinformation floating out there. When I first wrote this blog post in my head, that was a primary purpose. But it's not worth it. I could expend a lot of time and energy frothing at the mouth about this. If they were saying things about me, I wouldn't think twice about it and would laugh it off as I have the nasty things they HAVE said about me before. I'm just being over-protective of those I care about. Not a bad thing to do, mind you, but still wasteful of time and energy.

Scotty pointed out that he's just going to come back from all of this better and stronger than before. With a different perspective. A stronger determination to LIVE. A commitment to spending more time with family and friends. To not sweat the small stuff, or waste his time on things that DON'T matter. Like gossip. Rude people. We're going to spend time together improving our poi and flagging skills. Working out. Watching TV together, which is really an excuse to hang out and simple be together. Taking time to stop and smell the flowers.

A new story for SafeZone sessions

The next time anyone questions whether or not being gay is about sex or love, I want them to spend time in a hospital room with a gay couple. I've spent a fair amount of time in Scotty's room this week, sitting next to his parents, brothers, and boyfriend (whom shall be named C throughout the post). You couldn't help but see the worry, concern, and agony on C's face as he watched our beloved Puppy. Every groan, every wince, every grimace was met with a new line on C's furrowed brow. His love and compassion were SO apparent, that not even the most hardened conservative or religious zealot could mistake it for lust, passion, or the other stereotypical emotions/urges ascribed to GLBTQ folks by the narrow-minded.

The nurses commented on how amazing it was to see so many people spending so much time and energy on a patient; it was rare for them to see it. The saw firsthand the tender ways C cared for Scotty. He never batted an eyelash when asked for a drink of water, help moving a pillow to just the right spot, or a scratch on the nose when Scott couldn't lift his arms high enough to do it himself. They could sense C's pain and worry, and see it in his eyes. So much so that one of the nurses broke down and cried. She was so overwhelmed at their love and the pureness of it, she was moved to tears.

I can't say as though I blame her. I, too, watched C over the course of the week. I talked with him on the phone before he was able to leave work, jump in the car, and race to Scott's side. I held his hand when Scott was incoherent and unaware of his surroundings. And I talked with him about how he wanted nothing more than to stay with him until he's better, rather than going back to his job in Colorado.

Yes, if everyone in the world today could see someone concerned about their partner in the hospital, I'm sure that we would have gay marriage tomorrow. Not civil unions. Not domestic partnerships. Marriage. We would have equality in other realms too. Love is such a shining example of the goodness and purity of the human spirit...even if that human spirit doesn't happen to be heterosexual.

Go be an example of love today, especially if you are queer.

Some news and a laugh

For those who are unaware, Scott R. (aka Puppy) was taken to the hospital on Wednesday. He's okay now, but it was very serious. High grade fevers, extreme dehydration, and two grand mal seizures. Any moment I've not been attached to my pillow (not much) or in the office has been spent at the hospital or with his family. He'll hopefully be released in another day or two. So that's what I've been up to.

I've also had fabulous friends looking after me and making sure I'm eating, getting SOME sleep, feeding puppies, etc...just as I'm doing for others. It's been yet another reminder not to take people for granted. I've been thinking about my mom a lot, and those who are far away. It's also been a reminder that everything happens for a reason. As Scott's mom said, if I had gotten the job in Denver I wouldn't have been here to tell the doctors about his flu symptoms and behavior the last few days. I wouldn't have been on campus to contact the various offices to let them know he wouldn't be in class, or the myriad other details I've been through with my mom.

One of my jobs has been to play cheerleader. To embody the phrase "laughter is the best medicine." To keep spirits high. And so I share a funny with you. My friend Olivette sent me this link, and you must go listen to the song. It does contain profanity, so choose your speaker location carefully.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=74714025

I'll be back soon

Sorry for my absence of late, both from the blogosphere and real life. Some of you know why, the rest will know soon. (Please don't stress, everything is OKAY, and no Earth shattering changes are in the works...thank goodness.)

