Pins and needles

I'm not a patient person by nature. I don't wait well. And so not hearing anything about the job is...well...killing me! I understand that the hiring process is frought with delays and red tape. I know that the 14th was a "target date" to offer the position. But those who know me well understand that my brain spins around my head at highly unsafe speeds. Most people have REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. I think I have RPM sleep. No, I have not yet heard anything. Paranoia is setting in, slowly but surely. Well, maybe not so slowly. If I haven't heard anything by noon tomorrow, I shall email my prosepective supervisor and inquire about the timeline. Asking if I got the job is considered rude, and not something I want to do. Asking about the notification timeline, on the other hand, is wholly acceptable.

In the meantime, I'm trying to distract myself. Work helps a great deal, as it's that crazy-you-don't-want-to-be-around-me-I-hate-student-employees-you-really-forgot-your-password-after-one-month-paperwork-sucks time of year. (Say that 5 times fast.) And now I'm pausing to announce the birthday plans!

That's right kiddies...on Saturday, August 26th at 9pm we shall commence with karaoke to celebrate my turning thiry-wonderful. Don't worry...next year I expect to have my fourth annual 29th birthday, but since Denver Mary gave me such a cute term, I thought I'd try it out this year. We will meet at the Library Bar in Laramie, WY (sorry to Britt and all the other much-loved under-21's in my life...a little birdie suggested a night of karaoke and it seemed PERFECT). The actual date of birth is not the 26th, but Saturday is when they do the whole drunken sing-along thing. And the guy in charge said he'd love to sponsor my birthday party. ;)

Gifts are not required. Cocktails are much appreciated. For those who feel compelled to gift-ify, please contact Scott Roberts. He's agreed to coordinate donations toward two things which would make me smile. 1) A really nifty set of lighted LED poi balls that shift in color through the rainbow. They're fun. 2) Remaining donations will be used to purchase my very own karaoke machine and CD's. I spent today finding choice CD's at Amazon.com, and had a ball...for 10 whole minutes! If you don't know how to contact Mr. Roberts, let me know. I don't want to publish his info on the blog for fear he'll be spammed by an address-grabbing-web-crawling-bot.

So there's the fun news (and my current distraction) for the day. Please bear with me as I continue to wait for word on the job, and loathe the start-of-semester junk I'm in which I find myself immersed.

What a difference some gays make...

...and a bisexual. And a straight guy. Once again I have proof: I have the best friends ever. Though the work on the house is far from done, yesterday was a giant leap for the outside. The back yard has been trimmed, hoed, redesigned, and cleaned up. In the front, the large juniper is now 2, and the roses can actually be seen. We trimmed up a lot of the trees, and the smaller juniper is trimmed back as well. We weeded, pruned, and whipped it back into shape.

My stress level is much lower now, as I can see someone looking at the yard and not running away screaming if they wanted to buy the house. There's still work to do on the inside, and plenty more to finish up outside. But in one day a group of amazing people helped knock out the bulk of the work outside. I freely admit it: I cried when I saw the improvement.

Today I hurt, though. We started working at about 11am. We worked in the rain, in the wind, and in the sun. We finished around 7pm. I know I worked muscles I didn't know I had, and I'm sure everyone else did as well. So if you're bored some night, let me know. There are more things to do, and help will ALWAYS be much appreciated.

And I also wanted to say thanks to everyone who sent along a desire to help even though they didn't have the ability. Intent means more, and I thank you too. Cross your fingers for me tomorrow. (Sheesh I hope they're on schedule and call tomorrow; the waiting is killing me!)

Call for help!

Since there's a chance I'll be moving south for the winter...well, within a month or so, I have started to engage in hard core productivity around the house. In small stages, of course. ;) I've cleaned out the pantry, purging more than 55 gallons (I love the big contractor trash bags!) of out dated, stale, or undesired junk. There's extra room in the pantry, and it's clean! I was truly inspired by the success, so I continued last night. I mowed the yard, sprayed some of the shrubbery in the backyard with an anti-bug treatment, and finally removed the bird's nest from the garage light (the robin's eggs didn't hatch, and she abandoned the nest). Then I cleaned out one of the bedroom closets, throwing away a lot of old socks, ripped up shirts, etc. and collecting a HUGE laundry load's worth of clothes for good will. The other closet (and maybe dresser) are on tap for tonight.

So here's the call for help! Rather than going to Denver and playing this weekend, I plan to get dirty in the yard. The flower beds need some serious weeding, digging, pruning, etc. If the weather will cooperate, I would love all the help I can get. There will be plenty to do! I'm going to try to rake the yard this week, but there will be weeds to pull, etc. I can't offer much, but I'll provide dinner for any stalwart would-be gardeners. Drop me a line if you can help. I'll likely start early, around 10am or so, in an effort to beat the heat, the bugs, and the afternoon rain! Bring trowels, etc. if you have them. Let me know if you're coming though, so I can plan accordingly. Smooches to all the bitches!

Interview update

Things went very well, I think. I met with some students from the Queer Straight Alliance, an interview committee, the Assistant Provost, and the Queer Ally Coalition. It is a brand new position on campus. I met the people I'd be working with, the people I'd be working for, and a few others in between. I really liked them all, and am excited about the position and the potential it has. They are interviewing a total of 4 people. The last interview is being done on the 10th. Johanna, the supervisor, hopes to make an offer around the 14th. Keep your fingers crossed!

And for the record...I have the best friends on the planet. Thanks to everyone for the emails, blog comments, myspace comments, and text messages of support. It means SO much to me.

The rumors are true

It never ceases to amaze me how fast news travels in small towns/communities/groups/etc. Since my boss is now aware of it, I see no reason to maintain the strict secrecy that has been in place up to now. On June 30th, I submitted a job application to Denver University for their open position: GLBTQIA Program Coordinator. The position closed on July 14th. I received a call this morning just before 10am asking me to come interview. That interview is scheduled for this Thursday (Aug 3rd) from 9am to 1:30pm. Without going into mushi-ness, I will simply say that the thought of leaving Laramie and UW is not one that has been made lightly, and would not come without a great sense of loss. However, I remind myself that Denver is only 2 hours away, and will go on the record as saying I REALLY WANT THIS JOB!!! It would be turning my passion into my profession, and would be a step in the right direct for my life at this time. I will do my best to keep you all posted on the status. Things to prepare for: if I get this job, I will have to sell my house. There is work to be done on it before that can happen, and I will not b shy about asking for help with cleaning, yardwork, painting, etc. Help will be much appreciated, and will not go unrewarded (at least in the long term...but you might have to wait until I get the proceeds from the house sale)! Please send positive thoughts my way on Thursday, even if you don't want to see me leave Laramie. I need your support and love! More to come soon, I hope...

Life update

As of 8:45pm last night, I am officially single. We're still friends. I'm doing just fine, and looking forward to a great weekend in Denver. I'd rather be single than in a relationship that isn't working. I've been single for a long time, and know I'll be okay. Besides, the last few times I've gone to Denver, I've had to literally slap hands away from me. More when I'm back from Global Dance on Tuesday.

A smile during a long, difficult week

First, a quick (and for some, cryptic) shout out to my friends. This could have been a VERY bad week for your favorite homo (shouldn't I be EVERYone's favorite 'mo?). It currently looks like we've avoided a royal mess, but I wanted to thank everyone who offered help and support without thinking twice about it. You continually remind me how blessed I am to have you all in my life.

Family Planning is in the midst of a financial crisis, thanks to the drug companies who make birth control buying up the generic brand manufacturers, and jacking up prices by up to 900% on some medications. That's going to be a very-much-so-not-fun crunch, and mean a huge upheaval at the clinic.

The personal relationship (read: boyfriend) situation is not getting much better, though I hope a conversation tonight will provide resolution one way or another.

So I found myself looking for a smile this morning. I've been reading some chatter on lists and such about a new ad campaign, targeted in Colorado Springs. Since "Focus on the Family" (insert rolling of eyes and obligatory groaning here) got all hot and bothered about it, I decided it was time to do some online research and check it out myself. Funded in part by the Gill Foundation, which I adore, BornDifferent.org features a puppy named Norman, who moos, though he doesn't know why. The commercials are running on TV while posters, banners, and busses are traveling around Colorado to spark interest. So check out the site, as it's VERY well done, and I don't say that lightly when it comes to GLBTQ-related ads. I'm VERY impressed. I recommend watching all the Norman commercials, as well as the "What people think" video. The're all excellent. Enjoy! (More updates on my life soon to come, I promise.)

It's on the record now

So today the House failed to pass the Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage. Yes, again. They were 47 votes shy of the necessary 2/3 majority. Here's the most interesting (well, as far as I'm concerned) snippet from the AP article:

But supporters said the vote will make a difference when people got to the polls in November. "The overwhelming majority of the American people support traditional marriage," said Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, a Republican from Colorado, sponsor of the amendment. "And the people have a right to know whether their elected representatives agree with them."

First of all, I question her comment about and "overwhelming majority." Every poll I've seen in the last 3 months shows it dead even. 50/50. But that point isn't even the most important.

So let me get this...pardon the pun...straight. We've spent how long debating this divisive, discriminatory amendment AGAIN in the House? Costing how much money and time? Ignoring more pressing issues and topics. Not because "it's the right thing to do." Not because they thought it could pass. Not because of "overwhelming" outcry from 80% of America. Not because it would improve the US Constitution.

No...the reason we've wasted time, money, and energy on this discriminatory piece of garbage for the umpteenth time is so that people know who to vote for in November. Marilyn Musgrave, thank you for going on the record and admitting that this was an election year ploy, and not "concern for the moral fabric of America," "protection for the oldest and most sacred institution," or any of the other bogus claims made by countless FMA supporters. Too bad it's because you're just not smart enough to realize what you said, and not because you're being an honest politician. But at least a Republican supporter...and original "author" of the FMA...finally said what we've been saying for months now.

