An update

So the trip to Ohio went better than we could have ever hoped. The show was great. The people were great. Our lecture went great. The trip home...well, we made it, and so did our luggage. The rest is just details, right?

Judy (Shepard) was speaking in Cleveland one of the same days we were. We didn't manage to meet up for cocktails or dinner like we'd hoped. We did, however, get a chance to talk. Judy was on the same flight back to Denver that we were. :) I love it when the universe looks out for ya. So I mentioned my Denver plans to her, and that I was working to become a professional speaker. She simply smiled and said "I'll keep that in mind." I REALLY love it when the universe looks out for ya. ;)

So tomorrow I'm off for the wonderful world of Denver. Surgery is Wednesday morning, and I'll drive down tomorrow after work. I'm really looking forward to it, and not just because it means almost a week in Denver. I really am excited by the thought I won't need glasses in the office anymore. And that it won't cost me anything out of pocket in the long run.

Just a quick little update so you know I still love you all!

Greetings from Berea, OH

Hello faithful readers! I am happily holed up in Berea, OH at Baldwin-Wallace College. Dave and I arrived safely, though our luggage did not. We had the wrong flight time for our departure from Laramie; they let us on the plane, but not our baggage. It took 24 hours for it to get to us. This meant wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row. It also meant I didn't my breathing machine...so we got about 2 hours of sleep. A 16 year old kid got sick on our flight...on the 2 businessmen in front of him. Dave and I were glad we were several rows behind him and on the other side of the aisle. But it's been a very good trip, because:

• This is the first time I've seen a stage production of the play since the original Tectonic group performed it. I was nervous about how it would look if people didn't have the opportunity to meet the people they were portraying. The kids here have done an AWESOME job.
• Everyone here has been incredibly gracious and appreciative that we're here.
• Dave and I are giving each other endless grief and shit...and loving it.
• Following the post-play talk-back session on our first night here, a student came up to me. She said "I'm a very conservative student, and I walked in here tonight knowing how I felt about homosexuality. I'm only here because my teacher said we had to come to one show for points. But even after just this short time, after listening to the play and you two talk...I feel a lot differently now. I've changed...my mind has changed. Thank you for being here."
• After our large lecture (the best attended and received lecture in their "Marting Lecture Series" in a LONG time, they tell us), a 50ish man came up before the play began. "I teach at a high school, so I'm not really in a position where I've been able to be out. But I've been able to help some students who've come out to me...and we've been lucky enough that none of them have killed themselves."
• We have seen the show 4 times here now. Dave and I have become VERY close with the cast. They are an amazing group of students, and have huge hearts. They are sassy, funny, fierce, and tender. We've invited any and all of them to visit us...any time.
• At the end of the last show, they pulled us up out of our seats onto the stage with them while they sang the final song (For those who know the play, the songs were added here and were written by a friend of the director. They are AMAZING and really added to the show. I have them on CD and will share them with anyone who wants to hear them.)
• We don't want to leave them...but will also be glad to return home and let our hearts settle a bit. And return to you all. I miss you and can't wait until I can hug you all again.

Post #169 - Good friends, good times

Saturday night was our second drag show here in Laramie. It wasn't a full-on show, but we instead provided entertainment for Lovers and Gamblers, an event hosted by Wyoming Equality. The night was a lot of fun (and involved a lot of painful feet), but I noticed something very important (once again): I have some amazing friends and family in my life. Without Nairobi (Jess) and Wyoming (Margaret) Dudd, we wouldn't be able to get in and out of a damn thing. "Hand me..." "Tie this..." "Where's my..." "Could you go get..." We are demanding bitches once the make up starts going on! The ladies take this all in stride...and then buy us flowers! Thanks for being the perfect backstage crew, and oh so much more.

Several friends came to see us at the show. Having friendly faces in the crowd means more than you know, and it makes us keep going with something that takes a lot of patience and energy...and hard fucking work too! Rehearsals, choreography sessions, memorizing songs in the car/shower/anywhere we can play a CD or MP3 Player. Pressing, dressing, and stressing! Thanks for being a fan base.