In the meantime, here's a little funny I'm blatantly stealing from the Rev. It's a commercial. With gay flight attendants. If we had ads like this in the US, I'd be more likely to fly the friendly skies, just because I can. ;)

http://video.google.de/videoplay?docid=-95526610840221447

I feel dirty

Thanks to my regularly scheduled programming being pre-empted by Shrub, I watched tonight's info-mercial for the war. I mean...presidential address. It's amazing how many times this administration can repeat the same talking points. Be scared. Terrorists are gonna get ya. War is good. Be scared. We're winning, but it will take a while. These are the reasons we can't pull out. Be scared. We have protected you for 5 years. We'll keep going, no matter how long it takes. Be scared. Support me. In short...war is good. Mmmmmmmkay?

Is this really how he chose to commemorate 9/11/01? He gave 30 second lip service to the innocent lives lost, the heroic efforts of police and firefighters in NYC, and the efforts of citizens to make a difference. Then spent the rest of his almost 20 minutes trying to tell us why the war is necessary and good? "We are rededicating ourselves to this important cause..." No...YOU are recommitting us to more years of a war few want, least of all the citizens of the country in which it's occurring.

Today the displays of red, white, and blue made me uncomfortable, as did the playing of the national anthem in the gym. I really do want to remember the innocent lives lost that morning. I've spent time this week remembering where I was when I heard, crying over the bravery of passengers on Flight 93, and remembering the everyday heroes who are no longer with us. But thanks to this administration's politicking, 9/11 has been cheapened into a reason, a rationalization, and justification. It's become a scare tatic. "If you don't support the president (yes, this is the second time I've not used an uppercase P, and it's intentional) or policy X, Y, and Z...you're forgetting the victims of..." Tonight's infomercial clarified my nausea over the misuse of a tragedy as a weapon and a tool.

The only thing that softens the blow is the knowledge that soon I will get to watch Jon Stewart's reaction. That always makes things better...

So tonight I remember the victims. And blatantly do NOT support the war. I support the troops. But NOT the administration that put and keeps them in harm's way. And I feel sick over tonight's informercial...I mean presidential address.

For my friends...

i carry your heart with me
e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Funny because it's true

My thanks to the Rev for sending this little gem to me in email!
*****
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn. She screamed in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."

I'm tired...

...of bad news. We're approaching the anniversary of 9/11. Not long after that will be the anniversary of Matt's murder. I spent time this summer on the Crisis Intervention Team for UW responding to the triple homocide/suicide in Laramie. Our troops are still in Iraq and Afghanistan. I fear for the future of our country at the hands of much of our government. I'm terrified of another two years of Shrub in office. I'm tired of having to struggle every step of the way for GLTBQ equality and rights. I don't want to hear another friend, relative, or acquaintance has died or is gravely ill. I'm tired of the bad!

But the reality is that we can't leave pain and suffering behind. I remind myself that the struggle growing up in the closet made me a much stronger person today, and that it has given me skills and perspective I rely on today. So here I sit, watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Cheesy? Perhaps. But in this episode, they're making over a home for a Hindu family who lost everything in a fire. They came to America for a better life, and have been quietly making do since losing all they had accomplished. Friends and strangers alike pulled together to make a difference. And it reminds me that I'm truly blessed.

I have a decent job. I have a good home. I have incredible friends. This weekend I met someone for the first time. I hope it goes somewhere, as he seems REALLY amazing. I'm working to make a difference. One step at a time. Left foot. Right foot.

Today's homework: Do something to make a difference. Remind yourself of something positive. It's not all doom and gloom.

They're baaaaack!

Students, that is. In full force. And they bring with them scheduling changes, computer problems, forgotten passwords, WyoWeb trauma, or other stress-inducing drama. Yuck. I was in my office for 11 hours yesterday. 9.5 today. Today I found myself wishing for the Denver job again, so there would be a light at the end tunnel instead of over the big mountain waaaaay over there. But I have found bright spots...usually when someone I adore makes me smile, and I realize I don't have to be separated from them JUST YET. Oh, and there's my new project.

What new project, you ask? I am going to write a book. I had an epiphany. In the shower, while getting ready to go to my birthday party. It shall be fabulous, touching, informative, and provocative. I have already had a generous offer of editing from the Rev. And an echo from Mandyfish. It will be autobiographical. And commentative. Perhaps even bits of verse. So...if you don't want your real name used...speak up! ;)

Oh yeah...and I played with Adobe Illustrator tonight. What do you think of the new blog picture?