To tide you over...

More exciting and important posts are soon to come, I promise. In the meantime, here's a VERY poignant little commercial. It's funny, yet sad. Watch it. Trust me.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=354057227367687976

200 Pounds of Fun

For those who were at the drag show in October, you might remember I did a little number called 200 pounds of fun, by Candye Kane. It's a fun little romp about being sexy despite being a bit...voluptuous. And if you know me in person (I'm very excited by the number of non-locals who've found the blog, welcome to all), you know that I've been working to trim down my ample frame. And that I've always been sensitive about my weight. It's the one thing people aren't allowed to tease me about.

Body image for men is something that is rarely discussed. Body image for gay men is ridiculous, and many gay men have eating disorders. Some might be surprised to learn that I had one in high school. I just plain flat didn't eat. At most, I'd have a dry lettuce salad for lunch, and would pick at my food at night. It was easy, as I usually had to reheat food anyway and wasn't at home for meals. I was also on the cross country running team at the time, and would go home after practice and pass out from exhaustion. My mother thought I was napping after a hard day at school and practice. Obviously, not a healthy weight loss plan, and not one that worked either. I didn't lose much weight, as my metabolism is funky to begin with. Not giving it food didn't help matters.

Recently I've found some combinations that work, and am losing weight in a healthy way. 27 pounds and counting, thankyouverymuch! Now that I have momentum going in the right direction and have kick started my metabolism a bit, it should only get better from here on out. This week at pride, I spent a lot of the week at the pool, without wearing a shirt...something that is decidedly new to me. My close friends have been commenting on how good I look, and how proud they were that I was shirtless. The last few months I've gotten more than a little attention at the bars in Denver. Granted, it's at the "bear" bars, but it's new to me. And I like it!!!

I will continue to go dancing in Denver. I will continue to eat as I have been recently. And I will continue to tighten the belt...and rediscover items in my closet I can wear again! But I will try to be more open about body image, eating disorders, and the hidden crisis men (gay men especially) are facing in America today to live up to impossible ideals. We've broken through a barrier of silence when it comes to women and eating disorders, body image, magazine covers, etc. There's still an epidemic of anorexia, bulimia, and other disorders for women (see the cast of Ally McBeal for examples), but at least we can talk about them as a society.

And for me personally? I rewarded myself. I have long thought about having my nipples pierced, but promised myself that I'd wait until I was skinny and they would look good. I've known a lot of guys who had it done, and I think they look hot! So, after a week of positive reinforcement from a group of friends I trust, a year of working to shed unwanted pounds, and a little ego stroking, I decided I'd done well enough that it was time. I'm sore, and am not looking forward to a couple months of healing, but I am now the proud owner of two shiny new nipple rings. (Anyone trying to play with them, tweak them, or otherwise cause pain with them while healing will suffer honest pain in return...healing must happen, so don't think it's a new game, kiddies!)

I also discovered a whole new way of dancing. This weekend, due in large part to my newfound comfort level and aforementioned positive reinforcement, I let myself go on the dance floor in ways I never had before. I borrowed a friend's glow sticks, and discovered that I can dance with them too! I can dance the way I've always wanted to, as I wished myself skinny. I had people coming up to me and asking me to dance with the glow sticks for them. (And the best part is, the new method of dancing is an even better workout, helping me lose even more weight!)

Today's lesson: we're all beautiful, even if we don't conform to the current standards of fashion, size, etc. It might be difficult to find that beauty in yourself, but chances are that the people who care about you most see it. Work to find it yourself. I don't have to lose weight because my health is at risk (my cholesterol, glucose, etc. have always been good). I don't have to lose weight because other people say I do. I don't have to lose weight because I worry nobody will want to date me unless I do. And now, most importantly, I don't have to do it because I feel like I should hate myself. I'll never be a skinny little thing. But that's okay too.

And that, boys and girls, is post #200. What better way to commemorate a blog milestone than with a personal/emotional one as well? Isn't it funny how the universe looks out for us sometimes?

Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay!

Hello faithful readers! I have just returned from a full week of uber-gayness. There are several posts in the works, including Post #200, coming very soon! (It helps that I'm doing laundry, and have to stay up for a bit...and refuse to work until tomorrow.) Suffice it to say that my batteries are very much recharged. While I want to say it's good to be home, I really wish I was still in Denver! One week with only 2 moments where work interrupted my life were NICE.

Some highlights:

• I have a much better tan. On more of my body (stayed tuned for post #200).
• I spent a lot of time with some amazing friends. Scott, Craig, and Josh rock my world more than ever. Cory was such a trooper, and took great care of me on more than one occasion. Chuck, Jerry, and Mary are some of the most generous people I've ever met. Jess, Jessi, and Sterling kick ass, and look SO hot in 50's style garb. (End shout outs for the moment).
• I let go of myself in new ways on the dance floor, and discovered I have a whole new way of dancing inside me. More coming in post 201 (I told you...so much to tell you!). Preview: it involves glow sticks.
• I must soon live in a place that has interesting things to see and do. Example: We went to a crepe restaurant this week for brunch. A restaurant. Where the bulk of the menu consisted of crepes. Healthy. Affordable. Amazingly tasty. (And the owner was a little cutie in his 20's.)
• I went to a new gay bar this trip. The Foxhole. I bonded with 3 different lesbians who will be at Rendezvous this morning.

So much more happened this trip, and more will be revealed in short order. However, I want to share the most important lesson from the weekend. Nothing is more important than good friends/family. You can be exhausted, depressed, drunk, dancing, annoyed with your partner...and as long as you have good friends, it's all good. So to all my friends, whether you're gay or not...whether you were at Pride or not...thank you for being a part of my life. I am truly blessed for having you in my life.

Must. Not. Explode.

As most of you are aware, I have been anxiously awaiting Pride this year. I need the time off and away from work, before I go postal! I'm tired of dealing with Orientation, last minute deadlines, and complete chaos. If I don't decompress a little bit, it will not be healthy for me down the road. I'm looking forward to lounging by the pool, playing volleyball, listening to music, spending time with close friends, and relaxing. I'm looking forward to seeing my boyfriend for the first time in 3 weeks.

I have reached the point where I am counting down hours. I'm finding it hard to focus on the task at hand, regardless of what said task might be. There is packing to be done. I have an AIDS Walk meeting tonight. There's last minute laundry, dishes, etc. I'm putting finishing touches on a few mix CD's made especially for the occasion. I need to vacuum. I REALLY need to mow, but the weather has not been cooperating on days I have the time AND energy. So much to do. *sigh* At this point, I'm happy if I can keep my brain from exploding from the excitement of a week off.

So from Wednesday to Wednesday, don't expect new posts, emails, etc. I will be in a self-imposed digital bubble. I will have the cell phone. You might receive a call telling how nice it is to be drinking cocktails by the pool. At 2pm on a weekday. (Let's be real...it can and will happen.) So here's today's lesson/homework:

GO PLAY! Find something to do with no other intrinsic value. Be lazy, decadent, and summery!

PS...we're only a post or two away from my 200th blog post. There will be some sort of appropriate merry-making here in my corner of cyberspace. Stay tuned!

Kids are great teachers

I rarely post things I get from email, as I figure most people have seen them. This was a new one to me, and one I thought worth sharing.
*****
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
*****
Today's lesson: Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

A lesson about long distance

As many of my readers know, I was expecting to have a weekend with my boyfriend this weekend. A full weekend even...not just an overnight trip from Saturday evening to Sunday morning. And I was really looking forward to it.

So the boyfriend cannot come to town this weekend after all. He has to stay in Denver and help some of his groups get ready for Pride - making floats, etc. Needless to say I was a bit...disappointed. Fortunately I have a few friends in long distance relationships, so this was not a total surprise. I've watched them struggle with last minute problems, delays, etc. So I thought I would share the pearl of wisdom that is helping me get through my displeasure.

Remember that when dealing with friends, significant others, etc. who are a distance away, stuff will happen. There will be times when the universe aligns and prevents plans. It's nobody's fault. It doesn't mean they don't WANT to be together with you. It doesn't mean "something better came along." Sometimes, life gets in the way.

I'm reminding myself (continually, until my heart believes what my head knows) that we still love each other. That this wasn't a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We're going to be together for a while, and there will be other weekends for him to come up here. More chances down the road to be together. I'm sad and he feels guilty. Neither of these is overly productive, though they are real and honest and we must accept them. Own them, if you will. As someone I once knew used to say "Bless it and release it."

And now I start thinking about mowing the lawn, washing the car, etc. on a weekend that is suddenly (and sadly) more open.

Puberty at...29 (shuddup)

So last night my boyfriend called me after work. This happens pretty much every night. After the standard hellos he said "Hey...I want you to listen to something." He then proceeded to play "Everything I Do" by Bryan Adams into the phone. Cheesy ballad from a movie about men in tights, you say? True. However, it was still one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. I've never had someone play sappy love songs into the phone for me. Naturally, it made me cry. A lot.

But it also made me think of some old wisdom I wanted to share with the masses, especially those unfamiliar with gay dating. So often GLBT folks don't get a chance to go through the usual dating rituals most American teens endure at the onset of puberty. We develop crushes, feel the surge of hormones, and dream of a first kiss...just like straight people. But because of the bias against same-sex relationships, we don't usually get a chance to date. We don't learn how to ask someone out. We don't learn from rejection, because we're too afraid to ask. We don't learn how to fight with a partner, make up with a partner, or decide if the time is right to even make out with one!