And tomorrow I leave for 4 days on a trip to Ohio with Dave O'Malley. 3 days of speaking to classes, play casts, audiences, and lecture halls. Dave and I are sure to have fun, and come back with a host of stories. It turns out that Judy (Shepard) is speaking in Cleveland one of the days we're in Berea (a suburb of Cleveland) so we're trying to work out some way to get together for cocktails after our respective lectures. Cross your fingers!

And then I'm back in Laramie for a few days before I leave for Denver for lasik...where even more friends will be driving me to/from surgery, caring for my blind ass for a while, and putting me up in style.

Who could ask for better friends than I have? NOBODY.

Flowers, Balloons, and Candy...OH MY!

As I have for the last couple years, I delivered flowers for Valentine's. My friend Stephen roped me into it one year, as he delivered for Killian's Florist here in town. Janet (Killian) does some of the most beautiful arrangements in town, and has several fun and crazy people who help her out on crunch days. Monday afternoon when I got back from Denver was great. I delivered with the window down, wearing a lightweight knit shirt. It was sunny, cheery, and happy.

Tuesday, or as I like to call it, Villain-tines Day, wasn't so pleasant. But more on that in a sec. Why do I deliver flowers when I have the anti-heart bitterness required of terminally single individuals, you ask? Well, it's simple, really. I have found a way to get paid for having to suffer through the nasty holiday. Good thinking, huh? That, and it reminds me that there are things worse than the job I have now. So here's a brief recap from yesterday (I didn't pay as much attention on Monday afternoon):

• 54 - orders I delivered
• 5 - re-deliveries I had to make when someone wasn't home or wasn't where they were supposed to be (3 of these were to one person - she was NOT my favorite)
• 135 - total orders delivered
• 85 - miles I drove around town yesterday
• 9.5 - hours spent delivering
• 32 - average temperature for most of yesterday
• 45 - mph for gusts of wind (great fun for orders involving balloons)
• 3 - gin and tonics I drank at the "light at the end of the tunnel" party we do each year after closing

Note the expression

A little piece of last weekend. Now imagine this on a long term basis.

A dose of my own medicine

Many of my friends have come to me over the years with problems, asking for guidance or advice. Time and time again I have told others "you need do what's best for YOU, not someone else." Friday night a dear and brave friend gave my advice back to me. I think most of you will not be surprised when I tell you that I have been doing some thinking over the last few months. Certain situations at work are far from ideal. And I've known for some time that a change has been coming. This post is my way of coming out and telling you all about my thoughts and plans: the time is coming for me to leave Laramie for Denver. It's not happening tomorrow. There isn't even a timeline as of yet. My friend told me I wasn't doing what was best for me, and that I had to let go. That I'm not responsible for keeping "gay" alive in Laramie. And that I didn't owe Matt my life and my happiness. That he would want me to be happy too, to find more. And he was right. I am ready for the next part of my life to begin. That part will be in Denver, of this I am certain. Please know that the only thing that gives me pause is the thought of being further from the family the universe has created for me here in Laramie. Notice I don't say taking me away from, as Denver is NOT far away, and I trust in our ability to be together. So I will be working on getting the house fixed and tidied. I will be putting more time and energy into launching my career as a professional activist and speaker. There's still plenty of time, folks. It will be several months before I could feasibly sell the house. And I'm not planning to rush this, either. But you are a part of my life, and you deserve to know.