Well, at least I know now

The good news is that I don't have to try to sell the house in a month. The bad news is that I didn't get the job. :( I'm doing okay. I have a house, a job, and a family here. There will be other opportunities down the road. I think perhaps this job was the Universe's way of getting me ready and showing me that I can make it happen, and in short order if I need to. Thanks to everyone for their support and positive thoughts. It's been a wild ride, and having you all behind me has changed me in powerful ways. I've not felt something so touching since wearing wings. I love you all.

On the edge of another birthday

I just finished watching the Daily Show. I want to marry Jon Stewart. He's nerdy hot, super smart, and funny as fuck. Scotty was here earlier. We bitched about our days, drank a glass of wine, and watched Who Wants to be a Superhero. Because it requires no thought and there's nothing else on Thursdays, that's why.

Tomorrow at 8:32am I'll be thirty-wonderful. I'm pretty okay with it, I think. Maybe I just have too much stress and chaos going on to worry about another year gone by. I don't have word on the job. I emailed her tonight. Wouldn't a job offer be a great birthday present? Students are back. Work sucks. I want to spend tomorrow having cocktails instead of changing password, changing schedules, and trying to control the fist of death. I love Dilbert.

I'm stream of consciousness-y tonight, not profound. I should have some words of wisdom on the edge of another birthday. About aging. About changing. Growing. Living. Dying. Love. Eh. I'm on break for a minute. So let's just go to karaoke on Saturday at 9pm. Library Bar. They know we're coming. We are taking over again. Tres Guerilla Bar, Laramie Style.

Big Gay Jim. Another year older. Going to bed. At 10pm. Because it's a school night. Damn I'm old. ;) And I want a job. For my birthday. It's a wish!

A chance to thank Judy Shepard

I don't usually deal in chain letter type messages. However, I think this one is well worth it and is something I feel very strongly about. Below is an email that Dennis Shepard sent to Dave O'Malley and Rob Debree (the lead investigators in Matt's murder). Judy has been nominated for the "Volvo For Life Awards," which recognizes community heroes for the work they do. Judy is a finalist for the state of Wyoming. While receiving a Volvo for life would be a wonderful way to thank Judy for her tireless efforts to erase hate across the country, there are also cash awards for charities that would no doubt be more important to her. At any rate, I encourage everyone to go to the link below and vote for Judy. I can think of nobody more deserving. And as Dennis says, please help get the word out about this (apologies to anyone who receives this multiple times/from lists). Let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

*****
From: Shepard, Dennis W
Sent: Thursday, August 17, 2006 2:33 AM
Hi,
I might be jumping the gun on this but I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. I think the Foundation is going to send something out officially anyway.

Judy has been nominated for recognition representing the State of Wyoming. I'd appreciate it if you would vote for her on as many computers as you can and as often as they will let you.

Go to the address below, click on Wyoming on the US map, then click on the box next to her name before submitting your vote. I may be prejudiced but I think she deserves the recognition because of what she does, what she's fighting for, and who she's fighting for.

http://www.volvoforlifeawards.com/cgi-bin/iowa/english/vote/index.html#search

I'd also appreciate it if you would pass this along to your friends and ask them to vote as many times as possible.

Thanks from me for Judy.

Job hunt update

I emailed DU about the job today, and received the following response:

Jim, thanks for the message. We are meeting as a committee tomorrow to make recommendations for a final candidate. We hope to then make reference checks and make an offer by Monday or Tuesday. We will be in touch with you either way.

Now you know as much as I do. Have I mentioned I hate waiting? ;)

Pins and needles

I'm not a patient person by nature. I don't wait well. And so not hearing anything about the job is...well...killing me! I understand that the hiring process is frought with delays and red tape. I know that the 14th was a "target date" to offer the position. But those who know me well understand that my brain spins around my head at highly unsafe speeds. Most people have REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. I think I have RPM sleep. No, I have not yet heard anything. Paranoia is setting in, slowly but surely. Well, maybe not so slowly. If I haven't heard anything by noon tomorrow, I shall email my prosepective supervisor and inquire about the timeline. Asking if I got the job is considered rude, and not something I want to do. Asking about the notification timeline, on the other hand, is wholly acceptable.