We have to go through the painful, awkward dance that is "courtship" later in life than most people. Granted, as GLBT youth come out at earlier ages this is shifting somewhat; many of us couldn't come out in junior high or high school. It just wasn't safe, especially if you grew up somewhere other than an urban locale, repleat with gay clubs, community centers, and youth groups. Dating is a hard thing to learn. It's even harder when you're a decade behind the learning curve.

Today's homework: Spend some time thinking about how and when you learned to date. Think about how it would have been different if your sexual orientation were different. Discuss it with a friend. Leave a comment here on the blog. Just think. :)

Who Am I?

I am Jim Osborn. I am a second class citizen. I am not equal - at least in the eyes of our President. Read this and then call your Senators and tell them to vote NO on the Federal Marriage Amendment!

I am an American. I am a son. I am a brother. I am an uncle. I am a gay man. I wish I had a President I could support, but I don't.

I am sad and disillusioned. The party to which Bush belongs has strayed from its core beliefs and has become a puppet of the extreme right and big money interest groups. Many Republicans believe in small government, small government spending, low taxes for all, privacy, and states rights. President Bush does not appear to believe in these.

I am thinking of my niece. I want her to grow up as a citizen of a great country that respects all of its citizens: One where not just the richest one percent get tax cuts; One where the government works for the people but doesn't invade their homes or their bedrooms; One where my President doesn't run up a record national debt that was non-existent 6 years ago; One where if my niece is gay or straight, she will have the same rights as her peers; One that is respected in the world community;

One where I am equal.

What people don't understand is that the current President of the United States made history when he called a press conference and announced that he was going to support an amendment that would make a minority group second class citizens and use the most sacred document in this country, the Constitution, to do so. No president has ever done this.

George Bush will try to do it again next week.

If he had done this for a racial minority group, he would have been impeached. This President said to the world that I am not equal.

I don't want to get married, yet. I do want the option. I also want my friends who are in loving and committed relationships to have the same rights as our straight counterparts. We are denied over 1,100 rights everyday. This also affects their children.

Your church doesn't have to support my relationship; I would never ask that. I do not consider myself a Christian, or Jewish, or Muslim, or any religion.

When we begin to deny rights to one segment of our population, where does it end? Have we not learned from history?

I know there are a lot of issues in this country: the war, our children being killed overseas for this war, poverty, health care, and many others that our President could use his influence to change, but instead he is trying to polarize the country over an issue that he thinks will keep his people in power.

My niece could live her entire life and her uncle will have never been equal.

I face living in a country where my love will never be equal.

I face living in a country where I will never be equal.

I am Jim Osborn.

Ask and ye shall receive

There are now more baby pictures (we'll get back to the gayness soon enough)! Actual close up pictures of the cutest baby ever.

http://students.uwyo.edu/jimosbrn/ella.htm

Enjoy!

Elizabeth Ashley Gerritsen

Meet Ella. At birth, she was 20 inches long and weighed 9 pounds 4 ounces. I'm told she's doing really well, though she does get a little crampy every now and then after she eats.

Aunt yes, parents no

Dayo's family decided not to come to the concert, so I didn't get/have to meet them. No, I don't know why for sure; I decided not to press the issue while AT the concert. I'll find out tonight, most likely. The concert was a lot of fun, and Dayo had 2 solo parts. The little imp didn't tell me about all of them so they'd be a surprise. Like a good boyfriend, I also surprised him. Don't you think everyone deserves a dozen roses after a concert? ;)

In other news, I'm officially an aunt! After a series of phone calls (some of them LATE/EARLY), I got the last call today about 11:15am MST. Elizabeth Ashley Gerritsen (Ella for short) was born at 5:45pm on May 22nd, 2006. For those doing the math, an 8 hour time difference is how my niece was born in the future. ;) I don't have any numbers on weight, length, etc. yet, as she was only about 30 minutes old and still resting in mom's arms when I got the call. I'll have more info...and pictures...available soon. Mark swore he'd be sending me an email "yet tonight" (remember the 8 hour time difference). Everyone is healthy and happy, albeit very tired. (Contractions started about 3 or 3:30pm yesterday). To quote Mark, "She's beautiful."

More soon!

Packrat Nostalgia

My mother trained me to save all papers, as they could be important some day. Last week I spoke to a few junior high students about activism, and cleaned out the "Drawer o' Gay" in my office filing cabinet. I recycled about 2 reams worth of paper that we no longer needed, but it was the uncovered (sometimes forgotten) memories that are worth commenting on:

• An original fax from Fred Phelps to Phil Dubois about his intent to picket UW. After our "Angel Action," he sent a fax to Phil decrying his "assault" on the First Amendment. It was addressed to "Philip L. Dubois, Perfidious Pandering Poltroon."
• A letter from Chasity Pasley (Russell Henderson's girlfriend, CAC student employee, and my friend) to the CAC staff, upset for what she felt was their abandonment of her during the trial. I also found the letter I wrote her in response one year (to the day) after Matt's attack, though I never sent it to her.
• My concert ticket and backstage pass for the Elton John concert here in Laramie.
• The original drawing that was chosen as the new Spectrum logo, submitted by a UW student. (We held a contest for people to suggest a new name and logo for the group.)
• A stack of research I did on Exodus International, the largest "ex-gay" movement in the country. FYI...it doesn't work in the long term, and is phsychologically damaging according to the APA and several other professional organizations who know about such things.
• Various posters, fliers, and advertisements for Spectrum events, speakers, etc.
• Countless news clippings and online articles (printed, of course) relating to Spectrum, interviews, events, and Matt.
• A whole folder of info about the phone bank we organized when NBC ran their movie "The Matthew Shepard Story."
• Gobs more stuff, steeped in history.

My point: Needless to say, some of the materials bring up a sudden tide of emotions and memories, long since rusted or forgotten. It's taken some time to get my brain wrapped around some of these things, and I've not gone through much of the materials in depth. I simply went through the drawer trying to identify items and decide if they should be kept, archived, or recycled.

My plan: Sort through the stacks in detail, and give much of the material to the American Heritage Center here on campus. They have a large archive of materials about Matt, and are always looking for more. They're also interested in documenting under-represented groups or themes, like Spectrum and GLBT people here at UW. Since the materials will be indexed, sorted, and stored in controlled environments, they should be available for many generations to come.

Today's lesson: The past, even though sometimes painful, can teach us many things. Go through your own scrap book, treasure chest, file cabinets, photo albums, etc. Dig through your past. Some items might be ready for us to "tidy" them out of lives, clearing much needed drawer/closet/storage space. Some of them can teach other people about things they've not yet encountered. And some of them...simply need to be remembered from time to time. To teach us new lessons, remind us of old ones, and keep us rooted in ourselves. We cannot escape our past, nor should we try. We should, instead, remember our mistakes and heartache, and find new joy in the happy memories.

You want me to meet WHO!?

So the boy (Dayo) has a concert coming up the 19th and 20th. He's in Harmony, the gay and lesbian chorus in Denver. I told him I wanted to come see his show, even though his solo was cancelled. Then he told me who else would be there. The people he wants me to meet: his family. Parents. Brother. Sister-in-law. I have never had to meet family before, so I'm admittedly a little freaked. I-ve gotten some good advice from friends already:

• "Just be yourself."
• "You're a great person, trust in that."
• "If they love their son, they'll love you too."
• "Don't try too hard."
• "Don't worry...it'll be fine."
• "They'll probably be nervous too."

The truth is that I'm a professional worrier. I spent years apprenticing with my mother, and mastered the art long ago. I'm certain this is some sort of gay rite of passage, but it's one that has me shaking in my size 14 six-inch heels! I'm trying to convince some of my friends they want to see the concert too. It's all about a wing man...or five.

Cross your fingers...

A little late, kids

A while back I gave into pop culture and signed up for myspace. I know...I still feel a little dirty about it, though it has helped me connect with new friends and find old friends from WAY back. (Like...back when I was straight WAY back.) Today I noticed several people were posting a video on their bulletin...a video of one of Phelps' kids on Hannity and Colmes. Yes, Fox News had her on to talk about the protests at funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq. Needless to say, the boys were none too pleased with her views, and the whole clip is pretty much name calling and shouting. So, like any other Fox News program. ;) There has been a lot of outrage at these latest flavors of protests, and several states have started passing laws restricting protests or "disorderly conduct" within a certain distance of a funeral, cemetery, etc. People are up in arms, and asking "how can you picket at a funeral?"

Watching the clip made me realize how angry I am about this sudden indignation and outrage. This is not a new tactic for him. People are shocked at the crass behavior and the impact on families. Where was their righteous indignation when Phelps protested at Matt's funeral? Or Sonny Bono (since he didn't turn his back on daughter Chastity, an out lesbian)? Or countless AIDS victims? It was okay to picket funerals then. They didn't rush to pass laws protecting mourners or worry about the family of gay people. So it's okay to do this to the dirty homos but leave our troops alone?! I'm never a fan of double standards or hypocrisy. But this really got me steamed.

In recent weeks I've heard people say "He's started protesting at funerals." No. He's been doing that for a LONG time, it's just a different group of people now. "You shouldn't be allowed to do that." I agree...but you didn't seem to care for the last decade and a half. Only when it's someone you respect or agree with. Not those silly faggots. They deserve it, even if only a little bit. GROW UP. Save your indignation for someone who hasn't been dealing with him for 8 years. Try to muster the same anger when he protests an AIDS funeral. Or a gay one. But don't pretend this is something new. Don't pretend you're just now learning about it. I know firsthand how much coverage he received in 1998 and 1999. Where were your condemnations then?