Paybacks for Mandy

A young man gets a job as a bus driver for the Sesame Street School Company. Boy is he excited! It's his first day on the job. He arrives at his first stop, opens the doors and looks out at his first passengers. And there he sees a mother and her two daughters. The mother looks into the bus and says, "You're new aren't you?" The bus driver says, "Yes ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, I'd like you to meet my two little girls. This is Patty Sue and this is Patty Anne." And when he takes a good look at the girls, he simply can't believe his eyes. These kids are big. Really big. I'd like to be kind, but these girls are fat. The mother says, "Now Patty Sue and Patty Anne are big for their age..." He keeps his tongue under control. She says, "I'd like you to give my two little girls individual seats of their own on your bus." "No problem," he says, as the two girls squeeze down the aisle and find their seats. He closes the door and drives to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and he sees a mother and her young son. The mother looks at him and says, "You're new, aren't you?" He says, "Yes, ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, I'd like you to meet my son Josh. He's very special." And he looks down at what can only be described as the nerd to end all nerds. The boy wears thick glasses with white tape holding them together. He has pencils in his shirt pocket. He has the short-sleeved dress shirt. He has the white socks and sandals. The mother says, "My Josh is very special. I want you to give him a very special seat on your bus. I want him to sit up front every day." "No problem," says our driver, as Josh proudly seats himself right up front. The bus driver closes the door and goes to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and sees a mother and another little boy. The mother looks at him and says, (you guessed it) "You're new aren't you?" He says, "Yes, ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, my name is Mrs. Cleese, and this is my son Lester." And when the driver looks at Lester, it's a pitiful sight to behold. The poor little guy obviously has foot problems. He's limping painfully. The mother says, "Lester has problems with his feet." The driver nods sympathetically. The mother says, "I want you to help Lester as he gets on and off your bus everyday, so that he will not trip, stumble, or fall." The driver says, "No problem," and he helps Lester limp to his seat.
And then, as he closes the bus doors and drives away, he sees in his rearview mirror that Lester has removed his shoes and socks and is picking at the largest, most grotesque bunions he has ever seen. It's disgusting, the way that Lester picks at his feet. Our driver shudders and drives on. He delivers the kids to school and returns to the bus barn. He parks the bus and finds his supervisor. He walks right up to the boss and yells, "I QUIT!" The boss says, "Whaddya mean, you quit?" The bus driver replies, "There's no future in this job." The boss says, "What are to talking about?"
And the bus driver answers, "Well here's my problem. How could I take a job where all I would have to look forward to every day would be TWO OBESE PATTYS, SPECIAL JOSH AND LESTER CLEESE PICKING BUNIONS ON A SESAME STREET BUS?"

TGIF!

This week has certainly seemed to drag on for me, and I know I'm not alone. I've been tired. Not shocking, since I'm on the go go go...as per usual. The start of a semester is always a bit daunting, don't you think? Starting at the beginning. All over again. 4 months laid out ahead of us. I'm planning trips, a surgery, and work on the house. (Admitted limited, by comparison) Homework and reading assignments. Buying groceries. Activism: crab dinners for Family Planning, AIDS Walk, and SafeZone. And taking more time for fun. Trips to Denver for dancing, conveniently bundled with surgery appointments. Bowling on Fridays. Volleyball will start again in March. Fun is an important thing, especially after a long week. So here are some things to help you have a little fun today.

• Tired of that famous face? Get your revenge on Britney? Hanson? Miss Cleo? Wanna box with Puff Daddy or bitch slap Keanu? Visit Assassin - the game where you kill celebrities.
• If you missed the game craze that was sweeping the labs this summer, check out Kitten Cannon. You launch a sweet innocent kitten out of a cannon for distance. Avoid cat-eating plants and metal spikes. Trampolines and explosives give you distance and speed. It's bloody and gory, and a lot of fun. Best with sound!
• Not so much with the violence, but a child of the 80's? Go visit Growing Up in the 80's. They have a host of classic 80's arcade games. You can also listen to 80's music, find song lyrics, and step into a time warp with TV theme songs. There's even a guessing game for TV themes. I stumbled onto this site YEARS ago, and still find new and fun ways to amuse myself there from time to time.
• Can't decide what you're looking for? Bored.com has many options for you. Music, games, humor, quizzes, trivia, sports. Weird stuff, dumb stuff, romance stuff. There's a little something for everyone. Squid...something tells me you should find the virtual bubble wrap. HOURS of entertainment, I tell ya. ;)
• And being my gay self, I can't help but hit you with a few VERY gay links in a final bullet point. The Gayest Skateboarder Ever. The Gayest Thing You've Ever Seen (their claim, not mine). The Gayest Pope Ever (this one's for you, Tessa). A blog post about "The Gayest Thing You've Ever Done" (seriously, read this one...there are only one or two sex posts. Linus...you must read this).

So take a moment and find some fun on a Friday...you've earned it!

HOMEWORK?!