In the meantime, I'm trying to distract myself. Work helps a great deal, as it's that crazy-you-don't-want-to-be-around-me-I-hate-student-employees-you-really-forgot-your-password-after-one-month-paperwork-sucks time of year. (Say that 5 times fast.) And now I'm pausing to announce the birthday plans!

That's right kiddies...on Saturday, August 26th at 9pm we shall commence with karaoke to celebrate my turning thiry-wonderful. Don't worry...next year I expect to have my fourth annual 29th birthday, but since Denver Mary gave me such a cute term, I thought I'd try it out this year. We will meet at the Library Bar in Laramie, WY (sorry to Britt and all the other much-loved under-21's in my life...a little birdie suggested a night of karaoke and it seemed PERFECT). The actual date of birth is not the 26th, but Saturday is when they do the whole drunken sing-along thing. And the guy in charge said he'd love to sponsor my birthday party. ;)

Gifts are not required. Cocktails are much appreciated. For those who feel compelled to gift-ify, please contact Scott Roberts. He's agreed to coordinate donations toward two things which would make me smile. 1) A really nifty set of lighted LED poi balls that shift in color through the rainbow. They're fun. 2) Remaining donations will be used to purchase my very own karaoke machine and CD's. I spent today finding choice CD's at Amazon.com, and had a ball...for 10 whole minutes! If you don't know how to contact Mr. Roberts, let me know. I don't want to publish his info on the blog for fear he'll be spammed by an address-grabbing-web-crawling-bot.

So there's the fun news (and my current distraction) for the day. Please bear with me as I continue to wait for word on the job, and loathe the start-of-semester junk I'm in which I find myself immersed.

What a difference some gays make...

...and a bisexual. And a straight guy. Once again I have proof: I have the best friends ever. Though the work on the house is far from done, yesterday was a giant leap for the outside. The back yard has been trimmed, hoed, redesigned, and cleaned up. In the front, the large juniper is now 2, and the roses can actually be seen. We trimmed up a lot of the trees, and the smaller juniper is trimmed back as well. We weeded, pruned, and whipped it back into shape.

My stress level is much lower now, as I can see someone looking at the yard and not running away screaming if they wanted to buy the house. There's still work to do on the inside, and plenty more to finish up outside. But in one day a group of amazing people helped knock out the bulk of the work outside. I freely admit it: I cried when I saw the improvement.

Today I hurt, though. We started working at about 11am. We worked in the rain, in the wind, and in the sun. We finished around 7pm. I know I worked muscles I didn't know I had, and I'm sure everyone else did as well. So if you're bored some night, let me know. There are more things to do, and help will ALWAYS be much appreciated.

And I also wanted to say thanks to everyone who sent along a desire to help even though they didn't have the ability. Intent means more, and I thank you too. Cross your fingers for me tomorrow. (Sheesh I hope they're on schedule and call tomorrow; the waiting is killing me!)

Call for help!

Since there's a chance I'll be moving south for the winter...well, within a month or so, I have started to engage in hard core productivity around the house. In small stages, of course. ;) I've cleaned out the pantry, purging more than 55 gallons (I love the big contractor trash bags!) of out dated, stale, or undesired junk. There's extra room in the pantry, and it's clean! I was truly inspired by the success, so I continued last night. I mowed the yard, sprayed some of the shrubbery in the backyard with an anti-bug treatment, and finally removed the bird's nest from the garage light (the robin's eggs didn't hatch, and she abandoned the nest). Then I cleaned out one of the bedroom closets, throwing away a lot of old socks, ripped up shirts, etc. and collecting a HUGE laundry load's worth of clothes for good will. The other closet (and maybe dresser) are on tap for tonight.