The $1000 Blister

You heard me right. AIDS Walk was Saturday. For those of you who missed it without a VERY good excuse, shame on you. So far, we've raised over $14,500 for people in Wyoming living with HIV/AIDS. We saw old friends, like Heidi and Issac, Chamblee and Alexandra, Mandy, and Rachelle! And the President pulled a dirty trick on me.

In the middle of the opening ceremonies, he called me up on stage. He said "I understand you usually spend the walk inside working the registration table." I told him that was true, and he said "the President's Office will pledge $1000 if you'll walk." How could I say no?

Since I wasn't planning to walk, I didn't have on sun screen, and got a lovely sunburn. Since I wasn't planning on walking, I was wearing $6 flip flops from Wal-Mart, and got a lovely blister. I named it "the $1000 blister." I also got to see the walk first-hand for the first time. It was amazing seeing over 400 people walking down the streets of Laramie, raising awareness and raising money. It was amazing seeing the faces of people on the street as they looked to see what the "parade" was for. It was amazing seeing the people drive past or look out of windows and cheering us on. And it was amazing to do it all with the First Lady of Wyoming, the President and his wife, and dozens of my closest friends.

Today's lesson: Be ready for surprises. You might earn a $1000 blister and a full heart.
Today's other lesson: Always wear good walking shoes to AIDS Walk, even if you don't think you're walking. ;)

A catchy little ditty

Apparently I've been living in a bubble, as I'd not heard the song Pink wrote recently. It's called "Dear Mr. President." It's GOOD. See her sing it live on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eDJ3cuXKV4

Little things make a difference

It's easy to feel unappreciated and tired, especially when you've been at something for a while. I've been out and active in Laramie for 11 years now, and there's still so much to do. So many changes I think need to happen. This time of year brings a sense of rushing and hurrying and stressing for everyone. Finals are approaching, AIDS Walk is this weekend, and summer is just around the corner. It's enough to make anyone's head spin. But the extra awards dinners, panel presentations, and committee meetings can mean a sense of things left undone. Goals you didn't get accomplished. Working long hours and putting extra time...and having go unnoticed.

At times like these, the little things can mean a lot. Margaret put together an AMAZING video of photos from last year's walk, to remind us all why we put in the extra time and energy. Spectrum asked me to be the closing speaker at the Day of Silence rally; they want me to speak on what's changed over the past decade or so. While conducting interviews with staff at Family Planning for the Executive Director's performance review, staff members commented how much it means to see my smiling face at the clinic, something most other board members don't do.

While I would love to have a stack of awards, certificates, and trophies to represent the work I do, I continuously remind myself that it's not about shiny objects on a shelf. Besides...one more thing to dust, right? ;) It's about seeing Brittany become a force to be reckoned with. It's about watching Travis learn to let go, and growing his own replacements (a lesson that is HARD to learn, trust me). It's about watching Ainsley take risks and become more involved, despite the consequences with her family. It's about hearing of a brand new UW student, reaching out for help for the first time and finding Spectrum there waiting. Peolple are my awards. Open hearts are my trophies.

Homework: Find a way to make a little difference to someone. Say thank you to someone who means a lot to you. Don't do it for recognition. Do it because it's right. You'll be amazed how full your heart can become.

Sorry for the delay

Between trips to DC and Denver, trying to recover from a lost phone, AIDS walk being just over a week away, and trying to date someone long distance, I've been swamped! So on to the gay update:

My trip to DC was incredible. Georgetown Day School is a whole different world. A world of privilege. Money. Influence. And the students were....students. Most were very privileged as well, but students nonetheless. The assembly was optional, and was packed. I think the talk went very well. I had several students come talk to me throughout the day, and many were thinking in new ways. Some came out to me, thanking me for making their school a better place. Bear in mind that this was their second annual gay pride week at GDS. This year they did a "Day of Noise," as opposed to a Day of Silence. Music playing at the table handing out buttons made by the students. My presentation. A panel discussion that night. It was amazing.

I had lunch with some of the students. Then spoke to a class that focuses on race, ethnicity, gender, class, sexual orientation, etc. The students at both impressed me. They understood the intersections of different forms of discrimination. That racism, sexism, and homophobia are related. One student is part of a committee that plans an annual conference on racism, and might contact me to speak about racism and homophobia. Then I spoke at the faculty meeting after school, thanking the staff for their support. Making them understand why weeks like this were important, and telling them about some of my interactions with students. The principal, who had only attended the 1 hr assembly, offered me a teaching contract in front of the whole faculty. Literally. (No...I'm not taking the job, but was VERY flattered to get the offer.)

None if this is intended to be bragging. I simply want everyone to understand that we all have the power to make a difference. All I did there was tell my story. Talk to people about my opinions and thoughts. Share part of myself, and listen as others did the same thing. We ALL have the power to do this. Whether it's at a school assembly or talking to our grandmothers in the living room at home, we can do this. Here's your homework: go talk to someone about something important to you. Try to make a difference today. Then wake up tomorrow...and do it all over again. It never stops.

Lost my phone

Hey gang. I left my phone in a cab today. Yeah yeah yeah. Shuddup. My phone number is disconnected until I get the replacement phone. This also means I prolly lost your numbers. So give me a call with your number. But you'll have to wait until they turn my account back on. Sorry for the hassle. Imagine being me...on a trip. With no numbers and no ability to call anyone. Including my new boy!!!

Ask and ye shall receive

So before a lynch mob forms to kick my ass, here's a picture of the boy. Dejan "Dayo" Z. Yes...the date went very well. Date #2 is next weekend in Denver. Please forgive the stupid grin on my face for a while.

Back to the zoo!

Today we will look at label whores, as we return to our examination of the many different types of homos. Label whores, closely related to the average "preppy gay," are ALWAYS found wearing only brand name clothing. Tommy, Abercrombie, Diesel, GAP, Hugo, and AX are staples. They are sometimes seen in clothing as "common" as Old Navy, though it is rare. They tend to congregate in groups, and engage in retail therapy at stores like The Buckle and Structure. Even their colorful and shiny accessories will be high-end brand name merchandise. Louis Vuitton, Fossil, Coach, and Oakley are all common acquisitions. Do not refer to shopping at retail stores such as Target, Sears, or Mervyns, as this can send a label whore into seizures. It can also trigger primal anger, especially when two or more label whores are present. On rare occasion, such packs of designer divas have been known to attack when threatened with references to Wal-Mart or any other store ending in "mart."
******
Many gay men place a high premium on designer, high end purchases. Material goods take on far too much importance for some people. The more extreme and absurd examples are when a person is thought to be of lesser moral or social value because they don't "dress properly." My favorite Dragapella group, The Kinsey Sicks, even have a comic song called "Wear Names." Heaven forbid you don't fit the standard body types or sizes, as you cannot find designer clothing and are therefore doomed to being a social outcast. As if personal worth can be measured by income, fashion sense, or pricey trinkets...

As a...full-figured and voluptuous creature, I loathe a true label whore. It's one thing to own a really nice shirt from A&F or Armani. It's another to own nothing but, and look down your nose at others who cannot afford or otherwise acquire "hoch couture." Maybe I'm crazy, but I just can't see judging people on the basis of how they dress. I've known some well-dressed asses, and some amazing people who couldn't put together an outfit to save their souls. I don't claim to be a fashion plate myself, but I can color coordinate, accessorize, and I do think I clean up nicely. (Proof to be shown soon, when Squid has her pics developed from the Bear Dinner.) Much like the gym bunny or body nazi, they're shallow and vain creatures...and not worth the time of any of my fabulous readers! ;)

My heart runneth over

So it wasn't ALL about the boy, though that's a MAJOR reason to smile. Other reasons:

• I got to see old friends, including Judy.
• I got to sit at a table with some amazing (and fun) people...and made new friends.
• I got to watch people meet Brittany, and be as amazed by her as we are.
• I got to watch Brittany's eyes bug out as she took it all in...and began to realize that people are amazed by her.
• I may have a line on an agent...an old friend of mine who used to work for GLAAD.
• I learned that the Foundation is VERY close to having a speaker's bureau up and running...and will be talking to them more about it VERY soon.
• I got to give my card to several influential people, and may have made some invaluable contacts.
• I may have convinced several people from Denver to come up for AIDS Walk.
• I didn't get to say "hi" to Freddy as planned...but Nuclia Waste was on the job, and his hate didn't go unchallenged.
• I watched the Foundation raise $109,000...and that's before the door proceeds and online auction.
• I got to hear Judith Light and Robert Disiderio speak...and cried at the power and conviction of their words.
• I got to spend some time with Craig...talking very frankly and honestly.
• I may have secured a serious chunk of money for the RRC, courtesy of the MSF...and the money from Elton John's concert.
• I got to meet Logan (Matt's brother) finally.
• I was reminded of why our work is so important, and that there are a lot of amazing people doing it every day.
• I met a boy...and it looks like it's going somewhere.

I'm already looking into what it takes to be a table captain for next year's dinner. I already have 4 people who said they'd come with me. Start saving your pennies, kiddies. Tickets were $150 this year...and it's worth every penny. You'll want to be sitting at the cool kids table...MINE!

I have weekend plans

More tomorrow on the dinner and weekend in Denver. It was ALL kinds of incredible. But a quick note on the most exciting update:

His name is Dayo. He's Serbian. As in...has the cutest accent! And he's cute. We met Sunday night at the Beer Bust. Then he followed us to Charlie's so he could talk to me more. Says he was watching me from the minute I walked in and had to work up the nerve to talk to me. Are you kidding me?! He asked me if he could take me out on a date. Dinner. Movie. It'd be a first for me. So I said "Oh yeah." So he's coming up here Saturday. He works for Comcast. He's in a gay and lesbian choir. He does karaoke two nights a week. He lives with his parents, as his income pays the bills. Their place is at Monaco and Mississippi. He bowls on Wednesday nights. I talked to a friend who knows him a little. Says he's a nice guy, not a tramp, and I should go for it. I'd already decided that all for myself, but it was nice to hear it confirmed. So in short...I'm giddy!