I am not a 19 year college student. I have not been one for some time. As most of my readers know, I am sitting in on Beth's "Queer Theory" class this semester. This meant a trip to the book store...and $70. It also means having to do reading. On a time table. And writing assignments (though I get to avoid the nasty paper-writing trauma), as the field journal is fairly integral to the class discussions. Now I realize that I only have one class to juggle these days, and my full-time student friends will just scoff at me for saying this, but...I have to do HOMEWORK?! I haven't had to do that shit in years. It's a shock to the system.
Note: I also work more than 40 hours a week, and volunteer between 10 and 20 hours each week. Being a grown up sucks.

We've come so far

Brokeback Mountain opened in Laramie today. The Rainbow Resource Center has a new, larger, and more visible home in the Union. There are 121 people subscribed to the Spectrum email list. Spectrum was named Outstanding Student Organization last year. Wyoming AIDS Walk is celebrating its 5th year. There is gay TV all over the place. I'm starting the beginnings of a career as a professional homo.

It's 2006 now. As I reflect on the past year, I am amazed at where we are today. I came out 10 years ago, and it was a much different world. I remember exactly where I was and who I was with the night Ellen came out on her television show. I remember Tammy Baldwin being elected the first openly lesbian congresswoman. I remember when only 8 states offered employment protection based on sexual orientation...not 17. I remember when no states protected employment based on gender identity...not 7. And I still remember being terrified of people learning I was gay. Today, most of these things are remembered as history...ancient history by some. *grin*

I am simply overwhelmed by how much things have changed in the decade since I first told someone I wasn't straight. Things have changed a great deal, and not just for the country as a whole! I'm speaking nationally and writing textbook chapters, for fuck's sake! But this isn't about me. It's about change. Determination. Struggle. SUCCESS! We all have a part in this, gay or straight. The readers of my blog are all a part of "the movement." Or you wouldn't be my friends...or phantom cyber stalkers. ;) Thank you for that. And now...onward and upward!

I'm not a 21 year old...

...but I play one on TV. Ok, not on TV. But on New Year's I sure pretended. We partied like rock stars. We danced non-stop on New Year's for HOURS. Some interesting facts and numbers:

• 5: the number of days in Denver with "the girls"
• more than I can count: the number of cocktails I/we had
• 5: the number of different gay bars we hit while down south, some more than once (of course)
• 2: the number of gay restaurants we went to
• $10: the amount of money a random woman gave Jerry, Cory, and I each...just because she knew we were gay, and wanted good fag hag and gambling karma
• 1: number of men who asked for my number randomly after saying "You're hot." This would be the first time that's happened.
• 1.5: the average number of meals we ate when we were there
• 1: the number of hot tubs we were in
• 4: the number of hours of sleep I had in a 36 hour period
• 5: the number of naked penises I saw
• 0: the number of times I had sex - hey...statistics can't ALL be good ;)

Fun at the eye doctor?!

It really is possible! Who knew!? First of all, my eye doctor has the sophisticated, nerdy hot thing going for him. He's got a great smile and eyes you could get lost in. Appropriate, don't you think? He's also super gay-friendly. We had a lovely conversation today about his friend from St. Louis who owns a gay bar, and how they went down to Charlie's in Denver the last time he was in town.

Now, I didn't really NEED to go to the eye doctor, but I had a substantial amount of flex medical reimbursement money to use this year. Apparently I was too healthy, at least for things other than colds, etc. for which I didn't see a doctor. So I had money to splurge on new glasses. Because my prescription didn't change much (it actually was a bit better than usual today), getting a new pair of glasses for the office seemed silly and wasteful. So I'm getting a new pair of prescription sunglasses. With $300 Oakley frames. I've never owned shades other than the $15 versions available at the local mega-marts. I think they look good on me, and the nice folks there agreed with me.

To boot, Dr. Hunky furrowed his brow a bit during the exam and asked if I had ever considered lasik surgery. I had, but since my prescription was so mild and I am far-sighted, he'd never been too wild about it. However, his top surgeon in Denver is doing a study on...lasik for far-sighted people. Dr. Hunky thinks I'd be a great candidate for the study, and is sending my info south. If selected, I will get FREE lasik! He told me with a slight grin that the "downside" is that follow-up appointments would be in Denver. "You mean I'd have to take time off from work, create a long weekend in Denver, and have a legitimate excuse to head south and go out to REAL clubs?" Gee. Darn. Sign my ass up!!!

In other news, I have released the schedules for my employees...my major stress over break periods and the only serious deadline hanging over my head right now. WOOT!