So here's the call for help! Rather than going to Denver and playing this weekend, I plan to get dirty in the yard. The flower beds need some serious weeding, digging, pruning, etc. If the weather will cooperate, I would love all the help I can get. There will be plenty to do! I'm going to try to rake the yard this week, but there will be weeds to pull, etc. I can't offer much, but I'll provide dinner for any stalwart would-be gardeners. Drop me a line if you can help. I'll likely start early, around 10am or so, in an effort to beat the heat, the bugs, and the afternoon rain! Bring trowels, etc. if you have them. Let me know if you're coming though, so I can plan accordingly. Smooches to all the bitches!

Interview update

Things went very well, I think. I met with some students from the Queer Straight Alliance, an interview committee, the Assistant Provost, and the Queer Ally Coalition. It is a brand new position on campus. I met the people I'd be working with, the people I'd be working for, and a few others in between. I really liked them all, and am excited about the position and the potential it has. They are interviewing a total of 4 people. The last interview is being done on the 10th. Johanna, the supervisor, hopes to make an offer around the 14th. Keep your fingers crossed!

And for the record...I have the best friends on the planet. Thanks to everyone for the emails, blog comments, myspace comments, and text messages of support. It means SO much to me.

The rumors are true

It never ceases to amaze me how fast news travels in small towns/communities/groups/etc. Since my boss is now aware of it, I see no reason to maintain the strict secrecy that has been in place up to now. On June 30th, I submitted a job application to Denver University for their open position: GLBTQIA Program Coordinator. The position closed on July 14th. I received a call this morning just before 10am asking me to come interview. That interview is scheduled for this Thursday (Aug 3rd) from 9am to 1:30pm. Without going into mushi-ness, I will simply say that the thought of leaving Laramie and UW is not one that has been made lightly, and would not come without a great sense of loss. However, I remind myself that Denver is only 2 hours away, and will go on the record as saying I REALLY WANT THIS JOB!!! It would be turning my passion into my profession, and would be a step in the right direct for my life at this time. I will do my best to keep you all posted on the status. Things to prepare for: if I get this job, I will have to sell my house. There is work to be done on it before that can happen, and I will not b shy about asking for help with cleaning, yardwork, painting, etc. Help will be much appreciated, and will not go unrewarded (at least in the long term...but you might have to wait until I get the proceeds from the house sale)! Please send positive thoughts my way on Thursday, even if you don't want to see me leave Laramie. I need your support and love! More to come soon, I hope...

Life update

As of 8:45pm last night, I am officially single. We're still friends. I'm doing just fine, and looking forward to a great weekend in Denver. I'd rather be single than in a relationship that isn't working. I've been single for a long time, and know I'll be okay. Besides, the last few times I've gone to Denver, I've had to literally slap hands away from me. More when I'm back from Global Dance on Tuesday.

A smile during a long, difficult week

First, a quick (and for some, cryptic) shout out to my friends. This could have been a VERY bad week for your favorite homo (shouldn't I be EVERYone's favorite 'mo?). It currently looks like we've avoided a royal mess, but I wanted to thank everyone who offered help and support without thinking twice about it. You continually remind me how blessed I am to have you all in my life.

Family Planning is in the midst of a financial crisis, thanks to the drug companies who make birth control buying up the generic brand manufacturers, and jacking up prices by up to 900% on some medications. That's going to be a very-much-so-not-fun crunch, and mean a huge upheaval at the clinic.

The personal relationship (read: boyfriend) situation is not getting much better, though I hope a conversation tonight will provide resolution one way or another.

So I found myself looking for a smile this morning. I've been reading some chatter on lists and such about a new ad campaign, targeted in Colorado Springs. Since "Focus on the Family" (insert rolling of eyes and obligatory groaning here) got all hot and bothered about it, I decided it was time to do some online research and check it out myself. Funded in part by the Gill Foundation, which I adore, BornDifferent.org features a puppy named Norman, who moos, though he doesn't know why. The commercials are running on TV while posters, banners, and busses are traveling around Colorado to spark interest. So check out the site, as it's VERY well done, and I don't say that lightly when it comes to GLBTQ-related ads. I'm VERY impressed. I recommend watching all the Norman commercials, as well as the "What people think" video. The're all excellent. Enjoy! (More updates on my life soon to come, I promise.)