Guess who's coming to dinner?!

I promise there will be more posts in my series on the different flavors of gay. *cheesy grin* But we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming with a special news bulletin. I've posted a few times about going to the MS Bear dinner in Denver this weekend. In case you hadn't heard yet, an old "friend" will be there in Denver to "contribute" his own special messages on the 5th anniversary of the dinner. That's right folks...Uncle Freddie (Fred Phelps) will be there! He and his group have several protests scheduled in Denver (well, Denver, Lakewood, and Englewood) this weekend, including the bear dinner.

I am actually looking forward to seeing Uncle F again, and saying hi. I do SO hope he remembers me. If only I still had my wings on hand...but you better believe I will be wearing my halo! And I will be including the one Dawn gave me in Casper. "By your powers combined, I am Captain Plan...er...Captain Angel!"

Special Bonus Post

Two in one day! I know...a rare treat. But I wanted to share comments and thoughts about my trip to Casper last weekend and the upcoming trip to Denver this weekend.

This was the 3rd staging of "The Laramie Project" I have seen now. I cried just as much. Some things were a little different, though. This staging was done "in the round," meaning that there wasn't a stage per se and the audience sat on all four sides of the open "stage." Stage III is the community theater group in Casper, and Matt was a part of it when he lived there. Many of the people in the cast knew Matt or had been in plays with him, and very few of them were "professional" actors or people with much theater experience. They had albums in the lobby with clippings and photos from all the previous shows Stage III had done. Matt was, of course, in some of those albums. The cast was about 30 people, two to three times the size of most TLP casts. The director said "I didn't want to tell people 'no, you can't be a part of this particular show.'" It was the last night of the show, and we were invited to the cast part after...which devolved into karaoke. I called it quits at 3am. ;)

It was interesting to see the different nuances of a third staging, as well as my reactions to it. I reacted more strongly to some things, and less so to others. Blocking, lighting, inflection, characterization...I notice all of these things more now that I have other shows to compare/contrast it with. All of the casts have done an exceptional job, though I think the script brings out the best in a cast and director. You don't take on TLP unless you are passionate about it and want to do the best job possible. I went with Meg, Jen, and Rob...and was glad to have company for the show again. I'm not sure I'd want to see it alone. It was WELL WORTH the trip to Casper...even with the SHITTY drive back home last night. (They closed the roads about 20-30 minutes after Margaret and I got back, and while Meg and Jen were on it. We're all home safe and sound, though.)

Denver this weekend: I can't wait to see Judy again, and I'm VERY excited to be attending the Bear dinner for the first time. I'm also VERY excited that I'll have company from UW. Woohoo Squid! It'll be a more sedate weekend, but that will be quite welcome, I think. And I'll get to go to the beer bust on Sunday, which is always a good time...and prime dating opportunity for me! Cross your fingers, kiddies!

Raver Bois

In our continuing examination of the types of gay boys, we next look at a younger subset: raver bois. In the wild, this species often remains elusive until their 21st birthday. Before that time, they are found in large groups and are attracted by bright lights and loud, bass-driven music. These groups may venture into public if there are wildlife refuges available to them, known as "underage clubs," though they will often create temporary nests in obscure locations, known to law enforcement as "raves." Raver bois often undergo a type of molting when they turn 21, and emerge from an invisible cocoon in the adult form "circuit boy" or "circuit boi." They are rarely found in long-term relationships, usually preferring a series of brief physical encounters or, in some members of the species, a series of short monogamous relationships. They are primarily focused on having fun and enjoying every last ounce of their youth and beauty. Think Peter Pan on X.

Ah, raver bois - a veritable buffet for chicken hawks (more on this species in an upcoming post). They are few and far between here in Wyoming, and are rarely seen out here. We have a shortage of underage clubs, so they will find random raves in the middle of nowhere or drive long distances to reach places like Rapid City, Billings, Denver, or Salt Lake. Club drugs are VERY popular with raver bois, including X, G, and K. Cocaine, meth, and prescription drugs like percoset, darvoset, valium, etc. are also common, often to the point of excess and serious dependence. Please understand - I'm not trying to be judgmental about drug use. I'm of the opinion that there is a fine line between recreational substance use and drug abuse/addiction.

What's interesting to me about raver bois and chemicals is that it's often used as an escape mechanism, especially here in Wyoming. The drugs aren't being used to enhance what is already going to be a good time out dancing, hanging with friends, etc. They are used AS the good time. They can only enjoy themselves if they are not sober. It's certainly not a problem unique to young gay men, or gay men in general. For raver bois (and circuit boys, too) I think it's connected to the pressures society places on conformity and heterosexuality. The substances become an excuse to escape from the stress and strain of hiding your sexuality, "toning it down" in public, or fitting into an "acceptable" role.

Gym Bunnies and Body Nazis

As we continue our look at the different flavors of gay, we pause to look at a now-common sub-species: the gym bunny, also known as a body nazi. These curious creatures spend most of their time working out, sculpting abs, chiseling pecs, and obsessing over that last pesky 1% of body fat. They are often overly critical of their bodies, and are not content having an amazing body; it must be perfect, and beyond. They may eventually become so obsessed that they become an over-muscled, neckless neanderthal. They often travel in packs, as they must have spotters and work out buddies. Their vanity often projecting onto others, gym bunnies are known for superficiality. They are only seen with other very pretty, overly fit people and rarely couple for longer than a few sweaty dates. After all, a relationship would only detract from time spent in the gym or downing the latest wheat grass - creatine - protein shake and dietary supplements from GNC.

Nature-channel-esque humor aside, there are countless body nazis out there. There is a serious body image issue in the gay community, particularly among gay men. We're obsessed with having perfect bodies and looking young forever. Collagen and Botox are sweeping through the gay-borhood like a joint Cher and Madonna tour. Gay men are hiring age and beauty specialists, and personal trainers must make fortunes off of us. Anyone who doesn't look like they just stepped off the cover of Men's Fitness migh as well have a third arm if they step into a gay club. The rampant popularity of online dating sites like Gay.com and Manhunt hasn't helped much either. Men cruise around the websites looking for other pretty people for hookups, one night stands, and friends with benefits. "No picture, no profile - no private" has become a nearly universal decree online, indicating that nobody is willing to talk to you without a full profile and picture. While this started because of security and privacy concerns, it's now about only talking to the pretty boys online.

Why is this? Why are so many gay men obsessed with being the perfect physical specimen? Have we learned nothing from the decades of discussion about body image for women, eating disorders, and magazines at the grocery store checkout aisle? I'm of the opinion that part of the gay male obsession with youth and beauty is because of the pressure we face because we buck the norms. Men aren't supposed to date other men, aren't supposed to cry, and certainly aren't supposed to be feminine in any way. Being a woman is a bad thing in our society, after all, though it is slowly becoming less so. So if we become the most macho, muscled, and masculine specimens of manliness possible, we're somewhat more acceptable to society...and to ourselves. If we can make our exteriors closer fit the ideals of Atlas or Adonis, maybe - just maybe - people will ignore the fact that we date other men and aren't Ward Cleaver. Society said gay is bad because this is what a gay person looks and acts like; gay men responded by becoming more outwardly perfect.

Happy Blog-Birthday!

March 11th marked the 2 year anniversary of my blog. Though it has changed format, colors, and design a few times, it's always been pure ME! Hope you're all enjoying the ride, and that you're all doing so for years to come! In honor of the birth of my blog, we today begin an examination of the many different flavors of gay. Please note that nobody fits into only one box, regardless of sexual orientation, race, etc. These are simply meant as a semi-tongue-in-cheek, witty, and thought-provoking look at "types" of gay people. Maybe if it goes over well, we'll move on to some of the straight folks too!

On a recent trip to Denver I encountered two gay men and a lesbian who made me (and two of my friends) very uncomfortable. We were all sitting in Cheeseman Park enjoying a picnic lunch and the sun. The trio of venom, as I have come to think of them, began to cut down anyone and everyone who walked or drove near us. Now, I'm not above commenting on the occasional fashion felony or horrendo hairdo. But this went on for about 45 minutes, non-stop. And it was every single person who went past. It left us wondering what they said about us when we weren't around.

These are what I refer to as "snooty gays." They have decided they are much better than everyone else, and have no problem expressing that, though not always to someone's face. They often turn on their own and begin shredding other queers. "He forgot all-important purge part of the process." "Girl can't dance at all...how can she be gay?" They focus on dishing and trashing, and are not the nicest people to be around...unless you're part of their "in" crowd. Think high school cliques...with cocktails. They can be found only in the trendiest of places, will only wear all the right labels, and have very little time for anyone with whom they are not already friends. It's best to be gay, but only a certain KIND of gay. Ugh!

We have all engaged in humor at someone else's expense. Most of us tease each other, though there are boundaries we don't cross. And we don't do it ALL the time. It seems to me that it takes a lot of energy to look down your nose at other people so completely. And just imagine what it must do to your karma!

Enough Biographical Updates!

We now return you to our regularly scheduled thought-provoking and queer-eyed look at the world around us.