This rarely seen bright and cheery mood is brought to you by the letter Q (for queer) and the number 9 (for inches).

Professor Higgins, I could have danced all night!

In fact, I did. But we'll get to that. Olive Garden was delicioso as per usual. How can you go wrong with the soup, salad, and breadstick lunch? Once in Denver, we headed to Jerry's to unpack and unwind. Chuck and Jerry arrived a little after we got there, and margaritas weren't far behind. We just laughed and lounged and drank until it was time to head for the theater. The movie was incredible beyond words. It was passionate, tender, brutal, and honest. You saw every ounce of lust, love, and pain of the original story. I was in awe. After the film, Cory and I headed for the club. Scott and Craig showed up as we were heading for the door. We got in before there was a cover. I love it when the timing is totally on.

After about 20 minutes, I took to the dance floor. When they play Cher, how could I not? There were very few people there yet, and I normally wouldn't be on the dance floor without more bodies to keep me anonymous. But Cory, Scott, Craig, and more new friends in Denver were with me, and it just felt right. We started to dance. We didn't stop except to get a fresh drink from the bar or switch to the 80's room for a few minutes. 3 hours. I danced non-stop for 3 hours. Then we switched to an after hours club, located in a basement of a building near the capital building. At nearly 3am, Cory and I were exhausted, and drove back to Englewood to the condo for the night. We went to "The Petticoat Bruncheon" at the Bump and Grind...translation: brunch served by boys in scary bad drag.

As if the events weren't fun enough, the friendship was incredible. I hadn't been out dancing with Scott or Cory, and Cory had never been to a real gay club. Cory found a nice Argentinian boy named Claudio to dance and flirt with. Scott and I saw a side of each other we'd never seen, and opened up to each other like never before. Craig and I bonded. I feel alive again.

Time for a gay weekend

I've had it. I'm sick of work. I'm sick of Laramie. So against my better judgement (translation: financial situation) I'm evacuating town this weekend for a gay getaway. Cory and I will be driving south, listening to the Rent soundtrack over and over. While Georgina (my car) is getting an oil change, we will be having the soup, salad, and breadstick lunch at The Olive Garden in Fort Collins. From there, it's on to Denver! We'll be staying at Jerry's condo in Englewood. He's already putting a bucket of margaritas in the freezer for our arrival. We shall find fabulous food somewhere in Denver before heading to the Mayan Theater for Brokeback Mountain - nominated for 7 Golden Globes. We're meeting up with a small contingent from Laramie including Keith and Khristian for the show. Tickets have already been purchased, and a good thing too. The Mayan is the only theater in Denver showing the film, and rumor has it that it's sold out on both screens Saturday night. After what promises to be a FANTASTIC movie, we will head out to Tracks, one of the gay dance clubs, for a night of cutting loose! Brunch on Sunday, no doubt. Jess is puppy-sitting, and has therefore made this regeneration break possible. Shout out, Babe!

I leave you with a short interview with Annie Proulx, author of the original short story, Brokeback Mountain. It's good. Read it, bitches:
http://365gay.com/entertainment/special/specialreports/121605special.htm

Sibling Rivalry

My sister just turned 29 on Friday. She made the mistake of logging in this morning. Brothers and sisters are supposed to make each other crazy now and then. Sometimes, they also have fun. Happy Birthday Sis!

J: Heh. You're old.
S: hehe, younger than you. I'm not 30 yet. nananana!
J: Not by much. I refuse to turn 30, so I'll be having my third annual 29th birthday next time. Before long, I’ll be younger than you!
S: What if I refuse to turn 30? Then I'll be 29, but still fewer times than you, so I'm still younger.
J: Nope. Moms can't not turn 30. It's the law. Especially in communist countries. I saw it on Jeopardy.
S: That shows what you know! Moms with gay brothers are exempt from that
J: Not if it makes them younger than said gay brother. We have to be the youngest and prettiest.
S: well, then you are losing anyway...I'm the prettiest one. That's why mom liked me best.
J: *laugh* See...now you're just talking crazy talk. Moms always like the gay boys best.
S: you're in denial...they only PRETEND to like them better because the gay boys are so sensitive...moms don't want to hurt their feelings
J: Girl...moms know we can kick a little ass and whip out a little 'tude. We're like best gal pals.
S: ah, but you are the "high maintenance" best friend that's really only superficial...great to go shopping with, but not who you call for real stuff
J: Shopping, cocktails, and girl talk. What's more real than that?!
S: Um...reality.
J: Oh honey....reality is just that stuff on TV. Shows like "Big Gay Brother," "American Idolatry," and "Survive Me." (I'm having so much fun channeling Karen Walker!)
S: But honey, Karen has way nicer boobs!
J: You haven't seen pictures of the drag show yet. 52DD. Who needs a purse when you have cleavage from hell?
S: And you found that size...where?

