Monday, August 16, 2004

Demons from the Past

A note from the Empress: I debated about publishing this post. I wrote it last night and let it sit while I slept on it. It is not meant to be mean, critical, or to point out someone else's faults. It's simply an experience from which I think we can all learn.

I ran into two friends at Walmart tonight. Jokingly, they ignored me and pretended not to know me. It was meant to be in jest, and all in good fun. I know they would never intentionally hurt me. But that's doesn't change the fact: that's what happened.

I'm torn here, as I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or internalizing or projecting. You see, in high school I was one of the kids that got ignored. It was all well and good for someone to talk to me one-on-one in private. The barriers came down enough that it was okay to really talk to the overweight, unpopular brain - as long as nobody would know it. But once it was a group setting, they didn't know me and we had never spoken. And so when my friends recreated this all-too-familiar scene from the past, I got PISSED. And hurt...

They didn't know they'd hurt me, so they couldn't know why or how. I don't think I even blame them, as it's a problem of mine and they just pushed a button. But that's why I'm writing this, though I might not even post it. We all need to remember that some actions will hurt others unintentionally. And we all need to remember that when we're hurt, it's not necessarily intentional...or something we should be angry about. Anger is a real reaction; it's honest and true. But sometimes it's not warranted, or is misdirected. And that's just not worth it.

I'm not writing this as an indictment of their actions, especially since they will likely read this. It's not to draw out an apology from anyone, as there really isn't a lot to apologize for. It's simply a message the universe chose to smack me with. Things will hurt us more than they should. We will hurt others when we don't mean to do so. Remember these things, and tread lightly. And more importantly, weigh your reaction to make sure it's fair...and remember to forgive freely and often.

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