As regular readers know, I am trying to establish a career as a professional speaker. I have my 4th paid speaking engagement scheduled for April 5th, at a high school in Washington DC. The Georgetown Day School has over 1000 students and is pre-K through 12th grade. I'll be speaking to the high school classes, grades 9-12. During their pride week. You heard me...a high school with a pride week! They have a version of a GSA, but it's the school itself that hosts the pride week. They have a section of their website dedicated to diversity, are participating in the DC Metro Middle School Student Diversity Conference, hold a 9th grade diversity seminar, and have won national awards for their efforts in diversity education. The times, they are a changin'!

Back in my day (I feel and sound SO old when I say that) this was unheard of. Even in the larger metro schools, they didn't put this much attention on diversity. Now I realize that this is a private school and so it's a little bit different environment, but still... I can't imagine having gone to school where I felt comfortable coming out before I left for college and was 4 hours away from home. I can't imagine what a difference that might have made in my life, or in the lives of so many of my friends. Don't get me wrong, I've learned not to regret the pain and struggle of growing up in the closet. It has a lot to do with the person I am today, and I'm happy with me!

I used to ask myself, if I could have gone back in time and made myself straight, would I have done it? It would have been a lot easier, that's for sure. I likely wouldn't have been suicidal in 9th grade. I might have been more outgoing and social in school (those who didn't know me back then are sometimes shocked to learn that I wasn't my boisterous, social butterfly self in high school). I might be happily married with kids. In high school, I knew I wanted to be straight. Now, you couldn't pay me enough to change who I am, and my sexuality is an integral part of WHO (not what) I am. Today the answer is no, I wouldn't make myself straight.

But what if I could go back and change my environment, making it more accepting and welcoming? Making a place where I could have come out in high school, along with several of my classmates I have since learned (and for some, always hoped) aren't exactly at the straight end of the Kinsey scale. How would that have affected the person I am today? It's a much more challenging question for me, and one I don't think I have an answer for...yet. So I have a question for my readers:

Is there something about yourself, your family, childhood, school, etc. that you wish you could change? How would that change the person you are today? Is the change worth it in the long run? Flex your gray matter, and leave us a little insight as a comment.

A funny thing happened in my office this morning...

I came into work at the usual time. I went through the motions of a morning at work. I turned on the lights, sat down at my desk, put on my name badge, turned on the computer screens, etc. Then, out of habit, I reached for my glasses and put them on. WHOA! Wait a second...everything is REALLY blurry. Oh! Right! That's because my reading vision no longer requires glasses! Woohoo lasik surgery!

All is well in eyeball-land. Well, it's on track. See, with far-sighted people they intentionally over-correct the problem, as the vision will slide back a bit. So for now, distance vision is blurry! I know...from one problem to another! But this is normal, and is expected. I'm within legal limits to drive, so I can get around (though night driving I'm still seeing a lot of halo). Over the course of the next couple weeks my distance vision should return to normal. I'm noticing the differences on a daily basis already! Today is better than yesterday, which was better than the day before. It's amazing the difference a day makes. ;)

In other news...my schedule continues to fill up! I'm working on final details for the speaking engagement in Washington DC at a high school...April 5th it is! I just have to book flights and it's a done deal. :) I'm heading to Casper on the 18th of March for their production of "The Laramie Project." It's not a paid deal, and I don't even think they're wanting me to speak before or after the show. They just want me there as a VIP. Free tickets, dinner before the show, and maybe even a free hotel room! It could be worse, ya know. ;) And the 25th I should be down in Denver for The Matthew Shepard Foundation's "Bear to Make a Difference" dinner. Celebrities make and decorate teddy bears. They auction them off. They also auction off other prizes too. Formal event, $150 per plate (my ticket is comp'd), entertainment by Alec Mapa. Who knows what kind of connections I'll be able to make for jobs, etc.

An update

So the trip to Ohio went better than we could have ever hoped. The show was great. The people were great. Our lecture went great. The trip home...well, we made it, and so did our luggage. The rest is just details, right?

Judy (Shepard) was speaking in Cleveland one of the same days we were. We didn't manage to meet up for cocktails or dinner like we'd hoped. We did, however, get a chance to talk. Judy was on the same flight back to Denver that we were. :) I love it when the universe looks out for ya. So I mentioned my Denver plans to her, and that I was working to become a professional speaker. She simply smiled and said "I'll keep that in mind." I REALLY love it when the universe looks out for ya. ;)

So tomorrow I'm off for the wonderful world of Denver. Surgery is Wednesday morning, and I'll drive down tomorrow after work. I'm really looking forward to it, and not just because it means almost a week in Denver. I really am excited by the thought I won't need glasses in the office anymore. And that it won't cost me anything out of pocket in the long run.

Just a quick little update so you know I still love you all!

Greetings from Berea, OH

Hello faithful readers! I am happily holed up in Berea, OH at Baldwin-Wallace College. Dave and I arrived safely, though our luggage did not. We had the wrong flight time for our departure from Laramie; they let us on the plane, but not our baggage. It took 24 hours for it to get to us. This meant wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row. It also meant I didn't my breathing machine...so we got about 2 hours of sleep. A 16 year old kid got sick on our flight...on the 2 businessmen in front of him. Dave and I were glad we were several rows behind him and on the other side of the aisle. But it's been a very good trip, because:

• This is the first time I've seen a stage production of the play since the original Tectonic group performed it. I was nervous about how it would look if people didn't have the opportunity to meet the people they were portraying. The kids here have done an AWESOME job.
• Everyone here has been incredibly gracious and appreciative that we're here.
• Dave and I are giving each other endless grief and shit...and loving it.
• Following the post-play talk-back session on our first night here, a student came up to me. She said "I'm a very conservative student, and I walked in here tonight knowing how I felt about homosexuality. I'm only here because my teacher said we had to come to one show for points. But even after just this short time, after listening to the play and you two talk...I feel a lot differently now. I've changed...my mind has changed. Thank you for being here."
• After our large lecture (the best attended and received lecture in their "Marting Lecture Series" in a LONG time, they tell us), a 50ish man came up before the play began. "I teach at a high school, so I'm not really in a position where I've been able to be out. But I've been able to help some students who've come out to me...and we've been lucky enough that none of them have killed themselves."
• We have seen the show 4 times here now. Dave and I have become VERY close with the cast. They are an amazing group of students, and have huge hearts. They are sassy, funny, fierce, and tender. We've invited any and all of them to visit us...any time.
• At the end of the last show, they pulled us up out of our seats onto the stage with them while they sang the final song (For those who know the play, the songs were added here and were written by a friend of the director. They are AMAZING and really added to the show. I have them on CD and will share them with anyone who wants to hear them.)
• We don't want to leave them...but will also be glad to return home and let our hearts settle a bit. And return to you all. I miss you and can't wait until I can hug you all again.

Post #169 - Good friends, good times

Saturday night was our second drag show here in Laramie. It wasn't a full-on show, but we instead provided entertainment for Lovers and Gamblers, an event hosted by Wyoming Equality. The night was a lot of fun (and involved a lot of painful feet), but I noticed something very important (once again): I have some amazing friends and family in my life. Without Nairobi (Jess) and Wyoming (Margaret) Dudd, we wouldn't be able to get in and out of a damn thing. "Hand me..." "Tie this..." "Where's my..." "Could you go get..." We are demanding bitches once the make up starts going on! The ladies take this all in stride...and then buy us flowers! Thanks for being the perfect backstage crew, and oh so much more.

Several friends came to see us at the show. Having friendly faces in the crowd means more than you know, and it makes us keep going with something that takes a lot of patience and energy...and hard fucking work too! Rehearsals, choreography sessions, memorizing songs in the car/shower/anywhere we can play a CD or MP3 Player. Pressing, dressing, and stressing! Thanks for being a fan base.

And tomorrow I leave for 4 days on a trip to Ohio with Dave O'Malley. 3 days of speaking to classes, play casts, audiences, and lecture halls. Dave and I are sure to have fun, and come back with a host of stories. It turns out that Judy (Shepard) is speaking in Cleveland one of the days we're in Berea (a suburb of Cleveland) so we're trying to work out some way to get together for cocktails after our respective lectures. Cross your fingers!

And then I'm back in Laramie for a few days before I leave for Denver for lasik...where even more friends will be driving me to/from surgery, caring for my blind ass for a while, and putting me up in style.

Who could ask for better friends than I have? NOBODY.

Flowers, Balloons, and Candy...OH MY!

As I have for the last couple years, I delivered flowers for Valentine's. My friend Stephen roped me into it one year, as he delivered for Killian's Florist here in town. Janet (Killian) does some of the most beautiful arrangements in town, and has several fun and crazy people who help her out on crunch days. Monday afternoon when I got back from Denver was great. I delivered with the window down, wearing a lightweight knit shirt. It was sunny, cheery, and happy.

Tuesday, or as I like to call it, Villain-tines Day, wasn't so pleasant. But more on that in a sec. Why do I deliver flowers when I have the anti-heart bitterness required of terminally single individuals, you ask? Well, it's simple, really. I have found a way to get paid for having to suffer through the nasty holiday. Good thinking, huh? That, and it reminds me that there are things worse than the job I have now. So here's a brief recap from yesterday (I didn't pay as much attention on Monday afternoon):

• 54 - orders I delivered
• 5 - re-deliveries I had to make when someone wasn't home or wasn't where they were supposed to be (3 of these were to one person - she was NOT my favorite)
• 135 - total orders delivered
• 85 - miles I drove around town yesterday
• 9.5 - hours spent delivering
• 32 - average temperature for most of yesterday
• 45 - mph for gusts of wind (great fun for orders involving balloons)
• 3 - gin and tonics I drank at the "light at the end of the tunnel" party we do each year after closing

Note the expression

A little piece of last weekend. Now imagine this on a long term basis.