No Day But Today

Sometimes I am a walking stereotype. I freely admit that I love Broadway and show tunes. It will come as no shock to those who know me that I went to see Rent for the third time last night. Spectrum, the queer student group I advise, went to see the show as a group. We ended up having a sing along in the theater. There were few other people in the theater, we were bigger and meaner, and we actually had some talent...so we decided to go for it. It was nothing short of magical. Each time I see it, the recurring themes come back to me...stronger than before. Love fiercely. Live each day as if it is your last. These are the easy ones.

The name of the play "Rent" doesn't just refer to paying the bills. It's also about people's lives and groups of friends being torn into pieces...being rent apart. And bringing them back together. The drag queen character, Angel, teaches everyone to value love and friendship. To be yourself. To be unabashedly and unapologetically unique. To give freely of your heart, your time, and your worldly goods..."Today for you, tomorrow for me."

We should each be reminded of these things, and often. So in true gay show tune fashion, I leave you with your homework, in the form of a song:

There's only us
There's only this...
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

The Pope is a Spin Doctor

My office aide was watching segments of the Today Show recently. The Catholic church has recently "lightened up" on its stance regarding unbaptized babies and limbo. I realize that limbo is not official church doctrine. What was funny to me, though not shocking at all, was that an official from the Catholic Church went on national TV and said that the Pope had asked their committee to re-examine the issue and put a more "positive spin" on it. The fact that any church changes positions on an issue or theological interpretation is not shocking. Most of my Catholic friends said "Don't you think we KNOW the church shifts on issues?" Of course! But now they're publicly admitting it on national TV.

In short, it's okay for the church to change it's mind. But not on the whole gay thing, of course. ;)

Rollercoasters

I've spent the week with ups and downs, to be sure. It's been a long semester for me, and I know I'm not the only one. Work involves stress and drama. I spent a fair amount of time today trying to find the new Rent soundtrack...which is apparently not available in Laramie. Thank goodness for Amazon.

But a funny thing happened as I scoured the stores of Laramie. While in K-Mart, I ran into my old mentor teacher and her husband. I hadn't seen her since I did Romeo's soliloquy for her 9th grade classes. She asked me how I was doing and what was new. My answer surprised me.

I didn't tell her about work. I told her that I had a chapter in a diversity textbook that will be published before long. I told her that I have my second paid speaking gig coming up. I told her that I connected with the Safe and Drug-Free Schools coordinator in Cheyenne, and that she wants me to come do SafeZone trainings all over the Laramie County School District. I told her that I was doing what I had dreamed of, what she helped me realize I wanted, that I was making it happen. Slowly but surely. It wasn't until I was done telling her, and seeing her face light up, that I realized it was true.

Despite all the stress, the frustration, the single-ness, the feeling old...I am doing good things and working towards what I want. It made me stop and smile, despite Laramie's lack of taste in soundtracks, spending too much money on the payday shopping trip, and the freezing cold weather. So I want everyone to stop for a moment and take stock in what you're doing. I know most of my regular readers, and know that you're doing the same thing. It's finals time here at UW, and that means a lot of stress. So pause and remember that you are working toward something. It's not all in vain. Hang in there, and remember to give yourself credit. As long as you're moving forward, you're moving. The rest is details.

I already sent this to some of you via email, but thought I would share with all. You should watch this video, but you must do it with sound. This is what happens when you double major in music and electrical engineering...and have WAY too much time on your hands before the holidays.

http://members.cox.net/transam57/lights.wmv

I am thankful...

...for each of you. You are all an important part of my life. You are my family. So thank you for being you.