A dose of my own medicine

Many of my friends have come to me over the years with problems, asking for guidance or advice. Time and time again I have told others "you need do what's best for YOU, not someone else." Friday night a dear and brave friend gave my advice back to me. I think most of you will not be surprised when I tell you that I have been doing some thinking over the last few months. Certain situations at work are far from ideal. And I've known for some time that a change has been coming. This post is my way of coming out and telling you all about my thoughts and plans: the time is coming for me to leave Laramie for Denver. It's not happening tomorrow. There isn't even a timeline as of yet. My friend told me I wasn't doing what was best for me, and that I had to let go. That I'm not responsible for keeping "gay" alive in Laramie. And that I didn't owe Matt my life and my happiness. That he would want me to be happy too, to find more. And he was right. I am ready for the next part of my life to begin. That part will be in Denver, of this I am certain. Please know that the only thing that gives me pause is the thought of being further from the family the universe has created for me here in Laramie. Notice I don't say taking me away from, as Denver is NOT far away, and I trust in our ability to be together. So I will be working on getting the house fixed and tidied. I will be putting more time and energy into launching my career as a professional activist and speaker. There's still plenty of time, folks. It will be several months before I could feasibly sell the house. And I'm not planning to rush this, either. But you are a part of my life, and you deserve to know.

Paybacks for Mandy

A young man gets a job as a bus driver for the Sesame Street School Company. Boy is he excited! It's his first day on the job. He arrives at his first stop, opens the doors and looks out at his first passengers. And there he sees a mother and her two daughters. The mother looks into the bus and says, "You're new aren't you?" The bus driver says, "Yes ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, I'd like you to meet my two little girls. This is Patty Sue and this is Patty Anne." And when he takes a good look at the girls, he simply can't believe his eyes. These kids are big. Really big. I'd like to be kind, but these girls are fat. The mother says, "Now Patty Sue and Patty Anne are big for their age..." He keeps his tongue under control. She says, "I'd like you to give my two little girls individual seats of their own on your bus." "No problem," he says, as the two girls squeeze down the aisle and find their seats. He closes the door and drives to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and he sees a mother and her young son. The mother looks at him and says, "You're new, aren't you?" He says, "Yes, ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, I'd like you to meet my son Josh. He's very special." And he looks down at what can only be described as the nerd to end all nerds. The boy wears thick glasses with white tape holding them together. He has pencils in his shirt pocket. He has the short-sleeved dress shirt. He has the white socks and sandals. The mother says, "My Josh is very special. I want you to give him a very special seat on your bus. I want him to sit up front every day." "No problem," says our driver, as Josh proudly seats himself right up front. The bus driver closes the door and goes to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and sees a mother and another little boy. The mother looks at him and says, (you guessed it) "You're new aren't you?" He says, "Yes, ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, my name is Mrs. Cleese, and this is my son Lester." And when the driver looks at Lester, it's a pitiful sight to behold. The poor little guy obviously has foot problems. He's limping painfully. The mother says, "Lester has problems with his feet." The driver nods sympathetically. The mother says, "I want you to help Lester as he gets on and off your bus everyday, so that he will not trip, stumble, or fall." The driver says, "No problem," and he helps Lester limp to his seat.
And then, as he closes the bus doors and drives away, he sees in his rearview mirror that Lester has removed his shoes and socks and is picking at the largest, most grotesque bunions he has ever seen. It's disgusting, the way that Lester picks at his feet. Our driver shudders and drives on. He delivers the kids to school and returns to the bus barn. He parks the bus and finds his supervisor. He walks right up to the boss and yells, "I QUIT!" The boss says, "Whaddya mean, you quit?" The bus driver replies, "There's no future in this job." The boss says, "What are to talking about?"
And the bus driver answers, "Well here's my problem. How could I take a job where all I would have to look forward to every day would be TWO OBESE PATTYS, SPECIAL JOSH AND LESTER CLEESE PICKING BUNIONS ON A SESAME STREET BUS?"

TGIF!

This week has certainly seemed to drag on for me, and I know I'm not alone. I've been tired. Not shocking, since I'm on the go go go...as per usual. The start of a semester is always a bit daunting, don't you think? Starting at the beginning. All over again. 4 months laid out ahead of us. I'm planning trips, a surgery, and work on the house. (Admitted limited, by comparison) Homework and reading assignments. Buying groceries. Activism: crab dinners for Family Planning, AIDS Walk, and SafeZone. And taking more time for fun. Trips to Denver for dancing, conveniently bundled with surgery appointments. Bowling on Fridays. Volleyball will start again in March. Fun is an important thing, especially after a long week. So here are some things to help you have a little fun today.

• Tired of that famous face? Get your revenge on Britney? Hanson? Miss Cleo? Wanna box with Puff Daddy or bitch slap Keanu? Visit Assassin - the game where you kill celebrities.
• If you missed the game craze that was sweeping the labs this summer, check out Kitten Cannon. You launch a sweet innocent kitten out of a cannon for distance. Avoid cat-eating plants and metal spikes. Trampolines and explosives give you distance and speed. It's bloody and gory, and a lot of fun. Best with sound!
• Not so much with the violence, but a child of the 80's? Go visit Growing Up in the 80's. They have a host of classic 80's arcade games. You can also listen to 80's music, find song lyrics, and step into a time warp with TV theme songs. There's even a guessing game for TV themes. I stumbled onto this site YEARS ago, and still find new and fun ways to amuse myself there from time to time.
• Can't decide what you're looking for? Bored.com has many options for you. Music, games, humor, quizzes, trivia, sports. Weird stuff, dumb stuff, romance stuff. There's a little something for everyone. Squid...something tells me you should find the virtual bubble wrap. HOURS of entertainment, I tell ya. ;)
• And being my gay self, I can't help but hit you with a few VERY gay links in a final bullet point. The Gayest Skateboarder Ever. The Gayest Thing You've Ever Seen (their claim, not mine). The Gayest Pope Ever (this one's for you, Tessa). A blog post about "The Gayest Thing You've Ever Done" (seriously, read this one...there are only one or two sex posts. Linus...you must read this).

So take a moment and find some fun on a Friday...you've earned it!

HOMEWORK?!

I am not a 19 year college student. I have not been one for some time. As most of my readers know, I am sitting in on Beth's "Queer Theory" class this semester. This meant a trip to the book store...and $70. It also means having to do reading. On a time table. And writing assignments (though I get to avoid the nasty paper-writing trauma), as the field journal is fairly integral to the class discussions. Now I realize that I only have one class to juggle these days, and my full-time student friends will just scoff at me for saying this, but...I have to do HOMEWORK?! I haven't had to do that shit in years. It's a shock to the system.
Note: I also work more than 40 hours a week, and volunteer between 10 and 20 hours each week. Being a grown up sucks.

We've come so far

Brokeback Mountain opened in Laramie today. The Rainbow Resource Center has a new, larger, and more visible home in the Union. There are 121 people subscribed to the Spectrum email list. Spectrum was named Outstanding Student Organization last year. Wyoming AIDS Walk is celebrating its 5th year. There is gay TV all over the place. I'm starting the beginnings of a career as a professional homo.

It's 2006 now. As I reflect on the past year, I am amazed at where we are today. I came out 10 years ago, and it was a much different world. I remember exactly where I was and who I was with the night Ellen came out on her television show. I remember Tammy Baldwin being elected the first openly lesbian congresswoman. I remember when only 8 states offered employment protection based on sexual orientation...not 17. I remember when no states protected employment based on gender identity...not 7. And I still remember being terrified of people learning I was gay. Today, most of these things are remembered as history...ancient history by some. *grin*

I am simply overwhelmed by how much things have changed in the decade since I first told someone I wasn't straight. Things have changed a great deal, and not just for the country as a whole! I'm speaking nationally and writing textbook chapters, for fuck's sake! But this isn't about me. It's about change. Determination. Struggle. SUCCESS! We all have a part in this, gay or straight. The readers of my blog are all a part of "the movement." Or you wouldn't be my friends...or phantom cyber stalkers. ;) Thank you for that. And now...onward and upward!

I'm not a 21 year old...

...but I play one on TV. Ok, not on TV. But on New Year's I sure pretended. We partied like rock stars. We danced non-stop on New Year's for HOURS. Some interesting facts and numbers:

• 5: the number of days in Denver with "the girls"
• more than I can count: the number of cocktails I/we had
• 5: the number of different gay bars we hit while down south, some more than once (of course)
• 2: the number of gay restaurants we went to
• $10: the amount of money a random woman gave Jerry, Cory, and I each...just because she knew we were gay, and wanted good fag hag and gambling karma
• 1: number of men who asked for my number randomly after saying "You're hot." This would be the first time that's happened.
• 1.5: the average number of meals we ate when we were there
• 1: the number of hot tubs we were in
• 4: the number of hours of sleep I had in a 36 hour period
• 5: the number of naked penises I saw
• 0: the number of times I had sex - hey...statistics can't ALL be good ;)

Fun at the eye doctor?!

It really is possible! Who knew!? First of all, my eye doctor has the sophisticated, nerdy hot thing going for him. He's got a great smile and eyes you could get lost in. Appropriate, don't you think? He's also super gay-friendly. We had a lovely conversation today about his friend from St. Louis who owns a gay bar, and how they went down to Charlie's in Denver the last time he was in town.

Now, I didn't really NEED to go to the eye doctor, but I had a substantial amount of flex medical reimbursement money to use this year. Apparently I was too healthy, at least for things other than colds, etc. for which I didn't see a doctor. So I had money to splurge on new glasses. Because my prescription didn't change much (it actually was a bit better than usual today), getting a new pair of glasses for the office seemed silly and wasteful. So I'm getting a new pair of prescription sunglasses. With $300 Oakley frames. I've never owned shades other than the $15 versions available at the local mega-marts. I think they look good on me, and the nice folks there agreed with me.

To boot, Dr. Hunky furrowed his brow a bit during the exam and asked if I had ever considered lasik surgery. I had, but since my prescription was so mild and I am far-sighted, he'd never been too wild about it. However, his top surgeon in Denver is doing a study on...lasik for far-sighted people. Dr. Hunky thinks I'd be a great candidate for the study, and is sending my info south. If selected, I will get FREE lasik! He told me with a slight grin that the "downside" is that follow-up appointments would be in Denver. "You mean I'd have to take time off from work, create a long weekend in Denver, and have a legitimate excuse to head south and go out to REAL clubs?" Gee. Darn. Sign my ass up!!!

In other news, I have released the schedules for my employees...my major stress over break periods and the only serious deadline hanging over my head right now. WOOT!

This rarely seen bright and cheery mood is brought to you by the letter Q (for queer) and the number 9 (for inches).

Professor Higgins, I could have danced all night!

In fact, I did. But we'll get to that. Olive Garden was delicioso as per usual. How can you go wrong with the soup, salad, and breadstick lunch? Once in Denver, we headed to Jerry's to unpack and unwind. Chuck and Jerry arrived a little after we got there, and margaritas weren't far behind. We just laughed and lounged and drank until it was time to head for the theater. The movie was incredible beyond words. It was passionate, tender, brutal, and honest. You saw every ounce of lust, love, and pain of the original story. I was in awe. After the film, Cory and I headed for the club. Scott and Craig showed up as we were heading for the door. We got in before there was a cover. I love it when the timing is totally on.

After about 20 minutes, I took to the dance floor. When they play Cher, how could I not? There were very few people there yet, and I normally wouldn't be on the dance floor without more bodies to keep me anonymous. But Cory, Scott, Craig, and more new friends in Denver were with me, and it just felt right. We started to dance. We didn't stop except to get a fresh drink from the bar or switch to the 80's room for a few minutes. 3 hours. I danced non-stop for 3 hours. Then we switched to an after hours club, located in a basement of a building near the capital building. At nearly 3am, Cory and I were exhausted, and drove back to Englewood to the condo for the night. We went to "The Petticoat Bruncheon" at the Bump and Grind...translation: brunch served by boys in scary bad drag.

As if the events weren't fun enough, the friendship was incredible. I hadn't been out dancing with Scott or Cory, and Cory had never been to a real gay club. Cory found a nice Argentinian boy named Claudio to dance and flirt with. Scott and I saw a side of each other we'd never seen, and opened up to each other like never before. Craig and I bonded. I feel alive again.

Time for a gay weekend

I've had it. I'm sick of work. I'm sick of Laramie. So against my better judgement (translation: financial situation) I'm evacuating town this weekend for a gay getaway. Cory and I will be driving south, listening to the Rent soundtrack over and over. While Georgina (my car) is getting an oil change, we will be having the soup, salad, and breadstick lunch at The Olive Garden in Fort Collins. From there, it's on to Denver! We'll be staying at Jerry's condo in Englewood. He's already putting a bucket of margaritas in the freezer for our arrival. We shall find fabulous food somewhere in Denver before heading to the Mayan Theater for Brokeback Mountain - nominated for 7 Golden Globes. We're meeting up with a small contingent from Laramie including Keith and Khristian for the show. Tickets have already been purchased, and a good thing too. The Mayan is the only theater in Denver showing the film, and rumor has it that it's sold out on both screens Saturday night. After what promises to be a FANTASTIC movie, we will head out to Tracks, one of the gay dance clubs, for a night of cutting loose! Brunch on Sunday, no doubt. Jess is puppy-sitting, and has therefore made this regeneration break possible. Shout out, Babe!

I leave you with a short interview with Annie Proulx, author of the original short story, Brokeback Mountain. It's good. Read it, bitches:
http://365gay.com/entertainment/special/specialreports/121605special.htm

Sibling Rivalry

My sister just turned 29 on Friday. She made the mistake of logging in this morning. Brothers and sisters are supposed to make each other crazy now and then. Sometimes, they also have fun. Happy Birthday Sis!

J: Heh. You're old.
S: hehe, younger than you. I'm not 30 yet. nananana!
J: Not by much. I refuse to turn 30, so I'll be having my third annual 29th birthday next time. Before long, I’ll be younger than you!
S: What if I refuse to turn 30? Then I'll be 29, but still fewer times than you, so I'm still younger.
J: Nope. Moms can't not turn 30. It's the law. Especially in communist countries. I saw it on Jeopardy.
S: That shows what you know! Moms with gay brothers are exempt from that
J: Not if it makes them younger than said gay brother. We have to be the youngest and prettiest.
S: well, then you are losing anyway...I'm the prettiest one. That's why mom liked me best.
J: *laugh* See...now you're just talking crazy talk. Moms always like the gay boys best.
S: you're in denial...they only PRETEND to like them better because the gay boys are so sensitive...moms don't want to hurt their feelings
J: Girl...moms know we can kick a little ass and whip out a little 'tude. We're like best gal pals.
S: ah, but you are the "high maintenance" best friend that's really only superficial...great to go shopping with, but not who you call for real stuff
J: Shopping, cocktails, and girl talk. What's more real than that?!
S: Um...reality.
J: Oh honey....reality is just that stuff on TV. Shows like "Big Gay Brother," "American Idolatry," and "Survive Me." (I'm having so much fun channeling Karen Walker!)
S: But honey, Karen has way nicer boobs!
J: You haven't seen pictures of the drag show yet. 52DD. Who needs a purse when you have cleavage from hell?
S: And you found that size...where?

No Day But Today

Sometimes I am a walking stereotype. I freely admit that I love Broadway and show tunes. It will come as no shock to those who know me that I went to see Rent for the third time last night. Spectrum, the queer student group I advise, went to see the show as a group. We ended up having a sing along in the theater. There were few other people in the theater, we were bigger and meaner, and we actually had some talent...so we decided to go for it. It was nothing short of magical. Each time I see it, the recurring themes come back to me...stronger than before. Love fiercely. Live each day as if it is your last. These are the easy ones.

The name of the play "Rent" doesn't just refer to paying the bills. It's also about people's lives and groups of friends being torn into pieces...being rent apart. And bringing them back together. The drag queen character, Angel, teaches everyone to value love and friendship. To be yourself. To be unabashedly and unapologetically unique. To give freely of your heart, your time, and your worldly goods..."Today for you, tomorrow for me."

We should each be reminded of these things, and often. So in true gay show tune fashion, I leave you with your homework, in the form of a song:

There's only us
There's only this...
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

The Pope is a Spin Doctor

My office aide was watching segments of the Today Show recently. The Catholic church has recently "lightened up" on its stance regarding unbaptized babies and limbo. I realize that limbo is not official church doctrine. What was funny to me, though not shocking at all, was that an official from the Catholic Church went on national TV and said that the Pope had asked their committee to re-examine the issue and put a more "positive spin" on it. The fact that any church changes positions on an issue or theological interpretation is not shocking. Most of my Catholic friends said "Don't you think we KNOW the church shifts on issues?" Of course! But now they're publicly admitting it on national TV.

In short, it's okay for the church to change it's mind. But not on the whole gay thing, of course. ;)

Rollercoasters

I've spent the week with ups and downs, to be sure. It's been a long semester for me, and I know I'm not the only one. Work involves stress and drama. I spent a fair amount of time today trying to find the new Rent soundtrack...which is apparently not available in Laramie. Thank goodness for Amazon.

But a funny thing happened as I scoured the stores of Laramie. While in K-Mart, I ran into my old mentor teacher and her husband. I hadn't seen her since I did Romeo's soliloquy for her 9th grade classes. She asked me how I was doing and what was new. My answer surprised me.

I didn't tell her about work. I told her that I had a chapter in a diversity textbook that will be published before long. I told her that I have my second paid speaking gig coming up. I told her that I connected with the Safe and Drug-Free Schools coordinator in Cheyenne, and that she wants me to come do SafeZone trainings all over the Laramie County School District. I told her that I was doing what I had dreamed of, what she helped me realize I wanted, that I was making it happen. Slowly but surely. It wasn't until I was done telling her, and seeing her face light up, that I realized it was true.

Despite all the stress, the frustration, the single-ness, the feeling old...I am doing good things and working towards what I want. It made me stop and smile, despite Laramie's lack of taste in soundtracks, spending too much money on the payday shopping trip, and the freezing cold weather. So I want everyone to stop for a moment and take stock in what you're doing. I know most of my regular readers, and know that you're doing the same thing. It's finals time here at UW, and that means a lot of stress. So pause and remember that you are working toward something. It's not all in vain. Hang in there, and remember to give yourself credit. As long as you're moving forward, you're moving. The rest is details.

I already sent this to some of you via email, but thought I would share with all. You should watch this video, but you must do it with sound. This is what happens when you double major in music and electrical engineering...and have WAY too much time on your hands before the holidays.

http://members.cox.net/transam57/lights.wmv

I am thankful...

...for each of you. You are all an important part of my life. You are my family. So thank you for being you.

I'm still here

Not to worry, I am still alive and kicking. Since my last post, I have been to Monterey, California for a conference, been down with a nasty head cold, and logged WAY too many hours of karaoke for my own good. Oh, and I actually put together a professional website. So check out www.biggayjim.com if you're looking for a taste of my gayness. That'll tide you over until I have a "real" post.

It's a gayby!

Forget the babies...here's a gayby. Specifically, these would be the first ultrasound pictures of my nephew or niece. And of course, since I'm SO gay, the baby has turned into a gayby. Hey, if OTHER people can have a dark acolyte...